My ex husband was abusively horrible to me. For years I felt like I hated him. I prayed that God help me to forgive him and I have SAID that I forgive him....but how can I know if I have? I no longer wish bad things to happen to him but is this really forgiveness?
2006-07-16 17:49:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
When you can cry for him... Not out of anger or hurt but out of love. (do you know what I mean?..) its a feeling that cannot be described but only felt. There will be situations in your life where you will experience this feeling and you will know that you have truly forgiven him...You'll see.. God bless you.. you are a good person :)
2006-07-16 18:39:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tricky thing, and something many christians even confuse. Forgivness just means that you don't activily hold a grudge against somebody. It does NOT mean that you have to forget what they did, and or let them back into your life. You can forgive somebody, but have nothing to do with them. Nowhere does it say we have to continually be "fooled".
You know by your heart. If your questioning, maybe you haven't. Thats not really bad, its normal. If you want to truly forgive him, and believe that God can help you, then give it up to him. But you have to fully give it to him. You can't continue to hold onto it. Its hard, but you've already taken the first step by leaving him. The rest, though it could take a while, will be easy. God understands we are only human (he created us after all) so he knows that we have trouble letting go. But sometimes as my mother would say "You need to Live and let God."
I wish you luck on your journey. I won't lie and say it will be easy. But when times get tough, look at where you've come from, not the road still ahead of you.
2006-07-17 00:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by evil_kandykid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look I was in an abusive marriage for 3 years and When I was in therapy I learned that when I was truly over him and forgive him. Was when I had NO feelings at all. A lot of people don't know this but when you feel anger, love any type of emotion good or bad it means that you are not truly forgiving what has been done to you. When you can say I feel nothing for him/her that is when you know you are over them. Because it means that you are not focused on them and what you feel about them. Please if you haven't gotten counseling seek it out believe me it works. There are many women's groups out there. And remember you are a good person and you deserve to be happy. god bless
2006-07-17 00:59:17 · answer #3 · answered by trouble comes a knockin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie the emotions that you have been dealing with are all part of the process. I think it is important to go through all the feelings of hurt, pain, even hatred toward the one that has hurt us , if you don't experience these feelings, that means you have bottled them all up, and that is not a good thing to do with these strong feelings. Remember that we can forgive, but we cannot forget, but God will help us to move forward, and one day you will know that yes, you truly have forgiven this person. God bless, and have a great life!! LOL
2006-07-17 00:58:29 · answer #4 · answered by tictak kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I believe it is when you can look him in the eye and not rememebr anything negative that had happened between you in the event of which you are forgiving him.
When you no longer feel hate or worry, it means that you are very close to completely forgiving him.
Just wishing that bad things won't happen to him isn't really a sign of forgiveness, it's more that you are a very nice person and you can't go through your morals to wish anything bad upon him.
Hope this helps ^^
2006-07-17 00:57:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One way you can tell if you have truly forgiven him on the deepest level is if you hear about something good happening to him, like he found a new wife and they are having a great time together, and you are happy for him.
That's pretty hard to do, but with God all things are possible. Sometimes it takes a long time for that to come to pass however.
2006-07-17 00:59:53 · answer #6 · answered by Martin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take some time...every day you will think about it less. The day you wake up and feel no animousity toward him, no bitter feelings and actually start to realize that his life is lacking in the mental department and what he needs is prayer and possibly help from a professional then you will have forgave him. Not always do you see people receiving the bad they did to others, but always know that it will come back around. And if you have already truly forgave him, then you will hurt knowing that even though he hurt you, he will get hurt 3 times worse and even though YOU didn't deserve it, it is not OUR job to judge who gets treated certain ways in this world.
2006-07-17 00:59:13 · answer #7 · answered by PerfeclyImperfect 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness takes time for us. G-D's forgiveness is instant and He forgets it. We don't forget so it takes us time. The best way to forgive is to pray for G-D's blessing in that persons life everyday. Its hard becuase its against our nature to do so. But it will help you to come to forgiveness. G-D Bless and I hope your in a better relationship. No one should ever be abused anyone in that situation should leave and get help.
2006-07-17 00:56:59 · answer #8 · answered by David 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness in this case shouldn't be that important I think it is he who has to forgive himself. You however I think you did. Just move on and continue to survive this horrible ordeal. I was able to forgive the men who abused me but I have not forgotten, but I moved on. I Know its hard to forgive someone who may have never been remorseful in the first place.
2006-07-17 01:00:55 · answer #9 · answered by loreerocks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ahhh, read anything by cory tenbloom if you can.
She speaks of forgiving the germans that raped and killed her sister while she watched.
But she didnt learn what true forgiveness was until she was actually face to face with her sisters killer years later. He openly asked her to forgive him and she realized that she had not really forgiven him, and knew she had to go back to god and ask for courage to forgive this man.
Forgiveness is not about putting yourself back into the situation that you were in when the bad things happened, its knowing that when you see the person, you feel in your heart no bad thoughts toward them, and actually feel agape Love, which is love for your fellow man.
When I see my tormentor face to face, I feel sorrow for him, for he refuses to believe that he can be forgiven by GOD. He has never acknowledged verbally to me that he is sorry, but I do not need that anymore. But, I hope that in my heart is open forgiveness if he ever does ask forgiveness before his death.
2006-07-17 00:57:35 · answer #10 · answered by cindy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋