please help me with this. it may seem long but plz read! im desperate!?

Question

my boyfriend and i have been together for 8 months. he recently went on vaction 160 miles from where we live. he ran into a lady and she told him that they have a baby together. he was with her 13 months ago. she is known to get around, but my boyfriend is sure its his. heres the complicated part.....
im only 17. and hes 19. he wants me to move wih him to the place 160 miles away so he can be with his daughter. i told him he should stay here for 6 months until i become 18. that way he can save up some money, i can save up some money, and we will be able to move.
he wants to go now, and live with his cousin in a drug house. he has a job here, but he will LOOK for one there.
i think he should stay for a couple months, earn some money, in that time the apartments we applied for shuold approve us , and we will have money for us and the baby. its not my baby, but i will love it like its mine. plz, tell me what i should do?

Answer 1

I think your right 100%!!! There is NO reason to ruch off 106 miles away to live in a DRUG HOUSE!!! TRUST ME once you get stuck in that life style (doesnt matter if your doing the drugs or not) its VERY HARD to get away!!! I feel the two of you would be condeming yourselves to failure!!! Also you can bring it up to him that a drug house in NO PLACE to bring up a child!!! YOu need to save up some money & wait for the apartment to be approved then you can be on your way to creating a happy family for the 3 of you!!! This will also give you both time to not only save money but also find jobs in the new city & better prepare yourselves for the "family life" your about to step into...does he have other kids?? Does he "really" know what hes getting into?? Its MUCH harder than he's thinking it is! Not that is isnt worth it, IT IS but you have to prepare your selves & take the right steps to try to ensure a success!!! I comend him for want ing to take responsibility for his daughter but tyr to get him to understand taht be being prepared and having something to go into this with it will make for a MUCH BETTER situation...does he really want to go to his daughter w NO MONEY, NO HOME, and bring her to a drug house??? I doubt he wants to put his precious baby girl into an environment like this.....I wish you the best!!! HOnestly if he insists on going now maybe you should consider staying behind. I know you love im but Im tellin you I fear you might be setting yourselves up for failure by jumping in w/out planning!!! Explain to im you love him & by waiting a few monthes the two of you can ensure a GOOD WHOLESOME environmet to bring up his baby girl!!! Also I would sugest to him to get a DNA test just to be sure, if the mother truley gets around like you say she could be lying just to get someone else to pay for the expenses of a child. People will use you if you let them be carefull!! Best of luck to you I hope it all works out for you both!!!

Answer 2

I know you can't fully understand the consequences of your actions at 17, but you need to seriously consider what effect this situation will have on your life. Believe it or not, 8 months is not a very long time to be with someone. You're so young, and I'm sure much better opprotunities will present themselves in the years to come. Don't get yourself hung up in other people's drama. Make decisions for yourself, and get to where you WANT to be, not where you feel obligated to go! I can assure you if you move away with him you will end up resenting him for it later. It sounds like you've gotten some pretty great advice from a lot of people, and I hope you do the right thing. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

As a person past my 17th birthday I can tell you that probably your best interests are not serve by staying with him. You're young, have a lot of experiences waiting for you. While I jnow it can hurt at the beginnng, the fact is that you should think about yourself now. Plus, maybe this new daughter of his will probably be a strain in the relationship, what happens when you move 160 miles away and then everything goes up in smoke?

Stay and finish school, go to college or do something with your life. Take advantage of the fact that you have no one other than yourself depending on you.

Answer 4

Don't let someone no matter what you feel for them put you into a dangerous situation. What you're describing is a dangerous situation. Wait. IF he's insisting on going let him but do not let him push you into doing something you know is not safe for you or for the baby. If your intention is to move out there when you've a safe place to live and can afford it then do so if you feel that is the best choice for you. But wait until you have a safe place to live. Remind him that his choices can affect not only you and the baby but him as well. Recently a young man in our community was sent to prison as an accomplice to murder/kidnapping because he was living in a drug house where the crime took place. If that house gets busted most times the police just plain do not care if you're "just living there". I can understand he'd be anxious to be with his baby, but gently and lovingly remind him of the dangers of his choice, tell him because you love him you want all of you to stay safe. Can you work out a compromise of some sort? Him go ahead after saving enough for a deposit & rent on a apt & has a job lined up? Then you follow when you're old enough and ready. Bear in mind, just a suggestion: visit before moving. Get a feel for the area, look at the paper, area jobs, what the neighborhoods are like, get ideas of how $ it costs to live there, compare that to what you can make at the type of work you do, is this going to be enough?, Look at websites that post legitimate jobs, post your resume along with description that you'll be moving to that area in x months, the sites usually return info on jobs specific to criteria you set out (location, types of jobs, etc...) look into if there's hiring fairs or other places that do employment assistance, check online for local chamber of commerce, call or write them & they might be able to provide a lot of this info, but I still reccommend visiting before moving.

Answer 5

I think you'd be smarter to stay where you are, and save your money yourself. You didn't say if you've finished high school? Maybe that's something you should put your efforts into. I know you are afraid your boyfriend is going to his kid, just to be with the mother, or at least that must be in your mind, but if that's what is in his mind, wouldn't you be better off staying where you are for now, and then you won't have to move back when he dumps you? I don't mean to be harsh, but that's where this is going, I think. It wouldn't be good for you to get attached to a child, and then lose that too, if my suspicion is correct. I say, 1. let him go, 2. you stay home, 3. see what happens. Ron

Answer 6

I believe you should go to school make a future for yourself and later in life have your own children. there are no guarantees in this life. You only have this life and you can make it chicken salad or chicken **** Do u want to be controlled your entire life. Do u want the Man U truely Love to have children with other women.. Do u want your children to have half brothers and sisters..... You are young, get grounded in something besides boys, go to college, and make something of yourself. or you can not take my advice and live in a drug house, or a run down trailer and never have nice clothers never a new car, never a nice home, with nice furniture, but what will you have you will have your man and his other womans kids you will be stuck with while he's living it up..... GROW UP Get RESPONSIBLE

Answer 7

Tell him to wait a little while like 2 months and if he says okay start packing your things after the 2 months.don't rush packing so you could stall and if you don't have a job find one soon so that would be stalling too and make sure you act like you want to leave in 2 months so he doesn't find out your plan.your on your own from
here

Answer 8

first has he done a DNA test to prove its his kid?
next y is he taking sole responsibilty?what is he so guilty of?
he shouldnt put pressure on u till he is stable in a job as u suggested-ur rt save some cash and then move-u r not his baby's nanny, even if u will love the child as ur own-remember if it were ur own kid u wud be firm with it.
do the rt thing and wait for him to get a good job...and u need time to think if u want to mother his child-rt now ur rushing it....

Answer 9

he's being impatient.
if he can't control himself tell him to go ahead without you.
at this point you should not be making decisions based on your affection for him.
let him get a job and then you can think about moving over there.
until then, don't send him any money.

Answer 10

Why r u loving him so unconditionally? Listen! That days have gone. I mean he was involved in a sexual relationship, not you. So he should apologise for that. You r on the driver's seat. If he does not follow your words, just leave him.