How do I tell my kids there mother has died.?

Question

My ex wife killed herself this weekend. We have 3 kids 10 8 and 6. I wonder if I should tell them what happened or just tell them she had a accident and then tell them when they are old enough to understand.

Answer 1

At ten, eight, and six, they can only understand so much. You don't have to let them know the details, just tell them that their mother loved them in the best way (she knew how) and that you will still be there for them and that you love them very much. Let them see her picture and ask them to remember something good about her, and tell them to hold on to that memory. I know it's going to hard on you raising three children on your own but you can do it. I've been doing it for twenty years by myself with three of my own. It's hard but you can do it.

Answer 2

You should tell them the truth, but in different ways since their ages are different.

Children need to know that death is a reality. And they don't need to be told something different than what everyone else around them knows. Someone will slip up and let the truth out and that will cause great distress and mistrust.

Perhaps you could say that their mother was so sad that she did not want to live anymore. But remember to tell them that this is not the answer, and that they can pray every day for her to go to Heaven. This will give them a way to show their love for her and "help" in some way.

And remind them that if ever they are sad to please talk with you or someone who loves them.

I would NOT recommend counseling. People seem to do this nowadays as a knee-jerk thing. Grief is a natural process and children don't need to be put interrogated by some stranger with a degree to have it examined and highlighted. In fact, counseling may only aggravate the problem since it forces the child to focus on the loss on someone else's schedule.

Let them go through the process in their own way and only go to a doctor if there are serious problems that develop.

God bless you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Explain to them that Mommy was having some problems and didn't understand how many wonderful things she had to live for, like her children. Above all make sure that they understand that this was NOT their fault. Most children blame themselves for whatever happens to the parents. When my father died, (I was 12) I was positive that it was my fault because we had a fight the night before. He had a heart attack. It will be even harder for your children, since it was a suicide.

Your children are old enough to understand a lot more than you may think. Be honest with them. Tell them that she died. DO NOT say Mommy went away and isn't coming back. This happened to my father and he lived his whole life believing that his father had abandoned him. He had died of natural causes. I found out the truth many years after my dad died.

You are in a tough position but you should be the one to tell them the truth. They will overhear relatives and friends talking about this at some point and I know you want them to be able to trust your word. Don't let them find out from someone else.

Good luck with this. No matter how you handle it, be prepared for a lot of questions, tears and self blame.

Answer 4

It is going to be tough, what you should do is just tell them what happened, you don't have to go into detail of what happened just that it did, be sure to reinforce with them that it was not them caused her to do it and that it was NOT because she didn't love them, it was just something that happened.

You should also talk with priest pastor Rabbi or what have yo about grief counselling maybe not so much for the 6yr old but defiantly for the older ones. Give them a lot of love and attention and be there to answer any question that they might have.

Also remember to take care of your self through this whole thing build your self a good support team if possible of people you know that you can rely on like friends and family that you know will be there for you and the kids should you need them.

My thoughts and prayers are with you

Answer 5

This is so terrible. There will be no easy way to tell your children about what happened to her. If it were me, and I was their father, this is how I would handle it, especially at such a sensitive age. I would sit down with my children and explain that their mother would not be coming home, there was an accident and your mother has gone to Heaven. If they one of them ask what type of accident, I was just one of those strange accidents that happen sometimes.
You know you will have to be careful because you do not know if this will be in the papers or perhaps someone might approach your children about this situation. There are lots of cruel people in this world.
I will pray that the LORD keep you strong during this time of loss.

Answer 6

I think you need to be honest. Don't lie to them even for the sake of the feelings.

My rabbit died when I was 10 and my parents lied and told me it ran away. I found out 5 years later that it died because the dog ate him and it actually hurt knowing they lied to me. It was just a rabbit, but it is the same idea.

You need to go see a counselor immediately and take your children with you too. If they are not treated mentally and emotionally for this they can be messed up for the rest of their lives.

They are old enough to talk about death and understand why their mother died and why its not their fault. They are going to feel guilty, abandoned or afraid you may leave them too.

Oh and don't take the person's advice about saying you don't want to talk about it. Thats the worst thing you can do to your kids right now. Make sure they know they can talk about it and ask any questions they feel they need to ask. The last thing you want your kids to do is to withdraw and clam up. If they want to talk about it all day and all night then you talk to them, they need you more now then they ever have. Don't make them feel alone.

My husband's father died when my husband was 17. He said they best thing that helped him was to keep his daily life going. Like get your kids back into school, sports, the normal things they do. Don't allow them to dwell on this to where they don't do the things they did before their mother died. My husband went back to school a few days after his dad died, he said it was hard, but he focused on school and didn't sit at home and think about his dad's death all day. Keep your kids busy and keep the communication open in your family.

Please get counseling!

Answer 7

im sorry to hear about your loss.

If it were me I would want to know how, but depending on the way she died the details might be too much.

Be honest, tell them that she killed herself and a good reason as to why she would do that (lie here if you have to).

lieing will only cause problems as when they get older you may end up not telling them as its been so long, if they find out relationships could be damaged.

the longer you leave it before telling the truth the harder it is, and at what age is 'old enough'

The truth, tell them now, get this tough moment in your life over with.

Answer 8

Just tell them now but in a way they can kinda understand. I would hate going through life thinking my mom died of natural causes or an accident and then later find out she killed herself. I would have rather known up front.

Answer 9

I know that we should never lie to our children, this can keep their trust away from parents. So I suggest not to tell them the truth neither a lie. Just say she die and that right now you don't want to talk about it. Tell them that those things happens to people and you can't even explain it. So when they are old enough you can tell them the truth.

But don't lie to them, they might get angry at you, but also saying the truth at their age it could harm them.

Sorry in the lost of you wife.
My sympathy is with you

Answer 10

Honesty is the best policy and be sure to seek some counseling for the children. My son was 6 years old when my mom passed away and she was babysitting him while I was at work. He is now 11. He understands life and death...very much into church. It is not easy but never lie to a child because they are so innnocent and they know better.

Answer 11

Please do no longer say she is on trip. He thinks she does not want him. tell the newborn now, as quickly as attainable, so he does not sense deserted. enable him circulate to the funeral so he can say see you later and understand that mommy replace into enjoyed. make useful he knows it wasn't her determination and that she continuously enjoyed him. understand the ranges of grief, which includes he would be indignant at her or others approximately it. If the coffin is open, then have it closed during the provider so as that he does not could desire to bear in mind lifeless mommy. (that's what my mom did whilst she died. Open on the funeral domicile, closed on the church so it does no longer disillusioned the grandchildren.) How is by no potential person-friendly. only take a seat him down and tell him what got here approximately. do no longer say she is asleep, be uncomplicated. young ones savour that. enable him ask questions and answer certainly. (LIke the place is she now. answer in her perception equipment, no longer yours, if it is distinctive.) sturdy success and that i'm sorry this has got here approximately on your loved ones. it is by no potential person-friendly.