what should i do !!!!!?

Question

My sister is really against my engagement i am 17 yrs old. My sister keeps questioning every decision i make, i know she cares but i love my fiancee an we both wanna get married in 2 yrs time its not like we were planning it for next month. i know im the baby out of my mums 3 kids but its still my life isnt it???????

Please help!!!!!

I have 2 jobs go to college an have had tons of guys break my heart in that in cluding my dad who abandoned me a few yrs after my mum died. All i have is her an my brother i know she cares but i a commitment person. Thats how i have been since my mum died. Did my mum make me feel like a commitment person without knowing it. i want a long engagement incase it doesn't work out. Help????

i have a flat with my fiancee an my family live at least 20 miles away so i dont understand why they dont agree with it but they never come down,

Answer 1

What is the rush to get engaged?.. Could it be that you feel you need assurance that this person is staying around since other people in your life aren't?..

I don't mean to be rude.. and I myself got engaged last year at 18.. and am getting married in 8 weeks.

Something you want to remember is that if you're planning a long engagement incase it 'doesn't work out' ... why don't you just wait to get engaged a year from now? I think when you make that kind of commitment to someone you should be sure that you really want to go through with the wedding (to spare their feelings if you decide not to.) I started dating my fiance when I was 17 (but he was also older.) I waited a year and a half till I got engaged and I have always set a rule of thumb that an engagement shouldn't be more than a year (or a year and a few months.) Engagement is a wonderful time where you get perks of marriage but not actually have to make that kind of commitment. I think these days a lot of people get too 'comfortable' in the engaged stage and just never get married. Make sure that you're thinking about your future, realize that family not always understand where you're coming from but they do love you more than pretty much anyone in this world.

I really hope that you don't rush into anything (even engagement.) I think getting married at 19 is fine depending on how mature a person is (...I'm getting married at 19...) but I think each stage in a relationship is important and honestly don't see the rush to be officially 'engaged' when you feel like you might change your mind. Have your heart and feelings in mind and his... and also your family as much as you can... sometimes it takes A LOT of maturity to make your family realize that you're ready for this sort of thing. (I'm the youngest of 3 too...)

It's been a tough road for me .. (I guess you might be in my shoes if all things go as planned in the next 2 years..) Don't think it's going to be easy. Don't think peoples minds will change. The only way your family will really see that you are ready for this is if you don't stoop down to a lower level, handle them like an adult, be respectful and time... time will do it's magic... people learn through time.

Good luck and I hope everything goes wonderfully! Please consider holding off the engagement till your 18... I think that would really show some maturity.. (not saying you aren't!).. but to others in your life. If you want to talk about anything message me and I'll give you my aim sn or whatever... cause I SURE know where you're coming from ;-) Been there done that.

Again, good luck!

Answer 2

Well you've obviously had to grow up a lot quicker than most people with losing both your parents like that - which is fair play to you!

But, like the majority of posters her I think you are too young. I know, it doesn't feel like it to you - you have a job and your college and your flat and you feel all grown up but you aren't. You are going to change soooo much in the next few years. I know this will sound really patronising but as I'm 34 you will just have to put up with that but honestly you won't believe how much you and your outlook and your dreams and beliefs and everything will change in the next five years.

I would say enjoy your engagement, its a wonderful thingto feel yourself loved, especially after what you have been through. But please postpone the wedding for a good five years. If you are still with your man (and I hope you are) then go for it. And please keep using the contraception in the meantime.

Show that it is your life by taking control, being sensible and acknowledging that your time on this planet has been so short and that you are only begining the most amazing adventure of all - finding out who you are!

Answer 3

I too was engaged at 17, wish I had a sister that cared for me like yours does. She's looking out for your well being. It's called being a big sister. Yes, they are bossy, and a bit controlling, but she loves you. She wants you to make the right choices. Your sister wants you to be happy and be safe. If I were your sister, I would be against your engagement also. Speaking from experience, 17 is too young to be engaged. If you truly love each other, you'll be together no matter what. Engaged or not. In my case, the guy and I called off our engagement, I met someone else, GLAD I did. The guy I was engaged to was so wrong for me. I married the other guy too, at 22. Also glad I waited. But, it is your life and you have to make the mistakes in order to learn from them. Your sister can't protect you from that. Try as though she might.

Answer 4

You are so right - It is your life. People will always tell you what they think is best, or what their opinions are.

But just take what they say on board. Deep down you will know what you want to do.

Don't be pushed around by what others say. You are your own person.

If you love your fiancee and he loves you, then your sister will have to accept your decision.

Once you settle with your husband to be your brothers, sisters and mum will be there to support you and give you the space you need to get on with your life.

Maybe your sister doesn't think you are serious, or that in being the youngest she feels that she must protect you at all costs.

Just tell her you are a grown woman and you would like to make your own deceisions.

Good luck and congratulations on your engagement.

Answer 5

I know you think at 17 you know what you want...we all think that at that age...however, your sister is probably only looking out for your best interest. I was engaged at 18 and thought it would work out.......it didn't. You don't know as much about life as you think you do at your age. It's good that you are going to have a 2 year engagement though...you will learn a lot in that time....

Answer 6

I got engaged when I was 16 and have now been engaged for 5 years, don't know when we will be able to get married but I'm not in a rush. As long as we are together I'm happy.
Try and get your sister to meet with u and ur fiance, and let her know that you appreciate her concern but u have ur own life to live. She is only looking out for you but she needs to undertand your side of things too. I hope everything works out ok for you. Good Luck =o)

Answer 7

it's really your decision, but i agree, your a little bit too young, but if you fell like it... My advise to you is that you consider it, and imagine yourself with a husband, kids, housekeeping etc, not in you fantasies, but in real life...it's hard. in 2 years you maybe will not like the guy...
I think the best engagements, filled with emotions and, love are the ones made just the two of you, you don;t have to make it official, you know you love each other, why rush? If you're so sure of yourself, why the need to prove it?
Be careful not to mess up your life at this early age.

Answer 8

Sweetie it is so alright!! I am 18 and engaged....getting married may 20th of 07. I got engaged at 17 also! Just beleive yourself and trust your feelings! I mean who says there is a certain age you know people used to get married and have kids at 10 years old!!! You know what is best for you ..live you life and be happy and if it means getting married today or in 2 years ............DO IT. Life it way to short to make regrets. Your sister should understand ...................she is probably just concerned ..............in the long run she will be happy for you ......

Answer 9

Well, you are young. And even in 2 years you will still be very young. At the age of 19, most people don't even know who they are, so how can they share themselves with a husband? I say put off the wedding and go to college, discover yourselves. If you still want to get married when you're 22, then do it. You still have plenty of time, there is no reason to rush. You may grow closer to this guy in that time. Or you may realize he is not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you will have saved yourself a divorce.

Answer 10

Love. It's a killer. Until you have been really let down (and you will be, sooner or later) you think it will last for ever.
Don't you think that maybe you should experience a bit of life before you decide that you've met the person who will keep you entertained for the rest of your life. Never mind the rest, will his jokes keep you giggling? And if they don't now, you need to find a way to listen to your sister, as she clearly isn't doing a very good job of getting through to you.