when i was four months pregnant we got into a fight ( coz i found out he lied to me about going with someone else) and he kicked me in my tummy which threw me to the floor. Needless to say I left him and dont want anything to do with him..he now demands that i let him see his son once hes born and have regular contact. I dont want him anywhere near my son as he doesnt deserve to be a father!! am i wrong in my decision?
2006-07-17 03:51:50 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I'VE BIN WHERE U R! my violent x beat me, threw me down stairs, repeatedly kicked me all through my pregnancy. i was stupid and stayed with him, it carried on then i left when he almost hurt my son directly. social services have banned him from seeing my son now. i suggest u talk 2 social services and tell them what he did and what u think he's capable of, if u think he'll hurt ur child now then they'd probably be on ur side and support u.
2006-07-17 09:27:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
You should seek legal counsel. If you can't afford, call the local university they offer free legal assistance or advice especially which is what you need. It is never ok under any circumstance for someone to hit another person, especially when she is carrying a chlld and that force is directed toward the stomach. You must be strong and do what is right for your child and for yourself. There are litterally millions of men in the world. And they are not all abusive. Whatever feelings you have for this person its not a good enough reason to continue a relationship of intimacy with him. Seek legal counsel regarding your concern and have it documented by law enforcement so you will have it in the future should you ever need to enter the court system for battling of custody. Seek the assitance of a mental health couselor for yourself. Children do need their fathers, but you need to make that decision with the guidance of a professional due to all the circumstances and feelings only you know. Don't put your son in danger or yourself. This act was an act of endangerment. Your child can not protect himself, it is your responsiblity. Best Wishes.
2006-07-17 04:18:40 · answer #2 · answered by ericka r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry sweetie, but unless you can prove in a court of law that he put you and the unborn child in danger, then you can't legally stop him. You could always take the child and run away to Mexico, but you'll be caught eventually, and most likely arrested for kidnapping. And don't think it can't happen, either, cuz it did to my wife's mother. Hopefully this dude will grow up once his son is born, b/c having an active father is a very important part of a young boy's life. Just my two cents. Good luck with everything.
2006-07-17 03:58:34 · answer #3 · answered by mtjbrady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutley not wrong in your decision. However, I still think it's important for children to know their fathers. Talk to you ex and tell him your concerned about his previous abusive behavior and that you would be more comfortable in having an additional third party there when he sees the baby. (Your mom or dad or a close friend) Once he proves he's not going to hurt the baby, then your fears should subside. People can surprise you. I love my husband to pieces, but never thought of him as the father type... but he's the best father my son could have ever asked for. You ex could prove you wrong about not turning out to be a good dad.... give him a chance.
2006-07-17 04:22:13 · answer #4 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got a tough decision, is he normally aggressive or just after drinking? i dont think for a minute he would be aggressive towards the child, but you know this person better than i do? it's a normal feeling you have about the father and visitation to his son, it's hard to comment on this subject as i dont know either of you?
you can't be blamed under the circumstances your feelings over this matter, i hope you have a caring family who can help out?
if things get too much, your option is to move well away! this truly is a difficult question to answer. the situation may get better when he finds another partner?
2006-07-17 04:11:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer and get a restraining order to show cause that you fear for you and baby, then if he wants visits it has to go through the court and if the court sees it fit they will make a parenting plan. The Judge may order him to take parenting and Anger managment classes, but that won't happen if you don't speak up abou the situation. Did you put the name on the Birth Cert? If not He can't have visits till he pays for a perternity test to prove he's the father...these test aren't cheap. As a matter of fact if hes not on it, file for the restraining order, that way if he does things before he proves hes the father, if he does that, you will have a record to show the Judge he is Violent.
2006-07-17 03:56:29 · answer #6 · answered by princess_darkfairy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong. He does not deserve the right to have contact with the baby and a sperm donor is just that. If he persists in bothering you take out a restraining order and make sure you enforce it.
If you are going to seek assistance from the state after the baby comes they will need to know who the father is and he will have to submit to a paternity test. They will try for child support then too. But in cases like this I shake my head and the best advise I can give is to just let him go and don't look back.
2006-07-17 04:05:21 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel, and I agree with you even though I think it is a minimum right for the baby to have contact with both parents even though they are not together.
In a case like this I'd contact a lawyer. I'd stop using the arguement you use; "he doesnt deserve to be a father" though. That is not your decision to make, and it only sounds like revenge. It does not sound good at all. Use the arguement that he was violent and you dont trust him. You are afraid of him violating the kid because of poor anger management.
Good luck
2006-07-17 03:57:48 · answer #8 · answered by Tones 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
truth is, while he sounds like an asshole, he is the father. however, if you feel threatened by him, then you can get a protective order for yourself and your son. (i'm going through a VERY similar situation) And, since you aren't married, you DO NOT have to put him on the birth certificate, which will make it even harder for him to get any rights. Look into the laws in your state... but keep in mind... you are the one who makes the final decision. This is your child. Do what YOU think is best for him.
2006-07-17 04:15:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have a very valid reason for feeling the way you do...But the law might not see things the same way. So, it might be smart to set up legal custody arrangments to avoid problems later. Sometimes guys that act the way you've described talk big out of spite, but rarely follow thru with being a daddy once they realize that it takes work.
You might be able to keep him out of your lives easier if you don't list him on the birth certificate...It's a less desirable option, but if he's really bad...
Good luck and congratulations.
2006-07-17 04:00:37 · answer #10 · answered by JordanB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, you don't have a choice any more. If he takes you to court for visitations, he will be required to pay child support and with that will be granted visitations. Even if you did file a report with that incident, it was with you and not the baby, which the court will then evaluate that fact that that incident doesn't make him a bad parent, just a bad significant other. Its sad, and so disappointing that he will most likely be granted the visits. Unless you can prove that he is a bad parent, then there are other options.
2006-07-17 03:58:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋