2006-07-17 11:26:31 · 16 answers · asked by Sophie 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The shorter the better! Thanks
2006-07-17 11:32:54 · update #1
hi im a big scotland fan, and not sure where u come from or if u will understand this but i try it anyways ;-) bec i love that joke and it really makes some sense lol! ok here u go:
In the beginning, The Lord God Almighty, sitting on His throne on high, turned to His mate, the Archangel Gabriel and said "Gabby, today I'm going to create Scotland. I will make it a country of dark beautiful mountains, purple glens and rich green forests. I will give it clear swift flowing rivers and I will fill them with salmon. The land shall be lush and fertile, on which the people shall grow barley to brew into an amber nectar that will be much sought after the world over. Underneath the land I shall lay rich seams of coal.
In the waters around the shores there will be an abundance of fish and beneath the sea bed there will be vast deposits of oil and gas".
"Excuse me Sire", interrupted the Archangel Gabriel, "Don't you think you are being a bit too generous to these Scots"?
"Not really", replied the Lord, "wait 'til you see the neighbours I'm giving them".
2006-07-17 11:33:27 · answer #1 · answered by simi1808 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here are a bunch of short ones.
Why Iraqi Terrorists Commit Suicide
Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.
Let's see now. . . . .
No television
No cheerleaders
No baseball
No football
No hockey
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Wal-Mart
No Home Depot
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No gumbo
No jambalaya
No Beer
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there
are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning
camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
But your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!
I mean, really, is there a mystery here, HELLO?
2006-07-17 14:53:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was looking for a free download Warcraft III The Frozen Throne I found it here; http://bit.ly/1uSFy59
Finally the full version is avaiable!
I love it!
Bye Bye
2014-08-19 16:55:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do not imagine that I say those issues. i do not even understand maximum of them. I surely were sarcastic, although. yet only even as someone on the point of me has requested me a question with an obtrusive answer to it. it must be a cultural component. people also mimic a tremendous kind of what they see on television. or perhaps it is the turning out to be rap way of existence between white people and the individuals who communicate like that opt to be "gang-sta."
2016-10-14 21:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious - Alan Minter
"the bowler is Holding the batsmens Willey" Brian Johnston
I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best
Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country - Ian Rush
"You watch the pitlane while I stop the start watch..." - Murray Walker
"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria... I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." - Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator
He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time. - Richie Benaud (cricket commentator)
"If at first you don't suceed, pull your foreskin over your head (pronounced heed)" - Old Scottish parable
I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat. - Ron Atkinson
What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football - Stuart Hall, (radio 5 live commentator)
"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on" - Samuel Goldwyn.
"What's another word for thesaurus?" - Steven Wright.
"Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me." - G.W. Hegel (philosopher)
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet." Mark Twain. -
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett.
"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage." - Ambrose Bierce
"You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an **** kicking contest." - Rowan Atkinson.
"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own." - Les Dawson.
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright.
"I can resist everything except temptation." - Oscar Wilde.
"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." - Henry Youngman.
"The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important." - Bobby Robson.
"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." - Oscar Wilde
"I have nothing to declare except my genius." - Oscar Wilde
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown.
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." - WC Fields.
"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry.
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." - Groucho Marx.
"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." - Jimmy Durante.
"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." - Douglas Adams."
"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?" - Bart Simpson
"Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos." - Homer Simpson
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman." - Homer Simpson
"Operator! Give me the number for 911!" - Homer Simpson
The definition of a consultant: Someone who borrows your watch, tells you the time and then charges you for the privilege."
- Times newspaper
"The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you." - Charles Dickens.
"A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth." - Patrick Murray.
"Make crime pay. Become a Lawyer." - Will Rogers.
"The Scottish verdict 'not proven' means 'guilty, but don't do it again'." - Winifred Duke.
"Gentlemen prefer bonds." - Andrew Mellon.
"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist." - Franklin Jones.
"All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy." - Spike Milligan.
"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates.
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early." - Charles Lamb.
"If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough." - Mario Andretti.
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" - Steven Wright.
"I believe in dragons, fairies, good men and other mythical creatures!" - Anon
"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label." - Mark Twain.
"As God once said, and I think rightly..." - Margaret Thatcher.
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me." - Woody Allen.
"Whoever said 'nothings impossible' never tried to nail jell-o to a tree" - Lisa Bryant
"If your left leg was easter, and your right leg was christmas, would i be able to meet you inbetween the holidays?" - Josh Longden
"If they can send one man to the moon why can't they send them all?" - Amy
2006-07-17 11:59:25 · answer #5 · answered by englands.glory 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt.
He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."
2006-07-17 14:40:37 · answer #6 · answered by SURAJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of all the things I lost, It's my mind that I miss the most.
2006-07-17 11:29:06 · answer #7 · answered by ••Mott•• 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guy holding up sign at baseball game: john 3:16
Whats that?
-And god said "Go sox!"
2006-07-17 12:40:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
happiness is like peeing in your pants; everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth!
or.....
friendship is like a bra;close to the heart and all about support!
2006-07-17 11:42:49 · answer #9 · answered by Amanda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
'Bibble' is one of the funniest words ever uttered.
its pan lingual too.
2006-07-17 13:11:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋