my ex and I have been seperated for just about a year. He left me for a woman half his age, now she is pregnant and they are buying a house together. She is only 21 and be mostly responsible for the care of my son. My son sees his dad every weekend but now wants to be with him full time in the new house. I have two other children(8&3) I do not want to break up the children but want to do what is right by my son. What do I do?
2006-07-17 15:27:35 · 21 answers · asked by justducky2972 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
let him go...... do it on a trial basis.... tell your son that you love him and are letting him go against your better judgement and your door is always open... tell your ex you want to see your son regularly and talk with him during the week also... let them both know that if you dont feel like he is being taken care of that you'll yank him back home so fast both thier heads will swim... in the meantime you keep legal custody of him... that way you can go bring him home if she is too irresponsible... or they give your son too much freedom...
after a year if your son still wants to be there and he seems to be ok, then relinquish custody to the dad legally...
if you dont let him go, he will resent you...
if you let him go, chances are in less than three months he will want to come back... he is probably thinking it would be cool to be there, but once he starts living there full time he will see it isnt as cool as week ends were....
2006-07-17 15:53:30 · answer #1 · answered by Resasour 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a parent of a 13 year old, not an 18 year old. This means you are to make decisions for him based on what you think is best for him. If his father is not home much and his step mom will be in charge of him.. .. how is this good for him? She is about to have a baby and not have much time to do much else. Get to know the stepmom and make sure you and her on on the same page. She may resent your son coming to live with her and her new family. meantime, you could suggest more visits to his dad's house.. or let him stay for the entire summer and then everyone sit down before school starts to discuss it. It shouldn't be your 13 yr olds desicion though... he needs your guidance.
2006-07-17 15:48:52 · answer #2 · answered by batsey99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not selfish. I am 21 and with a guy that is 29 he was married for 10 years but seperated for like 8, he has 3 kids, 10, 6, and 3. the 10 year old wants to live with her mom but her dad and i dont want her to go or split her and her brothers up. we are not going to let her go either because the reason they dont live with her in the first place is she is a drugy.
2006-07-17 16:22:04 · answer #3 · answered by sissy85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with your son and your ( x ) and talk about it. This decision should not be made without the new woman and should be on a trail bases only. I would not suggest it while she is pregnant or for a few months after the baby is born. She needs time for hormonal adjustment and to her new family. Your son needs to understand that the likely hood of it working at this time is very small due to the changes in his fathers family. He is only thirteen and could be hurt very badly if he is not told what could happen.
2006-07-17 15:47:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have any good reason not to, let him go for a trial stay, without changing the custody. You may find he just wants to to come right back. But more time with dad's is proven to improve outcomes: school grades, sports, drinking, sex, college, higher paying jobs... its amazing how important it is, even when they (the dads) don't seem very good at it. Does husband live close enough that you could see son often?
2006-07-17 16:01:00 · answer #5 · answered by Jessi B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, please do not stress yourself behind this! I too was in this situation BUT it was my daughter who wanted to go live with her dad and well this too hurt me and someone told me the samething as I am telling you they told me to let her go and if she didnt like it she'd come back give your sellf a break these kids know whats going I have a 3 yr old son so I let her go and with in a week she was begging to come back but I told her she had to stay and well why she was gone I got a break and spent more time with my son and then I spent more time with myself and had fun I enjoyed life then after a month Her dad called me and said she hadnt come home it was 1am! in the morning and he was concerned and well no sooner than I got off the phone with him a lady from Greyhound Bus station called me and said that my daughter was waiting on me to come pick her up all the money that I sent her she saved and caught the bus home she stayed 1month 1week she was 13 when she seen all the good stuff that she was missing she came back home and she added his 25 yrold g-friend was not the mother figure/and friend she thought she was gonna BE so when she visited them they seemed all friendly and perfect and when she went to live with them she saw it was different her dad was to concerned about the girlfriend and where she was he wasnt concerned about my daughterso let him go..If not then u will be dealing with the issue that he ran away to go live with his dad. GOODLUCK
2006-07-19 13:58:56 · answer #6 · answered by jcleann13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel , I personally would explain to my son that he has other family members that would miss him very much and that it would hurt them a great deal to have him not living with them .How do you get along with your ex and his new wife ? If there is a conflict between you I think it would be best for you to keep your family together but if you all get along maybe something could be worked out that he can spend a little more time over there. You need to do what your heart tells you ! mommy knows best!!!!
2006-07-17 15:46:30 · answer #7 · answered by sharyneder 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry......
This is something I would absolutely not want to do, but if he isn't a bad father why don't you let him try it out. Hopefully he will miss his siblings and not want to stay, or a new baby might drive him out of the house.
But I think you and your husband should maintain consistency. If he feels Dad will be "easier" or Mom. Eg: Bedtime should be the same no matter where he goes. Homework before playing, etc etc.
Good luck
2006-07-17 15:34:20 · answer #8 · answered by Marge Simpson 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one and honestly, I think it might be something you have to answer for yourself, since I personally don't know anyone in question.
You're obviously hesitant to let him go, though, so maybe start to think about why you are. It's not fair to yourself to just assume that you're being selfish. How mature is your son? How mature is his father? It sounds like the latter answer is "not very", but again, I can't judge from here.
Good luck.
Edit: Sheristeele's advice sounds good, maybe a compromise is in order.
2006-07-17 15:33:34 · answer #9 · answered by nobody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see if you can comprimise with him first:
Let him live with his dad all summer and with you all school year?
I would have to honestly say I don't know what I would do in your shoes, it would be very hard to give up someone you love that much, however, The last thing you want is for him to end up eventually leaving on his own to never come back again because he is mad. A great comprimise may help here.
2006-07-17 15:33:24 · answer #10 · answered by sheristeele 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋