why dont i want it?

Question

i have been with my partner for 4 years im 19 and we have a 2 year old. latley (well for about 5 months) i just havnt wanted sex, at all, its not that i want it with anyone else and not him i just dont want it at all, and i feel bad, what can i do

he is always harassing me about it.
if he's not accussing me of getting somewhere else he tells me that this is the reason men have affairs, everynight is a battle to get to sleep without an arguement

im 19 he's 25

Answer 1

Welcome to adulthood and a long term relationship. It happens to he best of us.

Answer 2

Well, first off, no matter what you hear to the contrary, sex is not what it's all about.

Ok, granted, it's a pretty fun portion of what it's all about, but there is so much more.

So if you hit a small dry spell, don't dwell on it, enjoy your time together and use it to form a longer lasting relationship. If you feel that your partner is concerned, just explain that you've been a bit tired and that your drive isn't as high right now.

If you really want to get some of it back, hire a babysitter and take some time to go out together. Something that you did a lot of before the baby came into the picture. Enjoy the free time to get to know each other again without any worries or concerns.

If you can afford it, try a small vacation with or without the baby, but if you take the baby, bring along someone to watch the baby so that you can be out and about while your away for awhile without interruption.

No matter what you decide, just remember to relax, it's not nearly early enough for you to have no more drive at all.


Love as always,

Sebastian

Answer 3

I just typed out a LOOOOOONG answer, which somehow disappeared arg! What I did want to say, though, is that loss of libodo happens to everyone, especially people who are caught up in day to day living, and the mothering of a 2 year old. It is hard for anyone to feel like a woman after having cornflakes poured on your head and peed on your lap. No-one can have a very healthy sex drive when so exhausted that a good book, a cup of cocoa and an early night is more appealing than sex.....

The first thing to do is to relax. Your stress level is a serious contribution to your lack of drive. Ask the doctor to give you a medical to make sure that you are medically okay. If he gives you the green light, you can stop worrying.

If you are not having any medical issue which contribute to your lack of sex, you need to try bring back the original fire to your lives. Put the baby with a babysitter and have a shower together (or whatever). Dont feel that whenever you are physically close you will need to have sex. Take it slow like when you were first discovering each other.....

You need to feel like a woman again. Dig out and dust off (or buy) those sexy lingeries you used to have. Buy yourself a nice perfume. Take time to look your best in the morning (even if you all you are doing is going to shop for groceries). make yoruself feel feminine again, and you will get some of your sex drive back.

Try new things - new sex positions, different foreplay. Sometimes we get so stuck in our rut that we forget that we have options.

Most of all, relax and take your time! Your sex drive only gets better and you pass your early 20's.

Answer 4

Unfortunately this happens to alot of women after childbirth. Whether it be because you are not getting enough sleep, or maybe you are not happy with the way your body looks and feels since pregnancy. If you are very concerned about it, talk to your OB/GYN. It may be that your hormone level is too low. Your doctor may prescribe birth control pills that can help raise the level which in turn will help to increase your sex drive. By going to your doctor, you will also be letting your partner know that "he" is not the reason behind the low sex drive, and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to fix the problem.

Answer 5

This might sound strange but I would like to put a word in on your partner's behalf. If he is around your age, his sex drive will be off the charts. If you're not giving him any and he's not getting any anyplace else, you've got one frustrated man on your hands. I know this isn't your fault and probably he does too but he is the one suffering here. Doubtless you are tired and stressed. Maybe you even subconsciously associate sex with pregnancy. Only you really know. Perhaps you should talk to a counselor. I hope you work it out. B

Answer 6

You know as you get older to your body will change and things you wanted will not be the same. I had a baby 9 months ago and sex is far from my mind. After a day with him im alset for ever....But really things in your life can change your mood. It isnt your fault remember people change after having kids and as they get older.

Answer 7

It happens to all of us. If he stopped harassing you you would maybe want it more. You are feeling pressured to have sex because of his reaction when you say no. You need to talk to him. Also try talking to your doctor maybe he/she could give you advice.

Answer 8

you have a 2 year old. you are probably VERY busy and VERY tired.

When you are exhausted, it is hard to be interested in sex.

Answer 9

maybe it is just your hormones from just having a baby tell him that you dont feel right