What to do with his daughter?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married, and I'm sure he'll want his 6 year old daughter as our flower girl. She lives over an hour away and I'm not inviting her psychotic mother. In fact, we may hire security to keep her from crashing. Problem is, he doesn't have much family, so I don't know who we should ask to keep her during the day before the wedding, and take her after the reception. Her mother is unreliable, but I don't want to burden MY family with it and I'm certainly not schlepping her home (or even worse) keeping her on our wedding night!! Is it appropriate to ask one of his friends (who live in the same town as his daughter?)

Ok, for those of you who decided to critique and attack me, there are unique circumstances to this situation that you don't even know because I don't feel they are relevant to the question. You presume to know the big picture, but you're clearly missing the point of my question.

I am merely asking if it is appropriate to ask one of our friends to keep her... not asking for your opinion or judgment on the nature of everyone's relationship with each other (mine, his, his daughter and the ex-gf.) And FYI - yes, he does love his daughter very much, but we both agree this is our day. We're just looking to make sure it ends up that way.

Answer 1

Oh my-lanta... I can't even believe the bi+chiness... of these people answering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they want to talk about rude and cruel, they need to pick up a mirror!!!!

Anyway, to actually answer your question, instead of just being all holier-than-thou, I don't see a problem with asking a friend to keep her. I understand not wanting to ask your fam to drive her all the way home or keep her for the night, as they'll most likely be exhausted after the event and want to sleep in and veg the next day. (You may not want to ask anyone in the wedding party either for this same reason). But I think asking another friend would be ok, especially if they have kids too. (Or does she have any other family on her mom's side who would be more reliable to come get her?) Whoever you get to take her - just make sure they have the mom's address and phone numbers!! If she's as deadbeat as she sounds, she may just conveniently "not be around" just to try and ruin your wedding night and/or honeymoon!!

By the way, Congrats!!!!! : )

Answer 2

First of all I'm sorry that people are being so hostile to you about this. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and assume that you don't dislike the girl, you just dislike the idea of having to give anyone a ride home on your wedding night - well, that's fine. I don't think anyone should have to do that, it's your wedding night!!

I think that first of all it should be your fiance's final decision, because it is his daughter. But you have to think of it this way - having someone drive her home is just like having that person babysit her. It has to be someone very trusted. In fact, if you are worried about keeping her entertained during the party, you might just find out who her regular babysitter is and hire that person for the whole day. It will be worth the money to have her not be bored to tears during the reception - because it doesn't sound like she'll know all too many people.

I know that it can be at best an inconvenience when you are getting involved with someone who has kids but the more love and consideration you show her on your wedding day the happier you'll probably be in the future. Good luck!

Answer 3

The day of the wedding, u should have her with u and the rest of the bridesmaids, and as the night of the wedding goes, ask him what he wants to do, u don't need to have her on the wedding night, but what about having a family member on his side keep his daughter until the next day and then before u leave on the honeymoon give her a ride back to her house. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Wow, people on here are cruel. I did not take you to be an "evil stepmom" from reading your question. I understand what you mean and it's good you're thinking that far ahead. Asking one of his friends is a good idea, especially if the little girl knows him and he's willing to take her home. If not, then ask your family. This little girl will soon be a part of your family anyway, so it shouldn't be a burden. It's these little details that most people don't think about ahead of time that can cause lots of stress at the last minute.

Answer 5

Nice attitude! When you posted this question you opened yourself up to the possibility of getting some rude answers. We can only go by what you've written and I'm sorry to say you're not showing a very good side of yourself. You come across as selfish and cruel. To answer your question, it should be a member of your boyfriends family who takes care of the little girl but if it's going to be a hassle then don't include her. Think how she would feel about staying with strangers? I know that it's supposed to be your day but try and have a little compassion for your future stepdaughter. She's the only innocent one in this whole mess.

Answer 6

By all means, his daughter should be at the wedding. Being flower girl or not is not the issue but finding care for her that is. I guess if it were my wedding and I had same situation going on, I think I would postpone my wedding night to a few nights later or the following weekend as she sees everything and at that age will feel like she's important in yours as well, not just dad's. Remember she'll be your family too, and your daughter as well. I wish you luck on finding a solution.

Answer 7

OH MY GOD YOUR AN EVIL STEP MOTHER IF I EVER SAW ONE I WAS IN THE SAME SITUATION AND TRUST ME MY SON (MY HUSBANDS SON BY ANOTHER MARRIAGE) WAS IN THE WEDDING AND AND WENT HOME WITH MY MOTHER SHE WAS VERY HONORED TO KEEP HER NEW GRANDSON WHAT KIND OF FAMILY DO YOU HAVE AND HOW WHERE YOU RAISED AND IF YOUR MAN SEE NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU THEN HE NO MORE BETTER THEN THE GIRLS MOTHER YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ARE A BORN LOSER AND A CONTROL FREAK AND LET ME TELL YOU SCHLEPPING WAS A HORRIBLE WAY TO PUT THINGS IT SHOWS YOUR TRUE FEELING SEE WHEN YOU WERE WRITING YOU DID NOT REALIZE THAT YOUR TRUE FEELING CAME THROUGH AND THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE IS PICKING UP ON SO DONT GET MAD AT THE ANSWER YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED YOUR TUDE BEFORE YOU GET NASTY BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU LIKE IT IS TRUTH HURTS AND IT JUST SLAPPED YOU IN THE FACE I FEEL SO SORRY FOR THE LITTLE GIRL WHO'S NEW STEP-MONSTER CONSIDERS SCHLEPPING HER AROUND AS AN APPROPRIATE WORD YOUR CHOICE IN WORDS ARE JUST UNACCEPTABLE

Answer 8

well, not much family is more then no family at all. and im not here to bash you, but i dont like how you said you dont want to burden your family. this little girl will be their family after the wedding. the is no reason one of them cant take her for the night, especially if someone in your family have children maybe close to her age. as for asking one of his friends, you could, but are they going home that same night or getting a room closer to the wedding? do you really want her riding home with someone who may have been drinking? keeping her on your wedding night wouldnt be a disaster either. you have your entire lives together. whats one night with his daughter?

Answer 9

Your boyfriend is going to become part of the family. I do not see how it would be a burden on your family, to let this little girl spend a night or two, especially if they know the situation.
Just remember, your family is his family too, if you marry him. I understand you want everything to be perfect on the wedding day, but unless the girl is unable to sit still and is destructive, a family member probably wouldn't mind watchin' over her for a day.

Answer 10

Its a hard decision you have to make here. Could the child be returned home the night of the wedding, once the wedding is over? I would ask one of his friends if the child knows the friend. You don't want the child to be uncomfortable staying with someone she doesn't know or never stayed with before.

Good luck with your decision.