How do I politely request formal attire of my guests at my wedding?

Question

My family on my mother's side is... cough cough.... alittle informal in their clothing most of the time. They are a large farming family, and dressed up usually means nic-er suspenders and a not-as-crazy plaid shirt. I want to make sure they are dressed appropraitely (formally) for my wedding, honestly for their sake as much as mine. How do I politely request this in the invitation. I don't want to make it more obvious than normal, since the other side of my family, as well as my fiancee's family, are very well dressed, and will surely dress appropraitely. Is this something that I should even worry about? I am going to be the first grandchild on that side getting married, so I want to assume they will dress formally, but I cannot be sure.

THANKS to everyone who is telling me about my family and what they can afford. Remember, they are MY family and believe it or not I do know them well. I am not looking for suggestions as to how to be ok with them not dressing appropraitely.

By the way, if you don't have helpful advise for me, please do not answer.

Answer 1

It depends on what you want - some people suggested putting black tie on the invites but there are 2 problems with that. One is, do you really want a black tie wedding? It sounds like you don't necessarily want black tie, you just don't want casual. Are you thinking - men in dress shirts, shirt and tie, suit or tuxedo? Because anything less than tuxedo or black suit is not considered black tie. The other problem is, are you sure your family would know what black tie means? That sounds condescending but I'm sure half of my well-dressed family wouldn't be sure.

If you just want them to wear not-plaid and not-jeans, I would ask your parents to get involved and spread the word. Tell them to just pass it along that khakis and a button up not-flannel shirt would be appropriate.

Just to put in my two cents...I understand why you would be apprehensive about this. In the end it's not something you should worry too much about, since no matter what you or your parents say there will always be a chance that these people just plain don't want to wear somethign different. At the same time at my cousin's wedding...the groom's family showed up in jeans and t-shirts while the rest of us were looking pretty semi-formal. It was a little awkward and I actually think it made them feel more uncomfortable than the groom. So I would say worry about it just enough to talk to your parents, and then try your hardest to let it go and concentrate on all the happier aspects of your day. Good luck!

Answer 2

Formal Attire Requested

Answer 3

Please! You are all missing the point badly, I might add! When you say "black tie" it means tuxedoes for the men and long formals for the women. This is NOT, I'm sure what you meant.

Since it is an isolated group of people, not the majority, I would advise you strongly on NOT writing anything to this effect on the invitations!! You'd be sending the WRONG message to the WRONG people!!

If it really is going to cause you problems, have your Mom speak to her family and let them know that you'd like them to wear suits and dresses and leave it at that. You should not be fretting about what your guests may show up in, you have way too much other things to jam your mind with!!

Answer 4

Put it in the invitations. Something like formal attire required, or black tie required (be sure to include "required"). Ours was informal, so we worded our invitation like this: help us celebrate our joy in an informal, outdoor wedding ceremony.
And don't listen to some of the idiots on here. It's your day and if you're doing a formal wedding, people should know what to expect. Just include it on all of the invitations, not just your family's. You'd be surprised how many people really don't know what to wear to wedddings.

Answer 5

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
How do I politely request formal attire of my guests at my wedding?
My family on my mother's side is... cough cough.... alittle informal in their clothing most of the time. They are a large farming family, and dressed up usually means nic-er suspenders and a not-as-crazy plaid shirt. I want to make sure they are dressed appropraitely (formally) for my...

Answer 6

Make a clear mention of it on your wedding invitation. Speak to your mother and have her politely ask these relatives if they saw the dress requirement on the invitation. She could also play innocent and say something like, "Do you have any suggestions where I can buy something formal for the wedding? It says on the invitation Formal Attire Requested".

Answer 7

That can always be put on the wedding invite itself "formal attire requested" - there is nothing wrong with asking. You can always put in a separate note saying that the reception hall has requested shirt and tie.

Answer 8

It's really simple. On the invitation, you put "Black Tie Optional" along with/after the reception information. If they are not savvy enough to know what that means, it will usually trigger questions about the dress code, and they'll ask your mother or the maid of honor about it. However, most people know what that phrase means - it's short, polite and a simple way of saying, "I'd prefer you dress up because this wedding will not be casual".

Answer 9

I'm kind of in the same boat as you are, my fiance's family isn't as ummm dressy as mine :) And I raised this question with my mom and sisters and this is some of the things we came up with. At first we agreed to say "Black Tie" but then I don't necessarily want everyone to think they have to wear tux's I just don't want them to show up in jeans. But most of the etiquette things I read was to stick to word of mouth. Sit down with your parents, his parents and the two of you and let everyone know your thoughts and that the last thing you want to do is make anyone upset but you want everyone to know that it's a dress up event. Then you did what is asked of you....your family should take it from there. You should all agree on how it should be said so that no one gets angry and I bet you would be surprised if put the right way that people won't be offended...good luck!!

Answer 10

I'd probably put it in small letters at the bottom of the invitation,

"Formal dress suggested."

This lets them know there will be other people dressed formally there, so if they don't want to look too out of place they should join in.

Course, those folks you mentioned don't sound too much like they care about fitting in..... lol....

I suppose you could also mention your concern to your mother and maybe she can sweet-talk some of her relatives :)