for boyfriends(aged 17-21)..girls are welcome to answer aswell..?

Question

will you leave the girl you love if she has a crush on her colleague in a temp job which lasts two more weeks?and she has confessed to you about it..and she says she loves you and that she won't tell her colleague anything...also she is your best friend as well as your gf...what would you do?..(see the other questions i have asked if you want to know more abt my problem)


they don't meet up or anything after work...just email each other alot..and at the end of the day i have to listen to my gf tell me abt her day as she can't tell anyone else abt it..she's a v practical girl and she knows that to leave me and act upon that crush would be a mistake as no one will support her but me and she says she loves me too much to do smthing like that..plus she feels sorry abt it so i just let it be..however she feels emotionally drained and i feel lonely most of the times..we do hold hands and kiss but when we meet after her job ends every day it feels weird..i smoked tday after 2.5yrs.

its not really a physical crush....that i have dealt with in the past with my gf..its an emotional affair..

Answer 1

You say things that indicate she feels you want more from the relationship that she does. She seems to feel it is OK to have what you call 'an emotional affair.'

You also state you have started smoking again recently and you have felt suicidal in response to this trigger. You state you have been in this situation with 'physical' affairs before as well.

I think you have a couple of problems. 1. You don't feel you have the right to expect women to commit to you, or you expect it too early in a relationship. 2. You don't communicate your feelings on this subject properly to the women you feel it for. If you are respectful of women and treat them properly, you deserve to have them commit to you in a relationship. If you ask for it and you don't get it, you have every right to get out of that relationship and seek one that is right for you.

It could help you to discuss your feelings with the women you get close to. Start with, "I feel ..." and say the things you feel. I feel you are an important part of my future. I feel like getting more and more close to you every day. Learn to read their behavior and act on their behavior, not on what you want, when you realize it may not be available to you. If you start to get the impression the woman is not sharing your feelings, start getting out of it and move on to find a person you will match up better with.

VERY IMPORTANT: if you ever feel you are at real risk to hurt yourself and start to come up with plans about what to do, seek help, go to an emergency room and tell them that you are feeling suicidal. They will have someone talk to you to see if you need help to prevent you from hurting yourself.