I am 31 years old and married a wonderful man 2 years ago who is 41. He has a 17 and a 19 year old which he worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to support and provide them with everything they ever wanted. In addition, he did all the housework, cooking, and "taxi-ing" often going days without sleep. As a result of his failure to slow down, he had a massive heart attack 6 years ago which permanently disabled him but still left him being "Mr Mom" to his children and their mother. Now his daughter has recently left for college and his son will soon be through with high school. I don't have any children and have always wanted them but I'm not sure it's fair to him to have to raise a family all over again even under very different circumstances. He doesn't object to having more children but frequently talks of how wonderful it will be when it's just me and him so I know he'd rather not have anymore. I don't think I have to have children to be happy but would like one of my own. Advise??
2006-07-17 19:15:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If you want another child and your husband is willing, you should have one. If you don't, you may regret it later and possibly even resent your husband. At 41, your husband is still young enough to raise another child and you would still have years together alone as a couple. Your husband most likely will not retire before 60 so there is time to get that child to adulthood (18) and still be young enough to enjoy your lives together.
2006-07-17 19:21:38 · answer #1 · answered by ilse72 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have thought of this before getting with him and you should give the guy a break. You know what he has been through, why put him through it again. Having children together should have been a major topic of discussion before starting a serious relationship.
2006-07-17 19:18:52 · answer #2 · answered by Velociraptor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like he loves you a lot, and you sound like you love him and respect all he has done with his kids and life, so I don't think it would be fair to ask him to father more children. I get the impression you both discussed it before marrying, so I would stick to whatever it was you both decided at that time.
2006-07-17 19:22:00 · answer #3 · answered by art-nerd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a tough decision...if he's really not willing to have more children maybe you should leave him.....ideally this would have been resolved before marriage. I'd hate to think of you having to choose not to have your own child-its wonderful,but I also see how he feels he's already done that- and he has the joy of watching his children growing-I dont think its fair to you not to have your child
2006-07-17 19:21:55 · answer #4 · answered by cassiepiehoney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should talk to him about it. you should sit him down and ask him if he would like to have more kids or if he would rather just live life with you and him. i think that it is fair for a woman to want to have children, but unfair to force them on a man. You should ask your husband what he feels you should do and respect his decision.
2006-07-17 19:21:54 · answer #5 · answered by Gandhi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and have one child. It will satisfy your mothering instinct. Otherwise you will regret it and resent your husband. Just try to give him a break when it comes to doing most of the mothering so he feels relaxed this time around.
2006-07-18 16:58:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is only unfair if you intentionally get impregnated without the mutual consent and commitment. You should definitely sit down and talk about it. At least then there will not be any unanswered questions.
2006-07-18 03:39:30 · answer #7 · answered by navy_hobo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him how he truely feels. Tell him you will help and he will not be alone in this. If you really want children and he does not you need to find another partner. You should not be denied this priveledge and he should not have it thrust on upon him.
2006-07-17 22:12:24 · answer #8 · answered by beth l 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that it will be fair to have a child but afer some years .....let him relax ..........do not put him on more stress....but condom sex can be great
2006-07-17 19:28:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋