Am I wrong to feel this way?

Question

My sister annouced she was getting divorced about a year ago. She says my parents pressured her to get married. So not true! As her family, we have all tried to support her and help her out. None of us agree with the reasons for the divorce or understand where it came from. Since, she has made new "friends" and her life revolves around the next party. My sister and I are at two diffrent places in our lives right now and I miss her, but I do not agree with her new lifestyle nor do I like her new "friends". I think she needs to focus on being a mom and take time to be single and strong. I also think she needs to stop placing blame on everyone else and take responsibilty for her choices. Am I wrong to feel this way. How do I get my sister back? I don't know who the person is that invaded her body, but it is surely not my sister.

We were best friend and spent everyday together or on the phone. The change was rapid and after she made "new " friends her marriage fell apart quickly. She used to spend all her time with her family, but now she rejects all of our invitations and when she does accept one, she makes us feel like she would rather be somewhere else. I could accept the divorce, it is the new person that she has become that I don't like.

We were best friend and spent everyday together or on the phone. The change was rapid and after she made "new " friends her marriage fell apart quickly. She used to spend all her time with her family, but now she rejects all of our invitations and when she does accept one, she makes us feel like she would rather be somewhere else. I could accept the divorce, it is the new person that she has become that I don't like.

Answer 1

It sounds like your sister never really grew up. She's dodging responsibility because she doesn't feel like dealing with anything, and of course, it's so much easier to point fingers and place the blame on someone else. No, you are not wrong for feeling this way. It's sibling love, and you're just concerned for her, is all. The problem is, you can't change your sister or make decisions for her. She has to want to help herself first, before taking the right step towards a better future. Just try to be there for her as much as you can, and be there for her children too. Hopefully, she'll start waking up to reality. It also sounds like you've tried to talk to her before. It looks like she's hard headed, and will not listen. Just be there the best you can, and step in only when you see that there is no improvement, or it gets to the point where her health is in jeopardy. Get her help then. Good Luck! Hope this helped some!

Answer 2

You are not wrong to feel the way you do. Unfortunately, there is probably not much you can do about her lifestyle. You can tell her how you feel, but do not come across as judgemental...that will only push her further away. She knows what she is doing and if it goes against her core moral beliefs, she will wake up and realize she needs a change, but it pretty much has to be her decision. If she feels she was married too young, then she is just trying to recapture some of that time she feels she may have lost. Many people want to blame others for their misfortunes...its just a defense mechanism she is using now. Just give her time and remember...whatever you say or do, do not come across as judgemental...it will not help the situation. She may not be enjoying this current lifestyle as much as it seems to everyone. She may be secrectly disgusted with yourself when she lays her head down on her pillow at night. Unfortunately, you will never know this until she come around and she then may tell you what she was going through after the fact. Be there for her when she needs you and let her know you love her and you miss the relationship you once had with her...be her loving sister, not her judge!

Answer 3

I've had family problems too and I know that they suck. You arent wrong to feel that way. When my parents got a divorce and my mom left, for a long time I felt like she was a complete different person too. As for getting ur sister back, there's really nothing you can do. As much as you want to, you just can't. She has to make that desicion to straighten out and get it together. All you can do is encourage her and pray for her. You said that she needs to focus on being a mom and that her life revolves around the next party. If she has kids then you guys need to make sure the kids are taken care of and not around her partying friends. That could be pretty bad. Just keep praying for her and trying cause thats all u can do. Good luck!!!!

Answer 4

You are entitled to feel any way you want. HOwever it is her life and you do not know all the details eventhough you might think you do. You do not know what goes on in her head. You do not know what she has not told you or what might have happened. Just keep an open mind and just be there for her. Maybe this is her way of coping. IT sounds like she was extremely young when she got married. And maybe she felt like she was being pressured whether or not that was the case is irrelavant. There is no such thing when it comes to these things as absolute truth what she might have seen as pressure might have been support in your eyes.
Blaming others well half the world does that the world would be such a better place if everyone took responsibilty for their own lives but unfortunately....

Answer 5

I think her decisions are her own and the way she lives her life is none of your business. She realizes now that she married for the wrong reasons and is not in a place to commit to working out those failings. She sounds like she wants to have fun with her friends and she is allowed to do this, providing she is still spending enough time and loving her children. Accept that her choices have nothing to do with you, stop placing judgement on her, make an effort to hang out with her once in awhile and I'm sure eventually the two of your will become closer. Getting divorced is embarrassing because you feel guilty and because you have failed. It's hard being human, making mistakes. She is probably partying now to ease the pain. It will pass. The last thing she needs is disapproval from her family.

Answer 6

I know what it's like to feel this way about your sibling. And any way that you feel is legitimate if it's a real feeling. I think the best thing you can do right now is just be there to support your sister because you must know that this is not easy for her. She may be confused and going through a lot of things, but sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes and learn from them. All you can do is be there to help pick up the pieces when all is said and done. Because that's what sisters do, and it's what makes them unique.

Answer 7

Well, maybe the suopportiveness of your family made her feel as though she had to go through with the marraige because she didn't want to let her family down. She shouldn't stay in a marraige she isn't committed to. As far as her new friends, maybe she is disappointed in herself, and is in a self destruct mode. She needs you right now to be supportive, and accept her choices. Afterall, they are her choices as an adult to make. It's hard to watch your sister make decisions you know may not be the best for her. I watched my sister do the same thing. It actually took her 2 years before she left a horrible person and came back to her family. We were waiting with open arms for her, and now we have her back. You need to be patient and keep your opinions quiet for now. Don't push her away. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Whatever it is your sister is going through right now, you shouldnt try to talk her out of it & judge her for it! Be suportive of her decisions & let her know how you feel but don't pressure your opinion on her & don't cut her off because she doesnt conform to your beliefs because you will loose her! If she is making the wrong choices she will eventually realize it & fix it, but just because your sisters right isnt right for you dosnt make her a worse person ! Be supportive and patient that way you wont loose your sister, think of it as if she is gone on vacation & enjoy the time you do spend together!

Answer 9

Everyone of us goes through ups and downs in our life, this is probably a down for your sister but still something she needs to go through. The wonderful part of the story is: That's what makes family- family. You stick by your sister and she'll come back to you. You judge and push her away and the resentment will begin. Love is what she needs and it seems like you have a lot to give, be there for her! Good Luck!

Answer 10

You should find a way for just the 2 of you to do something like lunch or shopping and you should tell her your feelings. You can do this without hurting her. I have a similar situation with my sister and I just let her know my feelings on it and stayed away. Which was really hard but she finally understood that I was hurt and she is now coming around and doing better. So just be honest with her and let her know that you love her but you don't agree with everything she does and she will eventually will come around. Good Luck !!!!