how much damage does childhood sexual abuse do????

Question

My ex-wife was sexually abused as a child. I had no idea what inner turmoil was going on inside of her. She was abused by her grand father at age 5 to 8 . Her mom was abused by the same man. My ex was pergnant married and divorced at 16. Her first husband choked her. Her next boyfriend was scum. Then we met. I was 32 she was 21. We fell in love and were married. Our marrage was great except for a couple of things. She didn't know how to reach orgasm. And she was co-dependent on her family.
We stayed married for 14 years. ! week before our 14th anniversary she tells me she was with someone else. and while he was on top she cried but he wouldn't stop. She didn't know his full name. I went into shock. I tried to control my emotions but I just obsessed about the whole ordeal. The thought of her crying was killing me insi A month later she filed for divorce. What happened to her????? She is so differnt now. She was always a sweet good person and now she is just bitter

Answer 1

The problem with people who are abused them don't ever get over it. they learn to live with it. For some reason they have what is call set back. Your wife does not realize it but she kind expects to have failure in relationships. She expects to be hurt because thats what has happened to her while she was growing up. Children who are abused at a young age have a lot harder time in relationships. She probably tries to push your buttons to see what sets you off. I'm right. But, all in all it sound as if your relationship was going really well and she freaked out. im not trying to make excuses for her but if you love her still you need to work it out let her know how you feel and seek some good marriage counceling for the both of you and maybe she needs some one on one counceling as well. Good Luck

Answer 2

I suppose it could be more detrimental in certain situations. Most sexual abuse comes from someone the family knows and trusts; a male family member in particular. The longer the duration of the abuse, the more affected the child becomes. Oftentimes they tell no one. If they do, and are believed & the abuse stopped - that is the most benificial outcome. Regardless of the reactions and chaos, the child reached out & was protected and validated. However, many times the child may tell someone and not be believed.. mainly because the parent(s) don't wish to believe - or, even worse, be believed but have nothing done about it for fear of alienating the perpetrator. In this case, the child would probably suffer more abuse and feel completely abandoned and helpless. I believe this to be the general worst case scenario. However, I can see situations where the news could divide a family and create other situations (even abusive ones) that could end up being more damaging to the child than the initial abuse. It's all about the feelings involved and how the child perceives things. The resulting environment could feel worse. As for a temporary tumultuous environment or embarrassment caused by the news coming out.. I do not believe that this alone would be more damaging than the abuse.

Answer 3

When anyone that goes through a childhood trauma such as sexual abuse by a family member, that trauma sticks with that person (victim) for life. I know how this is for I was a victim to my father and uncle for many years!! It makes the victim feel dirty and bad and not worthy to have someone love you and all kinds of bad feelings and emotions go through your mind on a 24/7 basis.

Most likely she felt as if she didn't deserve to have someone like yourself to be kind to her and to love her for who she is. She probably didn't or doesn't know how to accept the fact that you love her despite what you know about her past. God only knows what crap her grand-father was telling her during those times he was physically and emotionally abusive to her. Often times it is not only physically abuse, but other abuses as well like emotional and mental abuse too.

Something just snapped in her mind and that is why she did what she did. Perhaps her grand-father told her she was a dirty little tramp or something! Sick people say sick things!!

The best thing you can do for you wife, or ex-wife, is to be her friend. Don't let her actions set you into a rage. Let her know that you still love her and that you will always love her and care for her dearly. I can't promise that she will come back to you, but I know that it is always helpful to know that someone cares.

Good luck to you and your ex-wife. I pray that things work out better for you!

Answer 4

sexual abuse..damage depends on the individual..the extent of abuse..and many other factors. some abused tend to become promiscuous..others become abstinent./or frigid. some are mean..some too friendly. but in all cases counseling.. is neccesary.. as well.. as mental and physical support.. alot of patience..and putting yourself in that persons shoes.. a number of children abused... scream and cry when removed from the very parent that abused them. sometimes.. people equate love with pain or hurt... and abuse is sometimes all that person knows. her turning bitter over night does not seem realistic after being sweet for 21 yrs.. but a psychologist or mental health expert would know best. and what about your issues...what are they. have you ever thrown her past in her face.. or brought it up in anger. have you mistreated her in anyway.. verbally or physically. what baggage..do you have. not reaching an orgasm does not necessarily have to deal with abuse. alot of women dont and they were never abused. the same with committing adultery. people do that and were never abused. so lets not blame everything on abuse. although it could be responsible it does not have to be. crying does not signal a person to stop. a lot of people cry during sex. yelling stop or get off or i changed my mind/// would have been better.. in any case.. if she is definately wanting out of the relationship...analizing is not helping you. move on. if she is not positive and indicates she is doubtful..then counseling should be sought by both of you.

Answer 5

well my friend i too,was a victim of sexual abuse. by my own father ,even when i found out that it was not my fault for it happening .as to your Q.that goes on for life,some times you remember it as if it just happened and some times you can not as if were a dream,when the people who did the abusing die we still can't get back our innocents that was taken.if you knew before you were married you could have tried to find co uncling for both of you to, it might have helped her too.as for the change ,well when things get done most likely she felt worthless, and now she hates herself and thinks that you should have better.her self esteem went so low, that she used the divorce as an escape. from hurting you because of her love for you. because the two of you made it 14 years so she could not stand to lose that .now all her memories will be of the love you shared in those 14 years if you are on good terms with her then you should try to help her with co uncling even if she will let you go with her as a friend ,or even in a group of people who have gone throuth the same thing.

Answer 6

Sexual abuse damages you in many many ways, and you can never get over it. You can learn to live with it, but those core feelings will always be there.
Still, you can't blame everything that you do on the abuse. That's not taking responsibilities for your actions.
She needs therapy if she's never had it. Good luck.

Answer 7

it stays with the victim..it never goes away..i should know i was abused from the time i was 5 to 11..i thought it would be over with when i finally told someone but it didnt..even now some 20 yrs later....i learned to deal with it...

your ex wife is acting out...she is goin down a road alot of surviors go down and it will or could get worse...she does need help maybe you could offer to go with her...its hard to be in your shoes...its hard to watch someone we care about go thru this and not bein able to help...i wish you and your ex all the luck!!!

Answer 8

Childhood sexual abuse does affect your whole life. But I don't think that's the whole story here or possibly not even a part of it. You should see if she is willing to go to therapy with you or the very least a counselor.

Good luck.

Answer 9

ALOT!
But it sure a s hell didn't turn them into a cheater or a ho, quite the opposite in fact. She needs to take responsibility for what she did, and you do also. She didn't screw around on you because she was abused, there is obviously much more going on that you were also not aware of.

Answer 10

It really messes you up inside, my mom let her b/f's have their way with me for drugs. from 7 to 12. I spent years on drugs, booze anthing to kill the pain. Several abusive relationships, my hubby now is kind and caring, has helped me alot. Don't give up on her, she need's therapy.