aggressive child, help me!?

Question

my son thinks its hilarious to attack and really hurt me, he laughs his head off, especially when hes pinching my belly.I am very firm with him and never laugh back but nothing seems to deter him.Its really painful!How can I stop him, hes 16 months old and very clever.

Answer 1

I also have a 16 month old that does the same thing. I spank his butt(not real hard), and tell him to be nice.Then I take his hand and make him touch my face softly and repeat to be nice, these are nice touches. I can tell it gets to him because he looks at me with those big puppy dog eyes and cries. That is also the way we taught the toddlers in the daycare I worked at (minus the smack on the butt). We just took their hand and told them to use nice touches. It really does work, but it may take awhile. Hope this helps...good luck!

Answer 2

Have you tried punishing him in return? Put him in an empty bedroom without any of his toys for 1-2 minutes (1 minute equal to every year of his life) everytime he hurts you. Go in after a minute and make him apologize. If he doesn't, shut the door and continue for another minute until you get the apology.

He will never learn that what he's doing is wrong unless you take away what he has. Scolding him, even being firm, isn't going to stop anything. He does it because he knows he can get away with it with just a firm speaking to. Once you begin placing him in an empty room, or in a naughty chair, he'll slowly begin to grasp the concept that what he's doing isn't right and that he's going to have to face consequences for his actions.

If worse comes to worst, spank his bottom everytime he does it. I don't agree with using force on a child, but this is serious stuff. Everytime he punches, kicks, or pinches you and thinks it's funny, turn him over and give him one swift spank on the bottom. Use this as a LAST RESORT though. I do not agree with spanking children, but if this behavior becomes too aggressive and you can't seem to get results from the previous options, either seek professional help or use the final option.

Good luck!

Answer 3

When he does it say no very firmly and nothing else then put him in a safe room with the door closed for a couple of minutes (try to avoid using his bedroom or he might start resenting bedtime, and no more than a couple of minutes) Its possible he is enjoying the attention you give him when you tell him off, children crave any kind of attention from adults even if its being told off so stay as calm and say as little as possible, 'NO dont hurt mummy' should be enough, get on his level and gain eye contact before you do it then take away eye contact and remain calm. When you place him alone somewhere he will soon realise he wont get the attention from you he wants. Dont mention it again when you let him out of the room but go mad on praise when he does anything positive as this will help him learn how much attention he can get when he behaves. Good luck xx p.s just read the advice about holding him, good idea you could use the hold instead of removing him from the room but just completely ignore him whilst you do it.
Nanny for 11 years.

Answer 4

If you've approached him with the general attitude of a stern "NO!" and he still does it, start grabbing his hand when he reaches for you and tell him "NO!"

Try startling him as well with a shriek or a very loud yell. Sometimes shock will go further than discipline!

If he still does it, then it may be time to take harsher measures, such as slapping his hand. After a few slaps, he might get the idea that its not acceptable.

Unfortunately, the first couple times he did it, you may have reacted mildly, so he got the impression that it was ok. You may need to keep a closer eye on him as well... it may be that as he gets older, he will try this tactic with other kids, or start hitting, biting, or pushing. Like you said, he's a very clever kid..... He might be able to associate this behavior with getting his own way when he gets a little older.

Answer 5

There is already a lot of good advice here, but I think it's especially important that you discuss this with your pediatrician and get a referral to a child psychologist. This behavior sounds a little over-the-top for a 16-month-old and your child really needs to be properly evaluated. Some professional intervention may be necessary both to help your child and to help you in learning to deal with this behavior. Please make an appointment today. I am not big on labeling children too early, but this sounds like something more than usual toddler misbehavior and the earlier you seek intervention, the better the outcome. The suggestion to have him evaluated for Asperger's Syndrome is an excellent one.

Answer 6

There is a classic book on this problem by Dr. James Dobson called the The Strong Willed Child. The subtitle might be Bending the Will Without Breaking the Spirit. A certain per centage of children will challenge you every step of the way. You must win the battle for your child's sake.

Answer 7

There is a special hold that worked for one of mine and recommended by a behavioral specialist. Sit down and hold him, back to you, place your legs around his so he can't kick you, wrap your arms around him and hold his arms wrapped around him so he can't move. Continue this hold until he calms down and listens to you. Talk in a manor that he can understand, he is still a baby, and explain that it hurts, it is not nice and he is not allowed to act like that. Do it EVERY TIME, he will not like the hold and will struggle with it for a few minutes but will get the point that this behavior is not acceptable.

If his father is in the home also have him explain during a calm time that he is not allowed to hurt "his wife, his friend, his whatever" that way. Don't use terms that make you belong to the child, just to the father. It helps them see that you do not belong to him, you are not his to abuse.

Other then these methods we used, GOOD LUCK! This is likely something he will outgrow with help. We went through this with my 5 and 6 year old. The last couple of months have been much better for us, they have calmed down a tremendous amount and the hitting slowed dramatically a few months after starting these tricks.

Answer 8

This is not the behaviour of a clever child. Clever denotes intelligent and he hasn't caught on yet. At 16 months he hasn't learnt where he ends and mummy begins but you need to stop this before he does it to someone less understanding than you.

Try to anticipate when he will attack and grab his hands saying no, firmly. If he wants to make this a game put him down and walk away, saying when you are ready to be nice we can play again, read again, cuddle again etc.

Good luck!

Answer 9

For one thing, don't spank...that's just giving him what he's wanting....exchange of physical harm...horse play. If you feel it comes to that...send him to another room and take a second for the both of you to calm down. Generally, parents will use to much force when spanking if they are upset or enraged.Just ignore it at first and if he keeps on give a punishment like take away something he loves -or- if this might be long term...take him to see someone about it in a year or two thatll embarrass him out of it and probably teach his lesson. Do anything YOU think right....he may grow up to fight alot and possibly harm girls/women...it's a good thing you've realized something is wrong since he's so young!!!

Answer 10

He's laughing because he finds your reaction funny. You must give him very clear, absolute signals, not wishy washy ones. You don't reason with them aat that age, its just 'yes' or 'no'.
You are going to have to give a clearer signal that it hurts and its not acceptable.
Yell 'Ow!' and 'No'. Then put him in a safe place for a while and walk away while saying 'No hurting'.
When you return after 3 - 5 mins or so he'll probably be having a tantrum. Just stay calm.
Whenever he repeats the behaviour go through the routine, if you don't get results fast I suggest you go see your G.P. and get expert help.