My mother thinks being called a "grandma" is too old?

Question

My mother will be 50-52 years old when I finally have a baby with my wife.

I don't think she is a spring chicken, but I guess her other friends who are baby boomers think they are too young to be called "grandmas".

Do I allow her to make up some name so she can still feel young or do I say that my kids will call her grandma or by her first name only.

I find her attitude rude, as it is an honor to be called a grandma and my mother-in-law is 4 years younger than my mom and wants to be called grandma.

What do about my egocentric mother? Do I just let her call herself whatever she wants? I am suprised she allowed me to call her "mom"!!!

Answer 1

have them call her "mimi"

we asked what everyone wanted to be called. and thats what they were...i don't think they should call her by her name...mimi isn't old sounding and its endering

Answer 2

Are you really all that angry over a title? The day her grandchild made their entrance into this world, she legally became a "grandmother". If the term "grandmother" is a constant reminder that age is actually catching up to her and being called something special makes her feels more comfortable, that should not be a problem. You are the adult now! You have a baby, you have a aging Mother, so let her be called what ever she wants. Just because she chooses a title to go with, does not mean that the grandchild will call her that. I relate to your Mother and her dilemma, and I have several friends that feel the same way. Here are a couple of names that my friends have their grandchildren programed to call them at this point, "Honey Gramms", and "Jammas" and the list of new "grandma" names go on and on. It must be a thing about the generation we come from. I became a grandmother 18 months ago, and my daughter actually made the transition so easy for me, by finding a sassy" grandma" title that made me feel good. My grandson, now that he is talking, is calling me something entirely different and the funny thing is, I don't care anymore. I love him referring to me as he does, and I can't get enough of it. Now, I am on cloud 9 and as long as he is talking to me, he can call me whatever he wants too. So please don't be so hard on your Mother. Love is still in her heart regardless of what ever "grandma" term she ends up getting named. "A rose is still a rose, by any other name."

Answer 3

Well, according to all the family trees I've ever seen, she would be called Grandma. I agree with you that it's rude (and surely hurtful to you and your wife) that she is worried about a 'label'. You should have your child(ren) call her Grandma. Tell your mom that she should be proud to be having a grandchild to spoil. And I guess, remind her that she is pretty, fun, so-on-and-so-forth, and that she is only as young as she feels. So, Good Luck. I don't have kids, but I bet after that baby arrives she will forget all about her insecurities and won't care what you call her!

Answer 4

I am 28 years old, and due to my boyfriend being much older, he has kids who have kids. So, I have been called Grandma or referred to as a grandmother, at first it made me feel very old. As a woman, society paints us a picture of "grandma" as an older woman in spectacles and a rocking chair, and while there is certainly nothing wrong with that most of us don't want to fit the image before our time. I have realized though, age is a number and you are as old as you feel. Maybe you could help her to feel more secure with herself, and in time she will not mind being called "grandma." If she insists and continues the vanity, there really is nothing you can do but try to respect her wishes, however you may disagree.

Answer 5

Yeah I don't get it being a Grandma should be something she is proud of. My boyfriend's brother is going to be having a baby soon and there mother is only 38 or 39. She is going to be a grandma and she loves the idea.

Have you explained to her how you think it is rude? Or that it should be an honor? Maybe she will changer her tune.

Answer 6

Wow, I was 48 when my grandbaby was born and I have told the world I am a grandma. She has a funny attitude about it. I would allow her to choose a name that means grandma -- not allowing the child to call her by her first name. I don't want to be called Nana or Memaw and I made that clear, so we are trying to teach him to say grandma -- he says Gumaw right now. I am sad that your mother does not have the attitude that being a grandma will be one of the greatest times of her life.

Answer 7

What is in a name .. for a rose by any other name would still be as sweet :o) My mother in law feels the same way so her grandchildren call her Nanna ... Mimi also sounds cool ... The way I see it ... Your mom will be loved all the same, and there's nothing wrong with her wanting to be called something other than grandma. Embrace her individuality and celebrate her sense of STYLE !

Answer 8

That is funny, whether she likes it or not, that is what she will become. Once she is a grandparent, I think she will think it is so cool. My mother kinda went into shock when she first became a grandma but after holding that sweet little baby for the first time, she realized how wonderful being a grandmother truly is. Your mother will come around. Just let her relish in her post grandma days. Her ego will deflate and reality will sink in when you hand her her grandchild.

Answer 9

Being called "Grandma" is an honor and a blessing. So is living long enough to be one. Your mother seems more concerned by her age then excited about the new arrival. That's a shame. But you can't change who she is.... or how she feels about her encroaching years. You can, however, change how you react to her. The best way is to accept her for who she is.... unconditionally.
If her ego is in jeopardy.... let her choose what she wants her grandchildren to call her...... of course, they may or may not call her that. Kids have an uncanny way of inventing their own names for adults. By the way.... congratulations to you and your wife on the impending birth of your little miracle! You are truely blessed!

Answer 10

I realize this is somewhat bothersome. But having gone through it myself with my mother-in-law, I know how you feel. There maybe something else going on. At least in my case, my mother-in-law was going through the change of life and I guess it was draining her emotionally at the time to accept the fact that as you said, she was no spring chicken. When I realized how much the simple term 'GRANDMA' was bothering her, I asked her to give me a list of what she would like to be called and we would choose one we could live with. And she did. For the first 3 years it was mima. But one day when my son came home from her house he said he had to go back to grandma's house. When I asked him if he was reffering to my mother, he said no. He was referring to my mother-in-law who had made it perfectly clear that now she was GRANDMA. What I'm trying to say is give her time. maybe when she bonds with the baby things will change. Good Luck.

Answer 11

if that was my mom i wouldnt even let her see the baby. i probably wouldnt even talk to her, myself. she just gave me the idea that she never approved of me having a family and that she doesnt realize that being a grandparent is part of being a family too. i guess her having me at a "young" age was a big mistake! im stubborn and id wait for her to come to her senses first. whether she likes it or not she is a grandma! and your child will probably feel bad too thinking why is she feeling this way to her first grandbaby. im 30yrs old and im a grandma for my nieces
and nephews. it freaks me out alittle but i like it though. just imagine how my grandma feels...=0)


i just now asked my 10yr old daughter and she read your question and her response was.... (wiith a giggle) "she's 52!"

so i guess with our children its by what you look like or how old you say you are that makes you a "grandma"....=0)