Is my father-in-law evil?

Question

I am 4 weeks pregnant and have only told my parents and my brand new in-laws (married 2 ays ago). I told them the news before the wedding but said it was to be kept secret until I feel comfortable telling people and until we know the baby is OK.
At our wedding reception the father in law told everybody in the room the news.
I was horrified to find out he blabbed the news so I cornered him and said 'How F*ing dare you!'.
He stormed out of the reception. Now the rest of my new husbands family hate me too for being rude to him - they never want to see me again.
I feel sad because I hoped I could trust him, he spoiled my wedding, and now all my in laws hate me.
In the past he has made a lot of fun of my weight in public too.
My husband is loving and sad for me too but says he can't choose between his wife and his family.
Any advice out there?
I am newly married and pregnant and so so sad...

Answer 1

It seems like there was a build up to this incident... you mention he has humiliated you in public previously about your weight, and like your weight, pregnancy is also a personal issue.

What a shame he couldn't hold his tongue on this occaision. You need to ask your hubby to mediate a conversation where you both apologise for this but also discuss the underlying, ongoing issues.

Answer 2

I am really sorry that you feel this way, but you have to think on the bright side. If they don't want to see you then they cannot see their new born grandchild. From what I read the soon to be grandfather was probably just really proud and excited that he was going to be a grandpappy. He couldn't keep in all of the excitment and so on a special occasion, when everybody was around to hear it, he said it.
He is a guy, so he probably doesn't realize that he did something wrong. You should calmly tell him that you are disappointed that he did such a thing without discussing it with the soon-to-be parents. You have to forgive him otherwise it is going to be very difficult for you. Your new husband can't choose between you or his parents. Would you choose him or your parents?
Just relax, forgive him and get on with your life. It will get better and remember: your marriage is young, so treat it with care. You and your husband have to hang on there. It is going to be a bit bumpy, but soon you both will see a clear road.
Good luck and may your child be born healthy, with all ten fingers and toes.

Answer 3

First off, when your husband married you, he chose you over his family. That's the deal.

Secondly, your FIL was wrong, but it didn't ruin your wedding any more than your outburst did.

Families are difficult. You should apologize for being rude. I know you don't want to and don't feel that you were wrong, but he is older than you and you need to show him respect as an elder.

I have been in a similar situation with my husband's family and for years regretted that my actions hurt my husband's relationship with his father.

Another thing to remember is that time softens edges. You may not be ready to forgive and forget, but keep your heart open to it. When his temper cools down as well, (since I'm sure you made him angry and embarrassed) he may even ask for forgiveness. If he does, don't deny him that.

As far as making fun of your weight goes, it is very insensitive, but my husband is the type that only picks on you if he really likes you. So, I guess you could feel glad that he cares enough to tease?


If you want to avoid a conversation with him until this is straightened out, I would suggest sending him a letter and apologizing that way. It'll be hard for you, but you will feel better and you will know in the back of your mind that you are the bigger person in this case because you made the first move.

Good luck!

Answer 4

The day he married you he chose you over his family. That is what marriage is. To go from your family you are raised with to a new family; your own. But sitting down with the father-in-law (the four of you) and giving him an oportunity to apologize. And the family will have an opportunity to heal- the family will fall in line. If the father-in-law can accept what he did wrong I am sure everyone can break bread by the next wedding. Don't forget to apologize for your actions, too. You might want to get the ball rolling with yours. If he doesn't appologize then your husband needs to see that it is his new family that needs the support.

Answer 5

You have a right to be sad as you trusted someone who didn't keep your trust. The only person whose behavior you can control is yours. I must say that what you said to your father-in-law was not what I'd consider lady-like and certainly was designed to escalate rather than calm any differences you might have. Controlling you anger will go a long way toward a calmer future. Once a word is out of your mouth, you no longer have control of it so make certain of two things: First, what goes out. Second, to whom it goes.
Having said all that, my advice is to lay low, love your husband, do what is necessary to have a healthy baby, and raise him as a loving, responsible, respectful child. Your in-laws either will or won't reconcile with you. That's up to you and them. You'll be making a sad mistake if you ask your husband to choose.

Answer 6

it seems like you are in a pickle. It was understandable that you were angry, but the Bible says be angry but sin not, and it also says don't let the sun go down on your anger meaning you should not remain angry even not being angry by the time it is dark. Any how, what is done is done. I would suggest something radical. First pray of course, then throw an apology party for your new relatives and reconcile with an apology in front of all of the people; it has to be a long or medium sized apology; get your husband to help. Make it sound irresistable on the invitations, such as having fine catered food, door prizes, games, fun, and an apology!

Answer 7

I'm sorry for you and the situation but you are the only one responsible for the whole mess. You should have known that news of a pregnancy can't be contained especially by parents. He was probably so excited that he couldn't help himself. Then you made the situation worse by being rude to him. Think back to your wedding day after he "blabbed the news"? Was everyone happy for you? If so then he didn't ruin your wedding day, you did by your behavior. I don't blame him for storming out. You probably embarrased him. I think you have a lot of apologizing to do.

Answer 8

First you shouldn't had been rude with him. That wasn't going to solve anything. By you doing that, he is going to be really angry with you. You should had talk to him calmly. If you want the family relationship to work out.
Then you and your hubby has to make it both work. Ya'll need to talk to the family together. Let his father know, you didn't like him blabbing to everyone about it. That you are sorry, for being so rude to him.
If you and him don't talk it out. Not only it would affect your husband. But your child as well. Being around his family, and hearing them say bad things about you. Then you say bad things about them.

Answer 9

Your father in law is not evil. Do you know for sure that he told people out of spit or maybe he told them out of pride. Either way if you didn't want it known you were pregnant than you shouldn't have told anyone.

Answer 10

HE AS NO RIGHTS TELLIN ANY1 ITS UP 2 U AND UR HUBBY 2 DO THAT SO UR WELL WITHIN UR RIGHTS 2 B PEED OFF..ESPECIALLY WEN U SAID U WANTED 2 KEEP IT HUSH 4 A WHILE.. E SOUNDS AN INTERFERIN OLD SO AND SO..