Someone I love dearly is in prison for statutory rape. He was about 25 and she was, I think, 15. He will get out of an Alabama prison in 2008, and he could use some advice about his future.
I could use some advice about dealing with this myself. He was and is my true love. Whether we are to be together after this or not, I intend to be there for him.
I would appreciate any good advice and/or stories of personal experience.
Thank you.
2006-07-17 16:40:32 · 9 answers · asked by Jolie 3 in Politics & Government ➔ Law Enforcement & Police
He and I are one year apart in age. We were seeing each other (and sleeping together) before and after this happened. We are still dealing with the issue of lying, but he regrets his mistakes and wants to make it up to me somehow.
I think alchohol was involved imparing both parties' judgements.
2006-07-17 17:01:49 · update #1
I know some individuals, and the impact it's had on their lives.
Once a sex crime's on his record, it will haunt him in shadow for the rest of his life. In everyday life, it will likely fall into the background if he behaves, but if there's ever a controversy, or a question of his character, you can expect the ugly records to be dug up and exposed time and time again. Practically, its simply adds another social barrier that must be overcome when it becomes known.
There's another story I have, of a fellow, maybe 21, who found a girl he really cared about, and hoped to marry. She was a year or two underage, but her parents didn't like him. He wasn't too bright and watchful of the law, so you can guess what happened with the sexual relationship. The last I heard, he's serving several years.
With certain behaviors, the most effective advice is to respect the laws imposed by the society you choose to live in, regardless of your personal beliefs of what's acceptable. Some stains leave a far greater mark on your persona than others. While stains may not be erasable, living life to the fullest benefit for yourself and those around you will do much to define you as a positive figure, rather than in mere terms of your past sins against society.
Re: Additional Details
Regarding lying and regretful behavior, it's up to him to decide to seek a therapist and/or positive role models who know what it takes for the better life. For example, he might be lying because he's selfish, but if he can see how he can serve himself so much better by only being selfish in a way that also serves those around him, he may more readily begin to embrace the discipline it takes to build a better life now. He must practice to become a stronger man. Meanwhile, even with strength of character, he must see negative influences in his life become smaller and smaller, day after day, as he sees himself in the future becoming the man he desires to be.
2006-07-17 17:09:58 · answer #1 · answered by J7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a relative that is serving time for the same offense. He's getting out next year. It was a crime, that he did not commit. He was actually framed by his daughter because he would not buy her a brand new car for her 16th birthday. And in the state of Maryland, just an accusal is enough to convict a person and jail them for 7 yrs. He right now is trying to find a place to call home back in our home state of PA. But thanks to new laws, sexual offenders can not live within a certain boundery near children. So he's not only emtionally scared from being in jail but also socially scared because he has to register as a sex offender and have is name and face plastered all over the internet and local bullitin boards to let everyone know he's around. His future is dim as for employment and being socially welcome. If your as good a friend as you say you are, support him and make sure you let everyone know that it took the both of them, he and the 15 yr old girl to commit the act. Some of these young girls out there are dressing like hookers and acting like them too. when they are in the position of the heat of the moment of the sexual act that they played up to to get the guy to pay attention to them, let the girl take most of the blame too. She should be held accountable for her actions as well. So much for "perfect role models, like Britney Spears(the wholesome girl) or these rapper girls who promote "Bootie calls" or others like them in these TV shows and movies and young singers. Deal with him on his level and he'll appriciate it. re-adjustment into society will be difficult.
2006-07-17 16:59:29 · answer #2 · answered by jtracer48 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How old are you? He likes control of women - thus the big age difference in rape case. They do not give out that kind of jail time unless they thought he was a predator.
Time to look elsewhere. Good luck to you both. He is going to need it. Jobs are hard to come by for rapist - statutory or not.
2006-07-17 16:45:29 · answer #3 · answered by Wolfpacker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your not the one he slept with, then he may not feel the same for you as he feelt for the 15 year old. You can be there for him, but he may be looking for a different kind of love, unless you are 15. Eitherway there is plenty of fish in the ocean and you dont need a relationship with a guy that may not want a relationship with you.
2006-07-17 16:45:07 · answer #4 · answered by honiebee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have anyone who truly cares for you? Talk to them about your situation. If I were your father, I would do anything to prevent you from messing up your life. Mr. Wonderful would want to go back to prison. You would be upset for a while. However if you were upset forever, it would be worth it. If I were the 15 year olds father, most likely you would not have met this Jerk.
2006-07-17 17:07:47 · answer #5 · answered by oscar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might have a completely different idea of rape when he gets out. Develop a wait and see attitude rather than a must be with at any cost attitude.
2006-07-17 16:44:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was fairly young himself and she was old enough to appeal to him. Never the less it was wrong and he paid a price. If you love him that much support him as he rebuilds his life and always remember to take things one day at a time and over time he will be able to get back into a normal life pattern. It wont be easy.
2006-07-17 16:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by Go Rush! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say that he will live with it for the rest of his life, thats just American tendency
2006-07-17 16:44:11 · answer #8 · answered by rockydriver22 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
was he seeing u and her?
I mean u have to follow your heart if he is the one he is the one it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks about him.
2006-07-17 16:43:10 · answer #9 · answered by Coxie Megan 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋