What can I do to stop yelling at my kids and using profanity around them? I have minimal patience lately.?

Question

I realize that I have stress factors in my life but so does everyone else. I try to be a good role model for them but I know that my behavior when they start getting on my nerves is not very ladylike. I have tried the calm, gentle approach and they act like they don't hear me talking. They are primarily pretty good girls but sometimes they push the envelope. I want to be firm but not disrespectful. I don't want them to have filthy mouths because my mom used to fuss and cuss at me when I was growing up. I am a professional woman and some of my peers would probably be shocked to know that my mouth is as bad as that of a sailor at times. FYI, I don't call my girls names like b***h or anything like that, but I will say a bunch of other expletives. I don't like it when I get this way. I need some techniques to express myself as well as to calm myself before I address them. I have 2 girls, 14 and 11 and I am a divorced mother. Their father is not in the picture so don't suggest him.

Answer 1

Take time for yourself. Go out with some girl friends. Or, as silly as it may sound, pray about it. I did, and it worked!

Answer 2

2 girls,14 and 11?...And you're swearing at them cause they won't listen. They're getting on your nerves. You're divorced. The biggest reason they don't listen to you is they're girls, One is adolescent and the other is pre. Hormones are running amok. You need a man in your life so they'll start acting properly. The calm gentle approach is a joke. I've seen so many people try it and 2 block away after I passed them I can hear Mom calling little Timmy or Sarah a f***ing waste of 5 minutes. That's what kids do to adults. And the sad part is there is nothing we can do about it. Sure talk to them, nurture them, spend time with them. But in the long run they will test us mentally, physically and emotionally. But in the long run the adults win. They may be rebelling because they don't have a dad figure in their lives. Keep trying your best babe and it'll work out for the best.

Answer 3

Some ppl use the anger manangement thing by wearing a rubberband on their wrist and pluck it when they cuss. u can also if u think ur gonna cuss stop and say wait a minute plz and if u want get some water or something, adn then continue the conversation. Also i'm sure they have bank accounts by now make it a house rule make 3 jars label them w/ their names and one w/ urs. If u cuss u give them each 25 cents in their jar. if they cuss they give u 25 cents each in ur jar. or u can try if they dont cuss for a couple of weeks they can have that new cd or something like that.

Answer 4

Try to relax. Parenting is very difficult and everyday stress. Just remember why you have these children. Not to take out your stress and anger on them but to love them. The more they feel safe with you and happy the better there furture will be. Don't change your daily routine but maybe sit down with them and say, i guess you haven't seen my good side lately right? Explain to them some of your stress and tell them that they should help out not to make you so crazy or mad. Spend time with them and have time for yourself too. Go out for a while and leave them with grandma.. nanny.. anyone. Communication is always good. You don't have to go crazy with "family meetings" and such but if you chat with them once in a while it'll all even out.

Answer 5

Tell your girls you want to stop using this sort of language and put a cuss jar in a central location. You have to put a quarter in it whenever you slip and swear. Use the money for a trip to get ice cream or another treat when it's full. Also you can put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it when you say something you shouldn't. Aversion therapy is very effective. *L*

Answer 6

Breathing is important in anger management. As soon as you see a situation that is going to cause you to explode, stop, inhale deeply and slowly release the breathe through your mouth. Do this a couple times if you have to, concentrating on the exhale. You'll find that you can exhale all the negative and anger. Then address the situation calmly and logically.

Answer 7

Remember they didn't ask to be born. also, you mentioned your mother did this to you. Remember how it made YOU feel. Don't you want better for your kids? When you feel like you are going to lose it, walk away for a bit until you calm down. When you have tried the other way in the past and they don't respond, it is probably because it is so foreign to them, they don't know what to make of it!

Answer 8

I know how it is. I'm raising my girls on my own, too. There are times that I just want to explode myself, but we just can't do that.

Take some time for yourself either right when you get up or right before bed. There are excellent meditation CDs out there. You might even be able to download something for free online.

That is an excellent way to regroup so that you can work with your kiddos with patience.

Answer 9

You sound like you are angry, get some counseling. I curse when I get upset and I am finding out why now with my counselor. I find now that I curse alot less, especially around my kids. It's just not necessary, we can express ourselves and get the point across without using profanity. Glad you are concerned and don't act like it's nothing, that's the first step! Best wishes!!

Answer 10

Some of it's dietary, some of it is in fact coming from outside yourself. Look up Flax Oil. Both for you and your kids. Too, get in the habit of eating a couple apples everyday. You'll find it harder to reach a boiling point. Both for you and them. Trust me. This works.