Why aren't parents teaching their children not be bullies?

Question

I teach my children to treat others with respect. But there are so many bad eggs in school. I also taught my children that it isn't ok for another kid to lay their hands on them and they have the right to defend theirselves.

Answer 1

I have often pondered upon the same question my self and have come to several possible reasons. I believe that many parents have not fully understood the meaning for parenthood. For many this is a position assumed early in life (usually at a time that they themselves are developing into young adults). Another reason is that the parents of the 21st century no longer discipline there children therefore allowing them to follow a course that later on in life they could bitterly regret. Others simply have no time to deal with theses "petty" problems. Nevertheless, it looks like there are still some parents, such as yourself, who are truly concerned about the proper upbringing of the new generation!

Answer 2

When a child is being a bully it can and probably does stem from something deeper than what they are being conciously taught at home. I'm living the perfect example. I have three sons, my eldest is overly aggressive and certainly lacking social graces-in other words my son is the bully. I am not teaching it too him nor am I am encouraging it but right now he has a lot on his plate because his father (my ex) and I are not even in the same book let alone on the same page as to how to parent children. My son at the moment is having some tremendously conflicting issues on how to handle things. Not too mention his father bullies him about. The sad part is even tho his father only sees him 3 days a month what his father does is more hindering than what he learns at home. This is proven through my other 2 sons. My middle one works hard at school, is tremendously passive, can resolve matters by discussing them, and is quite socially active. My youngest son is only fights when he has too. I can say this honestly because I have received a couple of reports from school of 5th graders picking on him and him ending it, but mind you if he was a bully he would pick on someone smaller and he's 7 1/2 and is the size of a 5 yr old child. He is also very socially active in all the appriate ways.
Also, last but not least, there are two major sentences in my house:
1) Manners are of the utmost importance.
2) Respect others how you would like to be respected.

Finally, I DO NOT encourage my children to be bullies, disapline is not shown in any physical form nor in any verbal form, the issues are discussed and handled accordingly. Priviliges lost is usually the best one. So it just goes to show you that even when a parent is putting up a good fight to raise a child properly in the end it is the child's decision.

Also, even tho this dissorders are overly diagnosed, ADD and ADHD do play a factor in some kids. The problem is since it is so over diagnosed some parents don't believe in it or have a hard time believing their child could have it and are reluctant to handle it accordingly.

Answer 3

The reason you have a lot of bullies is because parents aren't taking raising their child seriously. They let them get away with murder at home, so it's no surprise that a child won't respect any one else if they don't even respect their own parents. Let's bring back spanking and tough punishment, not the "I'm going to count to 3 and you better stop" b.s.

Answer 4

I was not taught to defend myself and ended up being bullied as a result so cannot recommend that as a course of action. I was raised to respect other people and was amazed when I discovered at school that some people apparently raise their kids to be violent little shits ! However this unfortunately a fact of life and you are right to be considering how best to prepare your child against it. From my viewpoint, given what happened to me, I will be telling my children to stand up to the bullies but to do so in a non violent way, otherwise they would be no better than the person doing the bullying. Quite how they should go about this is something I have not worked out yet. But I suspect that simply standing up to someone verbally may often be enough. Or maybe I am just naive.

Answer 5

This is 2006, there isn't the same sense of family, community, or respect, at least not the way a lot of us grew up. Parents ( sadly ) aren't teaching their kids, they're letting their kids see how they act at home and take that to school. No one is teaching them how not to act. You can have a handful of mindful kids at school but what good is it when you have twice as many disrespectful kids acting like their parents? And, a lot of parents are scared to discipline their kids because of services like SCAN and Child Protective Service, sad but true. At this point, all we can do is pray and hope your child knows the difference between defending themselves and beating up on people.

Answer 6

Most parents are not teaching their children to be a bully. It is more of a result to their absence or their lack of attention. It can also be a fruit of the child's tendency to immitate his/her parents.

The proper solution other than guidance would be understanding them and then letting them know that what they are doing is wrong. Ask them to be in the other's shoes and try to feel how it iis to be bullied.

Answer 7

I'm sure your kids have the right to defend themselves, but they also need to know how to protect themselves. You never know what the bullies will do. It's a shame that some parents never raise their kids properly. I guess it's because these parents are bullies themselves. If they are not, they are jerks.

Answer 8

Because the children learn from their parents. I've seen a woman at a movie theatre once with her 5 year old child. She was setting an extremely bad example for the child. She shouted for people who sat in front of her to move so that she can put her legs up and she was loud and obnoxious during the movie. Of course... the daughter followed and also put her legs up.

Answer 9

It's a direct result of parenting...or lack of. I also have told my children to defend themselves if need be. The past two generation's kids are being raised by kids. It is a losing battle.

Answer 10

Bullies in the making I see.

Bully excuse number one: "I was only defending myself."
It is character not teaching that make a bully a great bully. Your kids could be very nice. Probably are but you teaching them wrong from right does not prevent them from being total horrors at school.

I often seen angels at home turn into monsters on the playground. This is not so clear cut as you state.