How do i say 'get out'?

Question

we had a friend show up from Calgary last Wednesday...the one before last....show up out of the blue...and he's still here....he doesn't know what he's doing...and we keep saying he's not a problem, but if he paid money it would be different...How long does he have to stay to out'stay his welcome...and what do I do about it? I have a 6 wk old baby....i need my space...and besides he's being a bad influence on my husband...What do I do?

Answer 1

Oh Honey, you have a six week old and an uninvited guest. Tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you need him to leave. You're exhausted with caring for your child, he's adding to your stress and you certainly don't need that. If you're husband would rather do this task for you then by all means enlist his help. It's time for your guest to leave..hopefully by polite means but if it comes right down to it, kick his butt out. Good luck. Blessings on your little darling.

Answer 2

I don't know what your relationship is with your husband but before you go booting out his friend (and yours too I assume) I'd have a talk with your hubby so the two of you are on the same page. A 6 week old baby is reason enough for you to ask him to leave. You have just gone through a major life change (becoming a parent... whether it's the first child or not) and you need your time and space!!! There is nothing wrong with you demanding that. By "bad influence" do you mean he is stealing your husband's attention or influencing him into activities he wouldn't normally do if the friend weren't present?
I definitely think if your friend showed up out of the blue and is still there... and you aren't comfortable with it for any reason then he has overstayed his welcome. Better nip it in the bud now that have to do it weeks down the road ... the problem will only escalate.
Good luck!

Answer 3

Saw a funny answer to this same problem ---"set fire to the Welcome Mat, and throw it in his room and shut the door". Just kidding. Actually you and your husband need to sit down together and talk, then POLITELY agree to tell your house guest that by a certain date you will be needing the space he is occupying for what ever reason you and your husband agree on. ---Other family members are coming to visit. A painter is coming to redo the room, your interviewing a nanny to watch the baby for three days. I do not know who's friend or relative this is---yours or hubby's--or both of yours---but you need to get serious, and convey your feelings to your husband and let him know how this uncomfortable situation is affecting the well being of you and your child. This should have been done in the beginning, the first 2 days he had arrived---like ---"Hey George its great to see you come on in and make your self at home for a while---My sister will be coming in 5 days but your welcome to stay till THEN. But we'll need room by (the date)." If you have provided room and board, you could say "What day would you like to do the household shopping"? Or take him to the movie--You, Me & Dupree. A person should always call FIRST to see if it is convienant to visit a friend, much less show up for a long stay over.

Answer 4

Life is too short for this crap.

I find directness with a kind tone of voice is sufficient. Set a deadline and enforce it.

"Friend, we are glad we had this time together, but all good things must come to an end. The end is now. Please have your arrangements for another place to stay made by this evening."

And just keep repeating it until he realizes there's no other answer. Don't waiver. Just politely and firmly say the above as many times as it takes for him to understand. No shouting.

If his stuff isn't out by 5pm, leave it on the front lawn in a box. Change the locks. You are done.

Answer 5

Talk to your husband about it and have him do the dirty work of making him leave! You are still trying to establish a routine with your new baby. You need to be able to walk around your house with your pj's on all day if need be! If he was smart he would realize you have already been kind enough by letting him stay this long. Good luck on getting your life back!!!

Answer 6

Ben Franklin said "Fish and visitors stink after three days", true then, true now.
You are a mom now, you have to be in charge. Enough is enough. You are acting on behalf of your baby, kick the guest out. Especially if he is a bad influence on your husband.
I would emphasize that you need the space for the baby! Be kind, but FIRM!
Good luck!

Answer 7

Unannounced visits are always inconsiderate unless the parties have agreed in advance that they're okay. Don't just fume. Let your friends know you'd prefer a phone call before they pop in. Say, "Next time, would you mind calling before you stop by? I so enjoy our get-togethers, and if I have advance notice, I can get chores done before you arrive."

I think you may also tell your friend that though you enjoy having him as a guest you need your privacy and refer him to a good , affordable hotel room, give him the phone number or go ahead and make reservations for your friend. Tell him you found a great hotel nearby that he can stay at, and let him know that if he needs anything, to give you a call.

How to Handle House Guests That Stay Too Long
Having guests overstay their welcome is never a pleasant thing. Here's what to do, when guests just don't get the hint and go home!

Steps
Set boundaries. Prevention is the key. Before anyone actually lands on your doorstep, let them know how long you're willing to have them stay in your home. Decide as a family and then be clear and direct in your communication. You might say "Sure, we'd love to see you. We're available tomorrow until 6 p.m." Or, if it's an overnight guest, say "Yes, please come and stay with us, we'd love to have you for two days." That way, everyone knows the parameters.
Appreciate your guests when they are behaving well. If they help with the dishes or offer to watch your kids, thank them. Successful relationships have a 5 to 1 ratio of appreciations to criticisms and yes, that includes your relationship with your mother-in-law! She might be a beast, but the more you can find to appreciate about her, the easier it will be for you to be in the same room together.
Hold your ground. It's so easy once someone is actually planted on your couch for them to stay longer than you planned. If they try to stay longer than you agreed, kindly let them know it's time to go. You might say "It's been a great visit and our time together is already up. Thanks so much for being a great guest and keeping to our schedule. See you next year."
Expect huffy displays of "Who do you think you are!" Lots of people expect others to forego their own wishes to make them happy. But you can only create your own happiness and you must. People who want to push the boundaries of others often get upset and create drama. In this way, they feel they have power in their lives. By creating clear boundaries and sticking to them, you are demonstrating real power, a skill they may not have, which can feel threatening to them. They may feel hurt or they may feel scared. Let them have their feelings without trying to rescue them.
Choose to honor yourself and your family for creating exactly what you all wanted. Find a way to celebrate after the guest has gone. Share with each other the things that felt hard or scary and those that were wonderful and empowering.

Answer 8

It's time you and your husband sit down with this guy and tell him it's time to go. Don't take any grief- he is imposing on your good nature and generosity and his time has run out.

I have an aunt who says, "Guests are like fish, after a few days, they start to stink!'

Tell him he has 24 hours to leave or you will call the police. Tell him he is disturbing your household and you have a family to look after that doesn't include him. Help him pack. Drive him to the bus stop!

Hit the road Jack!

Answer 9

Honesty is the best policy. I would sit him down and tell him what you just told us. Tell him that you are uncomfortable and you and your husband are really trying to bond with your new child. "It would be best if you could find another place to stay. We are fine with you coming over once and a while. We need our space as a family."

That will get the point across, but it is very honest and very nice. If he does not get that, than you have to go mean...we need you to leave. But, I have a feeling that it will not come to that.

Answer 10

Do not be afraid to let him know he has overstayed the welcome. Some people enjoy living off others and if the hubby does not have the guts to tell him to leave it is your responsibility. Your family is at risk and that is the number one thing in your life so do something. You can do it while the hubby is at work.