My mother is butting in with my plan to have a baby with my husband?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for 1.5 years. We plan to get pregnant next year and our baby will be born when we are 25 and 27 if everything goes right.

We will have our house mortgage paid off next year, and we will have $0 debt. I have a college education and we both have been at our jobs for a couple of years and make a good living.

My mother doesn't want me to have children because she thinks I will have no patience for my children and she thinks I should wait until I am 30 before I get pregnant.

My husband and I rented some movies on pregnancy and babies, and my mother saw the receipt in my car. She frowned and had this unhappy look on her face.

We are happy together and want to start a family, we have had our dog since he was a puppy and he is 2.5 years old and I have tons of patience with him and he is hyper and a pain in the butt!

How do I deal with my mother, she thinks she is entitled to say what she wants about my future kids!

Answer 1

If you are letting your mother get involved in your sex life now...what limits will she have later on?! It's not her decision--she doesn't even get a vote. Either decide now that you will lead your own life--and tell her!!--or plan on having it get even worse!

Answer 2

Well, I do not have children, but that amkes it easier for me to look at your situation at a distance and offer some advice. The phrase 'mother knows best' is absolutly not the case. Although a puppy is not a child I can understand what you mean by having practice. If you and your partner are ready then you're ready. Of course money is an issue, but it sounds like you have that settled nicely. In mypoint of view, I have a great fear of postpartum depression because if my personality I am weary and aware that I am prone to this. For me, I am only a few years behind you, and I feel that I am not ready for child, nor will I ever be. My friends are getting the dog, the house and the kids and I feel that some women just feel that it is the logial 'next step' after marriage and the honey moon. Of course I am not assuming that is your case, but I guess you really have to understand that your life will be put on hold after the baby is born. It is hard work, and it is a huge stress on your relationship, but if you two are strong and ready, whcihis sound syou are, your mother has to understand and apprecite that there is no time limit on pregnanacy. I knowplently of un-patient women that have chldren, it's not somethign you're born with, it's something you aquire. I think the best way to fix the probelm is to have a talk with your mother. She grew up in a different time than you and maybe that is why she is being so judgemental about the whole situation. Ther eis no better time than now to talk with her, after all she is your mother. I hope this helps a little bit. Good Luck :)

Answer 3

Wow! You are much more stable than most people are when they plan for their first child! I am 24 and my husband is 23. We have been married for 5 years and have a 2 year old son and I am 4 months pregnant with our second child. Yes, your patience will run thin sometimes, but the good ALWAYS outways the bad when it comes to YOUR child. The bond that you share is ...unexplainable! Me and my husband just bought a house last month and have credit card debt and sometimes struggle to pay the bills, but it NEVER EVER gets blamed on our child. And if you wait until you are 30 to have children, you will be 48 or 49 when they graduate! I've read in magazines that if you wait until you are financially and mentally "ready" to have a child, it will never happen! Your mom needs to understand that you are an adult now and these decisions are between you and your husband. Just because SHE doesn't want any more doesn't mean you should put off one of the biggest joys in your life that you will ever experience! Go for it girl! It will give you a whole other reason to live!

Answer 4

Unfortunately there will be no easy way for you to go about this. You are simply going to have to sit down with her, and let her know how you feel. You need to explain to her that now all of the decisions that you make are things that need to be left up to you and your hubby. Let her know that she did a wonderful job raising you, so she shouldn't have a problem letting go a bit to allow you to steer your life in the direction that you would like it to go. Make sure to let her know that if you want her advice on something that you will ask her.
This is something that I think that you should do, not your hubby.

If she doesn't back off then you may need to take more drastic measures depending on how much strain it puts between you and your husband. He comes before your mom.

One last thing! :) Regardless of what she says or thinks you need to just do what is best for your family-you and hubby. She will not be the one raising the child, you are. But, I do suggest talking to her about cooling it asap because this type of an attitude from her will cause some major problems when you do have children.

Answer 5

Is your mother more worried about being a grandmother?
You sounds responsible enough to manage your bills, your career and your time. This is a step for you and your husband alone to decide. She isn't required to like what you do, but she is required to let you make your own choice.

Try babysitting for someone for a few days, show her that you have the skills and the patience. If she still has issues, let her know that you will do what you feel is right and you hope she won't be a sour puss about it.

Answer 6

Just do what you want. Who cares what she says. Your an adult and your happiness should come first. Not hers, bcuz its your life. If you let her have her way, you are going to be pleasing people all the time and be very unhappy in the process. You sound more then ready for parenthood. Once your baby is here your mother will fall in love. After all, who can't resist a baby?

Answer 7

This is so typical of most mothers. It's hard for them to stay out of your business especially when it comes to raising kids. But in your case, she doesn't want you to have any until your 30? Nothing gives her the right to say that! You and your husband go on and do what you plan to do regardless of what "mom" says. Once the child comes, she'll have forgotten all of her misgivings and be all wrapped up in being a cooing grandmother! happy parenting!

Answer 8

You're Grown and you shouldn't be listening to what your mother has to say about your future kids. By the time that first baby comes along she will totally forget everything she had ever said and fall apart the first time she sees and holds that beautiful baby of yours. Everything will fall into place and it will be at right once you have your first child. Trust me...I had the fear of everyone being against me having a child but now everyone loves my daughter and they can't get enough of her.

Answer 9

Your plans are good becuz ur life is good.Let ur mother know that u r a adult who can take care of urself.Once the child arrive she will c how much u hav grown so dont worry everythng will b ok. Some things take a while to get over.

Answer 10

you will just have to stand up to her. do it nicely thought because you will need her help when the baby is here. Also research "children after 30" there are alot more risks then and explain those to her. The decision for children belongs solely to you and your husband. Mom will just have to butt-out of that area.

Answer 11

um if you really think you are ready because I do. It is really none of my buisness but I think you should because you been together long enough and you have your college education and your mortgage will be paid off by next week. so you are doing good . By the way I think is to old to be having your first child