I am almost 13.And when I turn 13 I have to chose where I want to live. With my mom or my dad.I love them both the same but where should I stay.I live with my dad right now in A.K as I have for 4 years.I live with him now because I was in a car accident.My mom was drunk but has been sober for 4 years.She too lives in A.K.Please help me.
2006-07-17 08:03:27 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
How terrible that you have been put in this situation! Is it at all possible that your time could be split evenly? You didn't say if you are in the same town or not? If I were you , I would sit down and make a chart on paper listing pros and cons of living with each parent. Keep in mind things like friends, quality of schools, safety and quality of the neighborhood you would be living in, ease of transportation to and from school events, your educational needs, etc.Try to be very objective - meaning just state the facts. Then look at your chart and see which living situation has the most benefits for you. Then you can present these charts to your parents and show them you are basing your decision on what is truly best for your education and emotional well-being - not on who you love the most. If they truly care about you - they will appreciate the thought you have put into your decision and will support you.Be sure to reassure each that you love them equally. Good luck sweetie - this is a tough one!
2006-07-17 08:13:16 · answer #1 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to choose one house to live in? If they are telling you that you have to choose between your parents and see ONLY one or the other they are playing head games that no parent should ever play with a kid. Why can't you stay with one through the school year and see the other on weekends and then stay with the other in the summer and visit the opposite one on weekends? Do they live in the same school district or would you have to change all that to live with your mom? thats an important thing to consider. Do they live far enough away from each other that traveling back and forth is a problem? Why don't you try coming up with a plan that YOU like and submitting it to your parents and see what they think?
If they are trying to put you in the middle and make you choose please understand they don't mean to be making things so hard on you, parents mess up sometimes too and if thats the case they are definitely messing up. Be honest with them about how you feel and its ok to tell them that you feel like you are being pulled like taffy and that its not fair to you. They really do believe they are doing the right thing, but what they should be doing is making the grown up decisions for you its their JOB to be the parents, not yours. It is their job to decide where the best place for you to live is and they are making a mistake putting you in this position. Many, many divorced parents make this very same mistake, mine did and then i did when my kids were younger and i now realize what a HUGE mistake and blowing off of my responsibilities that was but when i did it i thought i was doing the right thing.
2006-07-17 08:15:34 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, you don't HAVE to choose between your parents. At 13 you are ABLE to have a say (in some states, anyway) as to where you want your primary residence to be. That doesn't mean you MUST do it.
I think you should talk to a counselor or therapist and have them assist you in sorting out your feelings.
I would lean towards staying where you are, unless you could stay at either place and not have to switch schools.
I'm also a little scared of your mom being responsible for you if she was stupid enough to drive you somewhere when she was drinking.
The best thing would be if your parents lived close enough to each other that you could spend time with both whenever you wanted, but that's not really practical.
best of luck to you.
2006-07-17 08:08:36 · answer #3 · answered by voxwoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to choose? It really depends on each individuals lifestyles and what is in your best interest. The courts may still frown on the car accident thing, even though your mom has been sober for 4 years. However, people do change. Do you have a good relationship with both parents? Are they civil to one another whereas you are concerned? Does your Mom want you to come live with her? Maybe your parents could share custody? You know, a joint custody agreement. Good luck.
2006-07-17 08:10:37 · answer #4 · answered by oklahoma_whistle_britches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, Miranda, tough choice.
Do your parents live in the same neighborhood? School District? I guess it would really depend on what kind of a relationship you have with both of your parents.
Which parent do you think can provide you with the best emotional, mental, spiritual support?
I am sorry to hear about your mom, but I am glad she is in recovery. She may still have ongoing problems that she has to deal with and may not be able to give 100%. On the other hand, I do not know what kind of relationship you have with your dad.
Have you spent a lot of time with your mom during her recovery?
Why do you have to choose?
Are you close to your dad and do you think he is sensitive to a girls needs? Are you happy with your dad?
Can you stay with your dad and just have more visitation with your mom?
Are the courts involved with this decision?
You know you really do not have to decide at all. Tell them both that you feel very uncomfortable and unsure about making such a big decision.
Please let me know what you decide. God Bless
2006-07-17 08:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by Annie R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number one they should make you go through that decision, you are only 13 years old. That is too much pressure for a teenager. That important thing here is what do you really one. Your life is the one that is been affected here that their life's. I don't think you should choose because if they live in the same place you can spend time with both. Weekdays with your mom and weekends with your dad or likewise. The important thing is that you are happy and that you should think they are both your parents and you need them both. Plus everybody should get a second chance.
2006-07-17 08:12:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How far away is you mom from your dad? Where have you been going to school? Do you want to leave that school and go to a different school and start making new friends? Can't you live at one house during the week while you go to school and go to the other for weekends, vacations and summer? Can yo split your time between the two? My granddaughter does this and it works out great for her. She has a bedroom at each house. She thought about going to live with her Dad but wanted to stay with Mom and her friends in school. She can go over her Dad's anytime she wants.
2006-07-17 08:13:17 · answer #7 · answered by sam04m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you see if your parents will do a joint custody. If they both live in the same school district you could spend a month or six weeks or something with each one. If they live farther apart you could stay with your dad during the school year so you dont have to switch schools and stay with your mom during the summer, save like two weeks during the summer for your dad incase he wants to take you on vacation or something. I wish you luck, I had to make this same choice when I was younger and it was one of he hardest things.
2006-07-17 08:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by nynerprincess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents were divorced when I was 7 and I was lucky enough to see both of them equally - no one should have to choose. You know what you should tell them? It's unfair for them to make you choose one over the other - that's no place to put a kid because you don't need that kind of pressure. Try to work out something that lets you go between their houses, or at least spend weekends with one and weeks with the other. Be completely honest with them, too - that'll work better than anything.
2006-07-17 08:08:35 · answer #9 · answered by Veronica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about living with one parent during the school year, and the other during the summer? You will be able to go to school with the same friends that way, and you get to live with BOTH parents for some of the year. Maybe you can even stay during christmas or spring break with the summer parent as well.
2006-07-17 08:07:32 · answer #10 · answered by sheristeele 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋