What to do about jealousy?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He has suffered from depression most of his life and is just now getting back into the swing of things. He openly admits he has dated alot of people and has had sex with alot of them some on first dates. He likes to be friends with everyone, and keeps in touch with some and other's he doesn't. Anyway, alot of his close friends are people he's dated and had sex with. He is not a player, just said he was always lonely and it just happened. I have to admit that one of my good friends i did sleep with once, but never dated or had romantic dealings with. it just happened and i regret it. is it wrong of me to be bothered by him being friends with these people when i have one myself? i feel as if asking him to not associate with these friends and ex's would kill his social life and he would be really sad because he cares about them "as good people" so he says. I just don't know what to think. Help
mind u this is a gay relationship.2men

Answer 1

you can't tell him not to keep his "friends" when you have one yourself. it would be a double standard. just because he slept with them once-upon-a-time doesn't mean that he still has feelings for them or is even remotely interested in sleeping with them again. he is with you now and that is all that should matter.

Answer 2

Well I guess it all depends on how much you both trust each other and if this is really the person you would like to grow old with. Relationships with ex's can be very tricky because one doesn't really know the old feelings that may or may not come creeping in. I think maybe best if the 2 of you sit down and talk it out with no interruptions and get all your feeling out on the table. Remember, you each can't be mind readers to the others way of thinking. Be honest and forthright and if he truly cares about you and you truly care about him you'll understand where the other is coming from and hopefully work around the problem. Hope this helps and makes sense. Good luck!

Answer 3

You know it really doesn't matter whether or not that you are in a 2 men relationship if this is a concern to you then you need to deal with it as soon as possible.

You already admitted to your infidelity so he needs to be told and you need to tell him about yours and let things work itself out there. The longer that this goes on the more problems this will cause for you down the stretch. It is okay if you feel comfortable with the idea that he has friends of this caliber but believe me how long will you deal with it? In most relationships friends that they had relations with have been the downfall of a great many relationships and I am telling you this because it is a fact.

It is not about jealousy either let's get that straight too, just because you are addressing your concerns about something that makes you feel bad doesn't make you jealous. Even in most straight relationships we go through the same issue and yes it makes us look as if we are jealous but we have to make a stand and let them know. And you are going to have to do that too dispite it looking like you are jealous. But this is up to you, You have the choice to make this relationship or break it. Your choice, Now what are you going to do?

Answer 4

I believe that you should focus on new endeavors together, as you do this you will find many new friends together and your trust and love for each other will go to a whole nother level in life's journey. the past needs to remain just that, the past. and your future will be one of love and peaceful thoughts. yes, you may lose a few current friends with this new change, but always remember those day's of confusion and never look back. this would be a perfect opportunity to show all you meet how wonderful true love and Passion for life can really be. if this is truly love then take your place with all those before you and show the world the real meaning of peace.
just a thought from a redneck man, the world is not all made up of bigots.
( simply looking for peace in the eyes of those who have found it !!! )

Answer 5

My thought on men gay or not is that they will cheat..at least most of them, my ex had a best friend, yippie...so I thought turned out that his best friend was his ex girlfriend that he had lost his virginity with. So I was not too happy about it, but I let go of it and six months later I found out he had been cheating on me with her, it wasn't just sex they were in a "relationship" that's what they called it anyway. Since you have a "friend" the same as he, if you decide to ask him not to see someone you best be ready to give yours up. Most people go on the thought that trust is everything in a relationship, and to an extent it is but when it comes to doubts and jealousy it's understandable, you should go out with him and his friends, be sure to watch closely and if you still have an issue with it, tell him that night. Or you could just wait 6 months, or years....these things come to the surface eventually.

Answer 6

ok, well it would bother alot of people if it crossed over a certain line. to be honest as long as it doesnt get to the point where it is taking over what u have then leave it be. but just warn him that u will allow the friendships on the grounds of your choice, as he has to remember if it was the other way around he would prop feel the same.

dont give him a hard time otherwise ur just pushing him into their arms, gay or not.

take care

Answer 7

jealousy will kill a relationship faster than the plague..you have to trust that he will not cheat on you but if he does then that puts your health in danger and you have to be strong,ask serious questions,safe sex,unsafe,how many times.some times just listening to your lover can make jealousy go away,I dated a bipolar man for 11/2 years he was totally obsessed with sex and women,in the end he imported a woman from another country and that broke us up,you have to know when its worth saving or worth leaving a relationship that is.

Answer 8

If you are included in these relationships then I see no reason for you to ask him to not be friends. If you cannot be friends with them also, then I think that he shouldn't be either. That is the real question. Does he include you?

Answer 9

he should understand that you are not comfortable with him talking to those people. how would he like it if you did the same things. and the longer you are together the more the jealously subsides.

Answer 10

Nothing you can do but move on to someone else. Life is short.