I started seeing her again because I wanted to see my dad and my brothers. I am 23 years old, I haven't lived at home since 18, I put myself thru college, have a good stable job and I have a house of my own. I don’t do drugs, drink, party or anything else like that. I was always a good kid, and I still am!
I cut her off because she was being negative and mean to me. She says things like I shouldn't have children because they will grow up in a bad home with me yelling at them all of the time. She has said my husband will leave me because I am ***** and a know-it-all.
She rains on my parade and discourages me in everything I do. Its almost like she doesn't want to see me happy.
When I see her now she watches what she says but she still says I shouldn't have children until I am 30 and makes sour faces when my husband and I talk about having a child one day.
I am thinking about limiting contact again and seeing if that works.
Any ideas? She only treats me this way.
2006-07-17 07:40:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She has ALWAYS been like this, it just took me being away from her and counseling to finally accept that my mother isn't the greatest mother.
2006-07-17 07:57:03 · update #1
First of all I want to say, (as a mom myself) that I am very proud of you for you accomplishments and how you live your life. Take note that you are not to be like your mom, and her actions toward you, don't let them rub off on the day when you do have your children. Learn from this how NOT TO BE.
As for your mom I imagine she is a hurting person and feels like she missed out on something in life and takes it out on you. You are young and full of life and maybe your mom feels that is what she always wanted in her life and is having a hard time dealing with it.
You can distance yourself from her but love her thru this difficult time. You don't have to be a doormat for her feelings but you can tell her in a nice way that you love her even if she doesn't love you. You will be amazed how far that will go.
I too had a mom that said horrible things to me and told me she didn't even want me to be born and said she only had 2 sons and not a daughter. She used to introduce us as "these are my 2 boys and this is Carol" I hated that and I felt like I wasn't part of the family. But my love for my dad and brothers allowed me to put my hate aside and just to realize she was a deeply hurting person and I just kept loving her thru all the hurting things she said to me.
It is NOT easy but you will shine in the end. Just keep telling her you love her and when you do visit them be kind but keep your bounderies guarded. You can just ignore her words and let them bounce off you like you have a protective shield on you. When she knows you are not being effected by her words they too will slow down. She wants to hurt you. There is a book out called, "Hurt people, HURT PEOPLE" How true that really is.
Just to let you know that now, my mom is so much nicer to me and she even tells me she loves me and misses me. Love seems to mend, heal, restore, and fix things that seem to be impossible to fix. prayer is a powerful tool to use also.
I will keep you in my prayers.
2006-07-17 08:05:14 · answer #1 · answered by mperfectplan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should not cut off your mother entirely, but you should keep your distance. It seems to me that she has a hard time seeing through your eyes, kinda get what I mean? Not everyone could understand other peoples' beliefs and how they want to live. You should forgive her for that, because she probably can't help herself, but do not, DO NOT listen to crap like when she called u a b----, and know it all. When she says something like waiting to have children later, you might want to listen to some of it, because, ur 23 now right? enjoy yourself without children because when u have them, you will have to spend more time with them than urself. If ur the family type then, go 4 it I guess. If u didn't really understand my message, try watching Madea's family reunion.
2006-07-17 07:56:41 · answer #2 · answered by nichellecomicbookgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow your mom sounds a lot like my mom. my advice is limit contact again for a bit for a cooling off period and try and re-connect. be the bigger person and open the lines of communication. if she continues to act the way she does dont mind her. you've obvious done well for yourself and you dont need any other things hindering you. you know whats best for you and youre old enough to make your own decisions so dont pay attention to her when she tries to rain on your parade
2006-07-17 08:01:26 · answer #3 · answered by Jasmine24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you could only do so much. I stopped talking to my mom for almost 2 years because we would have major disagreements and she would say terrible stuff to me. My mom has been mean to me my entire life but when i chose to get married, her meanesss seamed to intensify almost as if she did'nt want to see me happy. She would say " I hope you fall on your face" or
" You're dead to me", " Your hapiness make me sad", Don't call me mother anymore". She even kicked me out on the street when I told her I was engaged. I've tried to make amense with her but my efforts have gone nowhere. Therefore, with careful thought and soul searching, I thought it was best for everyone that we no longer speak in fact, I have a son whom she never seen and not because I keep him away but she has chosen not to see him or call because she knows about him. Life's too short , and I need to concetrate on my husband and son and those people who surround me with love. Do what you feel is best for yourself and your family. Good Luck!!
2006-07-17 07:56:56 · answer #4 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's important to remember to not allow your mother to control your emotions. You know the things she's saying aren't true. I think if you stop letting her control you in that way she'll realize she doesn't have that power over you and slowly stop saying the things that hurt you. You want a good relationship with your family don't let her get in the way. My Dad was the same way - every time he would say something to hurt me I would say to myself "Only I can control my emotions, when I allow someone else that power, I lose my identity" Just say it over and over and someday it will be automatic! Best Wishes!!
2006-07-17 07:53:21 · answer #5 · answered by krista_focus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I think you should not see her at all if she is going to act like that. Tell your father and brother to come see you and tell them why your not coming there. Maybe one day she will wake up. If not, it's her loss. Your grown and even if you wasn't, you shouldn't have to take that. Has she always been this mean to you? If not, what made her change? Try talking to her and seeing her view. If none of that works, then try avoiding her. Good luck
2006-07-17 07:52:55 · answer #6 · answered by Xena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if she is always treating you that way, and it's causing you to be unhappy, I know you love your mother, but if it really bothers you, you shouldn't talk to her that much. If anything, it might be best just to talk to her at a minimum that you set, so that you can limit arguments.
2006-07-17 07:50:55 · answer #7 · answered by Cielo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Limit contact with her again and find ways to get together with your father and brothers that don't involve her.
2006-07-17 07:50:11 · answer #8 · answered by ccmonty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to leave her sour behind alone. she needs love in her life. and these ADVICE R COMING FROM SOME ONE WHO KNOWS WHATS SHES TALKING ABOUT. IF I WAS 18 I WOULD BE LONG TIME GONE
2006-07-17 08:02:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i can see where youre coming from,sounds like your mom is jealous of you. id tell her if i do have kids you wont have to see your grandchildren either..if you think ill be such a bad mother...its your life not hers ..do what makes you happy and dont please everyone else
2006-07-17 07:46:56 · answer #10 · answered by Ms Scarlet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋