What should I do about my partner's ex's?

Question

I have been dating a guy in another city for the past year, I have moved to his town to be with him because he was unable to and didn't have the strength to move away from his family. He has dated everyone it seems and has quite the permiscuous background. He is not a slut by any means, he just says he was lonely. Anyway he wants to move to my city now the both of us, and he has one ex in particular that he keeps in contact with online that happens to live in my city. he says they quit dating because of the distance. I am worried that once we move there this ex will be calling him. They are still friends but this ex is still in love with him. What should I be feeling? is it wrong to be worried? he likes to be friends with everyone, but seems to not understand that just because he doesn't have feelings for these people, they still do. i dont like the idea of him hanging out with this ex. seeing as how they havent seen each other for years, but if he's living in the same town who knows

Answer 1

Hi
I hate to say it, but you really didn't say anything really positive about your boyfriend. His excuse for sleeping around , was because he was lonely ?? You mentioned he had his family, so how lonely could he be and if you are lonely , get a pet !! that is no excuse for being a ****. I think he is playing on your feelings.
Please don't move in with him.. you should live in separate places, because, ( and I hope it doesn't happen) he might start spending time with the ex-girlfriend. If she still likes him as you said, she will pursue him, and if something happens, he'll use the excuse that he is lonely... I think you should stand on your own two feet and find someone new and better. You didn't mention how old you were or him. But whatever the age, it's better to be alone then to be with someone who obviously doesn't respect your feelings enough to stop talking to this other girl & with no respect, theres no relationship. Good luck and be strong ...

Answer 2

They are not friends and no you are not wrong to be worried. She wants him back and I have a feeling that she is going to do what ever she needs to in order to get him back. If he wants to hang out with a woman that he knows still loves him, tell him he can be with her. You are not being unreasonable by asking him to sever ties with a woman he slept with, might still have feeling for (since they only broke up because of the distance), and who still wants him. It may mean that you lose him and if you want to chance that nothing happens between them in order to keep him around then don't do anything. But if you don't want to take that chance, then you need to let him know that this is not acceptable for you and that if he can't handle that then you have to let him go.

Good luck and I hope it all works out.

Answer 3

Nothing wrong with being a little suspicious or worried as you put it. But if your sure he is moving there to be with you then you shouldn't worry. But if you start getting the feeling that his ex may come back into the picture then don't hesitate mentioning something to him. If he ignores you then be suspicious but if he says don't worry that he is there for you and only you then things should be fine. Just don't give him a reason to go searching for his ex

Answer 4

Why would he want to move to your city now? In the beginning he did not have the strenght to, so you must wonder if the real reason is b/c of his ex. does he want to get back with her? You should be worried b/c I believe that there are still some feelings there.

Answer 5

Honey, there's a ton of red flags going on just in the description of your boyfriend alone. Now add in an ex-girlfriend? C'mon, you deserve better than this. But if your resolved to being with men who make excuses for keeping other women around?.........Your chiseling out an emotionally rough roller-coaster ride ahead of you. Buckle up.

Answer 6

You need to tell him that he needs to cut off the ties with his ex because you are uncomfrotable with it. If he chooses to still talk to her, then you need to probably need to just move on without him. There is some special chemistry between them obviously or he would not stil be talkng to her. It's men like that who would run back to thier ex if he ever got mad at you. Don't take the chance of getting your heart broken. Tell him to stop or else you'll leave.

Answer 7

You can't do anything about his past. But he can. If you mean that much to him, he will understand that you are not comfortable with his friendship with these former girlfriends, and he will break all ties. If he doesn't do that for you, then he doesn't care enough about you. You probably don't want to be in that kind of relationship where you care about the other person more than he cares about you.

Answer 8

Stop worrying about it either you trust him or you don't.It doesn't matter what they feel,only how he feels and how you feel.The constant stress you are putting on the relationship is bad.Just do your best to be you and happy and that will impress him more than jealousy.Trust me guys like a woman who is confident enough in herself not to worry.

Answer 9

First of all if you are having this problem then you shouldnt be living together. Move out do your own thing for awhile. Both of you move there, and he goes to her let him go.

Answer 10

Show him you trust him, but not her. But be careful. I had this happen to me...and he wound up playing both of us. If they are
truly 'just friends,' then he should have no problem inviting you to read their email communications and join them if they meet
up for lunch. If he refuses to let you meet her or talk to her....
red flags should go up and sirens go off!

I had another guy that actually took me around and introduced me to all of his 'girl friends' and it made everything cool. I totally trusted him.

"Remember: people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing!"