Needing good Christian advice...?

Question

I know divorce is a sin, but I can't stand my husband anymore. We have been married 3 years. We have a 2-1/2 year old daughter. My husband is not involved in our lives. He plays his video games all the time instead of interacting with us. He doesn't have any paitience for our toddler(yells at her over the smallest stuff), and sometimes even pushes her away. He blames me for everything bad that happens to him. He has even told me that I need to give up all my friends for him. I feel like his maid most days than his wife. He has even started yelling at some of my family when I'm not around. He has become rude and disrespectful. He was never like this when we were dating. I don't want to be around him anymore. And every time I try to tell him how I feel, he somehow manages to throw a big guilt trip on me for feeling the way I do. Please help me!

when I say he wants me to give up my friends, it means he wants me to give them up completely. It's been a few years since I've seen most of my friends because we moved. He just doesn't want me to have any friends at all.

Answer 1

seek professional guidance.. with your husband

his actions are classified as abusive... he needs to get help...

if he does not seek help.. or refuses it.. then you need to remove yourself and your children from that environment... verbal abuse can easily turn into physical abuse.

Answer 2

Flip side for me.

I've gotten over my video gaming while I need to be taking care of the kids. I'm not the best man around, but I've learned my priorities and am dependable. I've been married 25 years and now am assisting with my 1 year old grandson too. (Mine are 22,19,10,8)

I had an abusive father (depressed from having leukemia) so I've also taken the stand I'm NOT going to be that way. I recognize when my temper is flairing up and have enough sense to send the defensless to another room, crib or what ever applies. It will hurt them less to cry for no reason then to cry from my stupidity.

After awhile, I calm myself down and go through the needs list: Hungry, Tired, Soiled, Bored, etc. and figure out what needs to be done. I then play with them until either I am relieved of duty or they go to sleep. After ALL of my chores are done and if I have any energy left, then I do some fun things.

Ask him what kind of kids does he want them to grow up to be. Don't make any accusations of the example he is setting, but let him just think about it. If he is getting worse instead of accepting his responsibility and tolorating the situation as I did, I suspect there is something else going on with him. Nuf said.


Now for the rest of the story....

My wife is still a ***** and if I could afford it, I would get a divorce and let her hire all the private tutors and nanny's she thinks she needs to raise them the way she sees fit. I love her, but I can't stand her bitching. I have no ambitions of getting anyone else either.

This is one reason I recommend to the lonely, don't rush it, find something YOU like to do, then find others that like doing the same thing and there you will find someone compatible.

If you want to save this marrage, you will have to find the things that the both of you used to like to do. Find a trustworthy babysitter and do that thing once a week. Help him to love you again and confide in you what is really bugging him. It was my mistake to marry someone and pretend to become the person of her dreams instead of being myself all of the time. If that is the case for him, identify it now before you have more kids and responsibility.

I'm sorry to be so blunt but sometimes the Church tends to look the other way or just throw scripture at you. Neither will solve anything.

I hope you can learn something from my successes and from my failures.

Best wishes.

Answer 3

Divorce is not the sin remarriage is. I would first look at our marriage and see if there is anything I have been doing wrong. Many times I find in my own marriage that we argue more when I try to boss and lead. Do you ignore him? Do your care for the house? Do you blame him for everything in your life gone wrong too? I found that by changing myself I caused my husband to change. We had similar problems and a wonderful book called "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Martin was a big help. I truly believe it saved our marriage. You can't change him only yourself. There is sometimes the need after doing everything you can to excuse yourself from the situation. Such as when abuse is involved.

Peace Be With You,
Debra

Answer 4

#1 get rid of the video games and grow up
#2 talk to your pastor about the situation
#3 stop being his maid

It seems like he has an addicition to the video games and needs to live in the reality world for a while,
here are some symptoms and sites that may help you;

http://www.vifamily.ca/cft/media/media.htm
Parents and teachers often comment that "kids become absolutely wired"
when absorbed in video games. Now, there's a scientific study which
confirms that observation. In a study conducted at the Cyclotron Unit of
Hammersmith Hospital in London, Dr. Paul Grasby and his fellow researchers
determined that playing video games triggers the release of dopamine in the
brain.
The researchers discovered that dopamine production in the brain doubles
during video game play.
The increase of the psychoactive chemical was roughly the same as when a
person is injected with amphetamines or the attention-deficit disorder drug,
Ritalin. This is the first hard evidence that video game playing is
addictive, "the equivalent of a dose of speed."

From: http://www.computeraddiction.com/
Psychological Symptoms of computer addiction are:
Having a sense of well-being or euphoria while at the computer
Inability to stop the activity
Craving more and more time at the computer
Neglect of family and friends
Feeling empty, depressed, irritable when not at the computer
Lying to employers and family about activities
Problems with school or job

Another article about gaming addiction is at: http://pigseye.kennesaw.edu/~tbennet1/

Good luck and God bless you

Answer 5

Your husband needs deliverance from the devil. I suggest that you seek marriage counseling from a certified Christian councilor. Divorce should be the last resort. If you have a pastor, get counseling from him also. If you do not have a pastor, then find one that will be sympathetic to your situation. and as always, pray without ceasing. Be as forgiving and loving to him as possible. When he acts, do not overreact. I know that these situations can be difficult and it is easy for me to sit here and write all this stuff to you, but I do not know what else to tell you other than what I just have. Jesus loves you and he wants your marriage to succeed. I suspect that the video games are at the center of the outward problem. If he can let go of that demon, then he will have come a long way to being delivered. Do not hound him about it, though. It is a decision that he must come to himself.

Answer 6

Divorce is only accept if it is because of adultery
you married him for better and for worse try and get some canceling if you were to separate which sounds like you are pretty close it but not divorce he might see how much you really mean to him this situation you should get counseling on
he will always be apart of your life you have children together Pray God gives you peace ask God to give you direction and strength to make the right choice's through out your days don't listen to verbal abuse repay bad with good
I know with God's Help you can rise above this and God will help you if you ask him find a church get involved with a church start living your life out side of a personal hell get involved in some kind of support group he may not want you to but you have to do what is good for your soul and your child you can not save this man or can he save himself but you can pray for him and there is power in prayer and don't stop praying the devil may tell you praying don't do no good that's because it breaks his grip on your family and he doesn't want that constantly pray it doesn't have to be loud it can be in a whisper God will hear you. God Bless You Always.

Answer 7

Doesn't sound like you have any grounds a christian woman can use to get divorced. That said you should know that there is nothing making you live with him. You can move out away from the emotional abuse and have your own place. He will still be responsible for the support of your daughter. You would have to understand though you wouldn't be dating other people. You life would rotate around your home, your daughter, and your job. But you would be able to live in peace..

Answer 8

Ohhh, you poor thing. First, stop blaming yourself. Second, acknowledge that he might be having emotional problems, or he may have a chemical imbalance that you were previously not aware of. The other possibility, of course, is that things will only get worse because he's an abusive jerk.
The Bible does say that you're supposed to obey your husband. But it also says that your husband is supposed to be kind to you. He isn't holding up to his half of the agreement, from the sound of things.
Next time he starts in, pick up your daughter and leave. Go to a friend's house, or a family member. Don't say a word, just leave. After an hour or so, go ahead and call him. Steel yourself though, make your voice as cold as possible and just ask him, "Are you done?" If he starts yelling, hang up on him. If he doesn't yell, tell him very firmly something like this: "You had better NEVER speak to me like that again/treat our daughter like that ever again. You are not acting like the man I fell in love with at ALL, and this is unacceptable. Now listen to me. If you love me, and you love our daughter, we can work this out. We'll go to counseling, we'll pray together, we'll do whatever we have to do to make this work. But if you're not willing to hold to YOUR half of the agreement, I see no reason to hold to mine. Are we clear?" If he starts yelling, hang up on him. Wait another hour. Try again. The hour is to serve two purposes: 1) Make him cool off, blow off some steam without you there. That will get you and your daughter out of harm's way JUST IN CASE. 2) It'll show him your strength and resolve. 3) He just may realize what his behavior will cost him.
My husband has an anger problem too, and he did some things that toed the line on abuse. But I did that to him, and now he's just as sweet as can be most of the time. When he's not, all it usually takes to straighten him out is a LOOK.
I'm not saying it WILL work for you, but for men like that...sometimes you have to scare them by showing some backbone.
As others have said, try counseling. If he won't go, go without him.
Be strong. I'll pray for you.

Answer 9

Your husband is verbally abusive and even a slight bit physically abusive, if he is pushing a 2-1/2 year old around. God would not want you to stay in that type of relationship. If your husband is a believer as well, I suggest both of you talk with the head of your church. If he is not a believer, you should talk to the head of the church. And remember, God forgives all sins if we just ask. So if you feel you need to get out of this relationship do it, God will forgive you.

Answer 10

Maybe he does not know that he has "checked out" from his family. Do you have a church or a supportive group of friends to talk to? Does he have anyone that he trusts or talks to? If so, talk to that person see if they can help. I would try harder to resolve this situation and work things out. Find out your issues in this situation. Get help with your part. Remember your vows.....for better or for worse.....things dont always "get fixed' instantly.
Let your faith and vowed commitment carry you through these difficult times. We live in a" disposable" society. That mentality carries into relationships and marriages. Hang in there unless you or your daughter are in danger. Remember you do have a part in this on some level. Find it out ! Here is an oppurtunity to love your husband unconditionally. That can only be done with continued support in your faith. Build him up....remember that guy you married? Talk to him as if he is still that guy. Tell him he is that guy. Tell him alll of things he is and can be that you cannot see right now. Focus on all of the good and stay there. Give him time give yourself time. You may just win him over.
Its's working for me! Hang in there!
God bless!

Answer 11

First of all...It is not a sin to divorce him..the bible says if you divorce him it would be on grounds of him commiting adultery...and then it would be allowable to re-marry...if you divorce him for irreconcilable difference then ..in the word you are allowed to leave 1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. Then it is a matter between you and God whether it is allowable to re-marry

My question is when you were dating or at any time did your husband except christ into his life or was he supposed to be saved?..because it sounds like he is not surrendered to the Lord...those are hard situations because then ...you have to be the one in the marriage who has to be praying and strong in the Lord for him...

How old are you both?...because I know what it's like to be a gamer..one who's focus is on the next best game ..if he is older and a little maturehe will eventually slow down ..and focus on responsibility....Prayer and counseling should be done and sought with your pastor...

Finally ...Just so that you know according to the bible the mans role is to follow the example set by Jesus for marriage...OK so you sa ..Jesus was not married...and your right ..I don't even think about the foolishness of davinci...Buton the spiritual plain Jesus DOES have a bride right now....US we are the bride of Christ and what jesus did for us was lay down his life for his bride ...knowing that she was not a perfect woman..and needed deliverance..and all the bible says about us ...but He did anyway because he loved us...like wise you are the bride ..and he is(hubby) a type of Christ so he needs to fill his position..the fact that he may not have a relationship with Jesus means...How bad do you want this marriage to work??...if you want it to since you do have a child together..means you will have to stand in the gap for him...let God use you ..to be praying..seeking Him..for guidance..and it may be you will have to seek your pastor alone...but God is able to do the work...I know he can...don't give up...because God can and will see you through...God bless