How do I deal with my problem sister (please read the details)?

Question

Usually Im good with solving problems, but i need help with this one. My sister is 18 years old and has a baby a year old. This morning me and her got in a fight, she accused me of stealing her body wash and called me a liar because i told her i didnt. Which is nothing less than the truth . I told her she was a ******* peice of ****, and walked away. This is the last time she will piss me off. She never does anything around the house, ever. I clean constantally, ill cook her breakfast, babysit her child, clean his room because she leaves soiled bottels in his crib and i dont want him to get sick. If he needs something from me, shes got it. She doesn have a job and she drives my dads car which he pays for the gas, her and phillips clothes, health insurance, the food... everything. And she if ungreatful about it and i want her to get somewhere. Me and my dad both have put up with her **** for two long, he kicks her out but she always comes back. How do i go about taking care od this?

Im a good person, and Im not a liar. I just keep doing stuff for her and ask for nothing in return. Im tired of it. She needs to get on with her life. I just dont know how to handel her anymore. We cant kick her out, she has nowhere to go. Nobody wants her living with them because shes so messy. If we kicked her out, she would have nothing because she doesnt own anything. I just need advice. Im so mad right now i cant see stright.

The thing is, she has severe ADHD, and has always been like this. The reason I always do and do for her is becuase of her baby, Phillip. I love him so much. I want to have a part in his life, thats a reason why we cant kick her out. Because she has phillip and he doesnt deserve to live the life she leads, he needs better. Im going on strike today. I refuse to pick up after her or take care of phillip. When my dad gets home, we are having a private talk. Im proud of myself because i have a horrible temper, and i didnt beat the f*uck outta her today, i kept telling myself I was better than that, I know Im a good person, and she abuses that for me

Answer 1

It's not a good idea to make important decisions when you are angry. Why is it your responsibility to deal with it at all? She is not your child or your responsibility. It's your father's choice if he will tolerate it. You don't mention your age but if you are over 18, you can always leave.

Answer 2

I have the same sister....only she's 25 and is still doing the same things. She lives in low income housing, has two kids, just lost her driving privileges for 3 yrs. due to a DUI and now can't work. I live more than 400 miles away which helps keep me away from the drama, but I used to want to run home an fix everything for her all the time.

She will not and has no reason to change her behavior if you and your dad keep allowing it. My parents still do things for my sister and she is still mean to them.

I went to therapy for other issues and spent a great many session talking about my sister. I felt like I needed to protect her and that I could show her a better way. It took a long time for me to realize that it's not my responsibility. That was really hard to admit. She's my baby sister and I want to protect her, but I can't. No matter how hard I try. Ultimately your sister will need to learn some hard lessons before she's able to appreciate her family. Or, she may never appreciate it.

My suggestion is to help her help herself. Let's say she wants you to help her pay a bill. You could say, I'll help you get a ride to work, or help you get a ride to the post office to mail it, something like that, but I won't pay it for you.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 3

the only way she is going to stop taking advantage of others is when she is put out into the world to fend for herself and her child. She will soon learn that the things she takes for granted now will become cherished in her life.
As long as you and your dad keep allowing her to act as she does, she is never going to change. Calling names and fighting is not an answer. the entire family needs to set up some boundries and ground rules that need to be respected and followed.
Your sister needs to go out and get a job and pay for her own body wash. If she did not pay for the bottle she thinks you used, then she should not complain if it is being used by someone other than her.
Re-examine all of your positions in the family. Make the necessary adjustments, both physically and mentally and always keep in mind that there is an impressionable mind absorbing all that goes on in the house. Don't allow the child to emulate the mother's poor choices; give him a better chance than that.

Answer 4

Try making her do stuff in return. Ask her to do stuff- if you can bear it- try and ask nice then she'll be more likely to do it. Obviously she's missing a few lessons that you could teach her.
Was she always like this? Before the baby and everything? There's the possibility that it's depression- a LOT of mothers go through that after their child is born and are never treated for it. It's something to look in to especially if the situation is really that desperate.

I suppose if you want her to shape up but are worried about the baby you could call child services and you and your father could take the baby and just kick her out, you know? I'd be really careful with that one though- it's a scary field.

Answer 5

The only thing you can do is try and have a serious talk with her. And if that doesn't work, your dad needs to kick her out and use all of his might not to take her back. And if worse comes to worse, call the child protection agency and let her worry about her own life. Sometimes people have to learn the cold hard facts and get a reality check before they change.

Answer 6

well i think u an your dad should sit an talk to her seriously.
if she thinks u all r joking then u should tell her u would take away her son if she cant be responsible an act as an independent adult
if it were me i would say ''u want to have sex an make a child an u cant take of it''.
come on she is 18 years old she does not have a job an she does not contribute to anything.i think that u should stop being so nice to her.she does not no what she has going on there
on top of that she is living in her fathers house an according to her sister she does nuttin for her son
we cant blame her for having the child
having a child is a wonderful an blessed thing
no one says that family cant help out but it has its limits
she needs to get her facts straight
besides where is her boyfriend//her babys father
i think he should contribute to this situation after all its his sperms that got her pregant.
u all should talk to him as well if he is around!!!!!!!!!!!
try that

Answer 7

Wow. I do feel sorry for you. But you have to kick her out. She is 18, legally an adult. Or, your dad needs to charge her rent, take away the car (what does she need it for, she doesn't work), and put some rules on her sorry butt. The problem is, you guys have already given in to her needs.

She needs a firm push out the door, with no return ticket. Believe me, she will figure it out. She has to. If you think your nephew is being neglected, you can actually see a lawyer about suing for custody until she is going to deal with life.

Right now, you and pop are only hurting her chances at being independent, not helping her.

Again, kick her sorry *** out the door. Then change the locks.

Answer 8

Well it sounds like your sister needs a serious reality check, miss spoiled princess that she thinks she is. Sounds like everyone in your family including you are enabling her to be lazy and not take care of herself and her baby, because everyone does it for her. I would say stop or at least slow down on doing all things for her, make her take care of her child herself. Have a chat with your dad and your family, maybe if everyone stops making life so easy for her to be lazy she will get the idea and do something for herself instead of knowing she has all of you to do things for her. That is called tough love and if you can do it you will feel kinda bad for a little while but it is whats bes for everyone.
Maybe find the classifieds for her and say here is a possible great job oppotunity for you....and you can help babysit like you are obviusly doing already.
Pray for her God works in mysterious ways...good luck, and God bless!!!

Answer 9

Well, I don't know your influence on your sister. I would really recommend her to go for a manual one-time treatment called Atlasprofilax. There is a fair chance of definitely getting rid of the symptoms of ADHD!

I have experienced the same treatment for other symptoms - with great success!

At present, the treatment is available in California and Europe only, costing about 200 Dollars. It's really worth travelling far. Good luck to both of you!

Answer 10

Wow, this is exactly like my situation with my sister. I live with her, her 2yr old girl and my mom. My sister is lazy, messy, doesn't work and barely watches her kid. Just like everything you said and my mom and I are sick of it. Like you said, we can't kick her out because she has nowhere else to go.

I want her to suceed in life and not live off our family forever, and I'm sure you felt the same way, but I don't know what to tell you...maybe people like this need some sort of motivation, do you think she's depressed? We thought that for awhile, but I'm starting to blame my parents. Maybe if people like this are forced to live on their own, they'll see that they have to work to survive...but you said you guys already tried that...maybe your dad should try it again but be firm and not let her move back in. I know it's mean, but tough love is sometimes the only way to solve things.

Answer 11

Have you and your dad looked into some of the social agencies in your county? There are some organizations (thru United Way, for example) that could help out, especially for counsel ling. I am thinking about family counsel ling. If your sister won't go, you and your dad should go.

There are church agencies that can step in to help, too. You guys are overwhelmed with this responsibility and from your description of your sister and her behavior, she is overwhelmed, too. (Although, she isn't helping her situation at all). Look in your yellow pages under Pregnancy Care.

I hope these ideas help.