How do I deal with the death of my child's father?

Question

We dated for several months, I let him move in with me, I got pregnant, I kicked him out because of his decietfulness.

I was angry, but kept in touch with him about our daughter's birth, etc. When she was 7 months old, I took her to meet him. (He lived in another town a good drive away and he didn't drive.)

Soon after this I he disappeared. I tried to keep in touch but he was nowhere to be found. I finally applied for child support in order to find him--I wanted to keep in touch with him for her sake.

Last summer, when she was 3 years old, he and I talked, then we later met for a visit. (If I had known then, I would have taken a picture.) We started talking on the phone a lot after that. I was broke, so was he, so it wasn't easy to get together for another visit. I let them talk, I was letting her get to know him. He wanted to be her daddy.

Then, the night of my birthday (officially the next morning), November 10, 2005, he hanged himself.

I just don't know how to feel.

Another thing is I don't know if he intended to die or increase a high. I feel better if I think of it as an incredibly stupid accident.

And I do feel guilty some, because I thought about calling him that night to get him to tell me happy birthday, but I didn't.

I will not tell my daughter anything but accident until she is grown, there is no need for her to know, and she really didn't know him well, so I try to give her good things to remember of him.

I just don't know how to even define my own feelings.

Answer 1

You need to get into professional counseling. This is called "complicated grief" - lots of baggage and things to resolve. If your daughter knew him and has issues, you might want to get her into child therapy as well.

Answer 2

My Mom was murdered when I was 8 months pregnant, my dad died real early of strokes, my step dad was the 1 who killed mom, my boys are 12 & 14, the ask now and a wise little old lady said when they ask do not lie just tell them enough to satisfy them. I am doing it again cause the man is coming up for parole. God bless you & I no you will find the right words when the subject comes up. Please ignore those creaps giving bad advise.

Answer 3

that is so sad. maybe i can help you cope. i know what it's like to lose someone, but your case is different. you should(and probably are) feeling a mixture of emotions. you shouldn't feel guilty though. in fact you should pity him. the fact that he thought there was no other solution is terrible, but there are other ways out. don't get me wrong, you should still feel sorry, but also a bit pitiful, and explain to your daughter when she is older that suicide is never the answer to any question. i hope this helped.

Answer 4

may i suggest you see a counselor to deal with your feelings and for help in protecting your daughter a suicide of a parent makes a child a very high risk for suicide esp in the teen years

Answer 5

ask yourself this, do i love him? then, tell yourself life must go on. maybe it was fate that both of you shouldn't be together. eventually, one has to go to the great beyond. be thankful that once in your life you met him and he gave you the greatest gift (your child) and made you a complete woman. it's not easy being alone, but then, it's what makes us better persons. time heals wounds, scars may fade away, but life must go on...

Answer 6

definitely don't tell your child that her father committed suicide. If you feel the need to talk about it go to a therapist everything will work out eventually.

Answer 7

Beer and Vodka

Answer 8

he did the right thing. do the same.

Answer 9

its was your fault you did not treats him right