we've been together for 2 years and recently moved in together. he never wants it and i want it everyday...it's getting frustrating and i dont know if this is normal or what i can do to lower my libido, help!
2006-07-17 08:45:12 · 17 answers · asked by kayla may 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't think trying to lower your libido is probably healthy. It's there for good reasons. I encourage you to investigate all the non-sex issues that may improve your relationship. As you figure out all of those issues, here are 2 suggestions to consider on the physical communication front.
Suggestion 1: Consider alternating days. Suggest trying for one week to alternate who leads or defines that day's physical interaction: timing, frequency, activity etc.
This will likely do some good and pleasantly surprising things:
- Both people feel like they are getting more of what they want on their days.
- Both people get a "day off" where they don't have to decide what to do.
- Everyday doesn't feel like a compromise, meeting "halfway" but never really getting what either wants.
- Both people are allowed to communicate, taking turns listening and expressing. They know they can both speak and be heard, and that enboldens both men and women.
- You discover your partner is happier because they get what they want and they get to take charge a fair amount of the time. And you might be surprised that their libido increases as a result of them having a fair amount of control over the level & direction of things. With clear license & encouragement to be expressive, their enjoyment of the physical activity may increase.
Suggestion 2: Take massage courses to incorporate a variety of therapeutic massages into your physical interaction. This will be more pleasing in more than purely sexual ways, adding more incentive to spend intimate time together physically. Good luck
2006-07-18 10:14:02 · answer #1 · answered by snoopy_jump 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both you and he are normal. The normal human range in sexual desire is from once a month to about half-a-dozen times a day. That's a 200-fold range.
Though you're both normal, you may not be sexually compatible with each other. It may be that you'd be better off finding another boyfriend whose sex drive is a closer match to yours.
If you want to try to make this work with your current boyfriend, lowering your sex drive is not a workable option: it's not going to make you happy, and the relationship isn't going to last. I can only see two alternatives: either he accepts that you want it a lot more than he does, and (since he loves you) he gets you off with his fingers/tongue/a vibrator/whatever as often as you want, even if he's not interested in doing any more, or else you and he are going to need to accept that your sex drive is a lot higher than his and you'll be masturbating a lot when he doesn't feel like it (or of course a mixture of the two). Of these two options, the first involves a lot more emotional intimacy, so it would probably be the better solution, but you're boyfriend is going to have to get past any feelings of inadequacy that it might produce: depending on whether he has issues about this, you may need to massage his ego or help him see that willingness to do this is exactly what makes him (more than) adequate in your eyes.
2006-07-17 08:57:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. I don't think you should lower your sex drive, hopefully just meet in the middle. I'm like you most days, probably every day, there are exceptions. Anyway, we strive for 2 times a week, 3 if I'm lucky. I have found as my boyfriend and I got more comfortable together, that it became more natural. I find skimpy lingerie helps sometimes, not always, and no, I'm not a big cow. Also how old is your boyfriend and is he under any stress. A job change helped by boyfriend in that area also. Hope it gets better.
2006-07-17 09:00:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is anything you can do to lower your libido, I just wish girls that I have been with had as high a sex drive as you, you should tell you man to get with the program.
2006-07-17 08:48:29 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why in god's name would you wanna lower your sex drive? You got plenty of time when you're old to do that. Perhaps you shouldn't just depend on your boyfriend for satisfaction... sex and love are two different things anyway.
2006-07-17 08:49:35 · answer #5 · answered by RAllen1st 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same problem with my ex-fiance. She wanted it far more than I did. I am not sure what you can do. Maybe try new things? Ask what he likes that you have not done, or reach some sort of compromise.
2006-07-17 08:52:33 · answer #6 · answered by mjcariati1971 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to. Have you ever hear of vibrator or move out. The problem is when some men get what they want and all they want they never want it again.
2006-07-17 08:51:38 · answer #7 · answered by big T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you might talk to your ob/gyn some birth control pills can lower libido.
2006-07-17 08:48:46 · answer #8 · answered by smiths j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need 9 more boyfriends!
2006-07-17 08:54:46 · answer #9 · answered by bp1735 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
mine's 10x as high as my wife's...if thats not irony i dont know what is!! he can have his cake and eat it...he need a right kick up his a-r-s-e!!lol
2006-07-17 08:49:15 · answer #10 · answered by Ivan R Don 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋