Is it wrong to snoop through your kids things?

Question

I have a wonderful, bright, inelegant, well rounded 12 year old daughter, who is absolutely amazing! She has a great head on her shoulders and a plan for her future. Good friends and good surroundings. I couldn’t imagine her ever getting into any kind of trouble. But, I still feel the need to double check and I do snoop through her things. (cell phone, e-mails, bedroom) when she isn’t around. I just want to make sure all is well, and put my mind at ease.
Is this wrong? An invasion of privacy? Possible a boundary line has been crossed?
Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you, and God bless.

Answer 1

You profess to how wonderful your child is, yet you snoop. Some how you have managed to raise a wonderful daughter despite your insecurities. When she finds out that you have disrespected and doubted her, she will not only be devastated, but you will have damaged your relationship with her forever. She will never forget.

Since you have so much time are your hands, most people don't, why don't you use that time wisely and strengthen the bond between you and your daughter.

Until you have a reason to mistrust her, you need to respect her privacy. Would you want her snooping through your personal possessions, emails, diary, etc?

Answer 2

"I have a wonderful, bright, inelegant, well rounded 12 year old daughter, who is absolutely amazing! She has a great head on her shoulders and a plan for her future. Good friends and good surroundings. I couldn’t imagine her ever getting into any kind of trouble."

She's 12. Print this out and frame it. It'll be small comfort to you when she hits 14!

PS I'll swap you my 14 year old for your 12year old, but only for a year! I had one of those you describe until about 9 months ago, when the faeries swapped her for the upgraded version. It wasn't a fair swap and I didn't even get any magic beans.

Answer 3

I have a mother who is exactly like you, and she always has been. I began to notice her doing this when I was about 12 years old, and now ten years later, she still snoops through everything.

Let me tell you - when your daughter finds out what you are doing, she is going to be furious. It is a complete invasion of her privacy, and unless she does something to make you suspicious, stay away!!! All you are doing is making her feel like you don't trust her, and forcing her to start hiding things from you.

I feel as though my mother always has something up her sleeve, and I have never been able to trust her. I don't bring any important mail home, or leave my cell phone out where she can get to it, and always delete my emails. She drives me crazy, and there is no reason for her to constantly be snooping through my things.

Please - stop these actions before your daughter ends up like me, and doesn't trust you anymore. Is that a great enough price to pay for trying to find something wrong?

Answer 4

I don't htink it is wrong at all , you are the parent. There are very few boundaries. We do it as a family. Once a month we have what I call the tear down. The kids are cool with it because the rood feels new. We take everything out of the room beds and everything . We clean top to bottom. Walls baseboards evertyhing. As we are putting things back we are discussing the things I see. I ask alot of questions. The kids kids know that they only get as much space and freedom as I feel comfortable with and they are o.k. with that. The way the put it to me is . It's o.k. because it keeps them safe from all the freaks out there. We are the parent so it's all good. It is up to us to keep our babies safe. If it takes snooping then so be it.

Answer 5

Yes, it's wrong. It's an invasion of privacy. I thought you said everything was find with her and she's got a good head on her shoulders?? You don't have any reason to be snooping! It would be different if you thought something was going on. Besides, she's only 12. And you're going through ALL of her things? She will hate oyu if she ever finds out you know that right?

Answer 6

If she hasn't done anything to make you suspect anything then yeah I would say that is an invasion of her privacy, if you ever suspect that she's doing something then you have every right in the world to snoop but right now I would say that you are crossing a big line that you shouldn't, you will end up losing her trust and that is not a good thing.

Answer 7

If you completely trusted her, you wouldn't need to snoop. Is it invasion of privacy? Yes. That being said, she's 12, which hopefully make you at least in your mid 30s. Things are different now than they were when we were a kids. I have a 12 year old son of my own and I trust him too....but he's still 12 and sometimes the judgement of a 12 year old isn't the best judgement in the world (remember when you were 12?). and if invading his privacy a bit is the price he has to pay to live under my roof and my PROTECTION which includes his health and wellfare, then so be it. Our first responsibility is not to be his friend. It is to be their parent.

Answer 8

Humans aren't top ten on the lists of perfection.

Up to you.

Nice that you feel that element of conscience.

I can honestly say in particular the last fifteen years, I've never met anyone who has one.

And you may quote me.

A bond of trust is impossible to find like the one you're shooting for.

I can't get your judgement for you.

It's something you personally work out yourself. I wish I'd have had somebody like you as a kid. I will say this. You are blessed, given the times and speaking as you do.

I wouldn't be surprised if your daughter knows this.

And doesn't really mind at all. Doesn't sound like a dumb kid. I mean, if Mom's an indication!

Hope this helps.

Answer 9

ur child is ur child. it is ur duty to check that she is not in som problem. u must know what she does, where she goes n all that kind of stuff. but it is also not good that u peep into her mails n sms's. just know that her friends r good n she is out of trouble. give her some space. let there be some secates of her also.

the way u r giong will go cool for now but when she grows a bit older say at 16 or 18 she may have some probs.

so be prepared from now. n after all there's a limit for every thing

Answer 10

I think this is wrong as a mother for you to do to your daughter. I think you should take a step back and look at yourself, why don't you trust her? Are there things you are hiding from her?
You know where your daughter is all the time (I hope), you know her friends and their families, kids are not as smart as you think, they will make mistakes, you should be able to tell if she is using drugs you know her well enough to notice a difference in personality. If you keep you daughter close to you I would think she would feel confidant enough to depend on you if she is in trouble. Sneaking around and snooping is not the answer. Communication and love is. Best wishes!!