I am wondering if I am in love with a man that I used to work with. When we worked together, we spent all day together, including lunches. Then he left for another career and we are still in contact. He is a very handsome, intelligent man and is like the cool kid in class, everyone likes him. We went out last night (not a date, just out) and I think it finally dawned on me that I am in love with him. Here is the problem...he is very attractive and I am not. I am overweight and not the prettiest girl out there. We have a lot in common, I just dont think that I am his type. Has anyone out there ever fallen in love with someone who is not their "type"? I am dieting and exercising trying to lose weight for my health and wellness. (Have been for awhile) I just am crazy about this man and dont know what to do. He is all I can think about.
2006-07-16 16:04:38 · 19 answers · asked by amoroushotmama 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Forgive my bluntness now ok?
Just because you are heavy does not mean that this man cannot love you or even have fond feelings for you. Your size may be part of what he may be attracted to about you.... you probably never thought about that one right?
Anyway, if you love him and you both keep in contact, you need to discuss this with him. Otherwise, you will continue to make it hard on yourself.
Perhaps he has the same fear and is in love with but affraid that you wouldnt love him in return.
May I suggest something... well of course I can...
Over dinner and a drink, bring up the subject of relations with other people and see what he likes in a woman and vice versa for you. You may see in his answers that he just described you and you him, then perhaps opening the door for more or at least a clue as to whether or not he wishes to keep it just friends between you or not.
From experience as a woman who used to be large and in charge, men are more attracted to a woman who is intelligent and beautifull inside than they are the women who are superficial and high maintenence. Even after my weight loss men still found me attractive but I found that I had more fun when I was big because I could be myself and not put on a face for anyone else. I was wanted the way I was for a reason and even now i have a wonderfull man who loves me either way, thick or thin.
Good luck...
2006-07-16 16:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are putting too much emphasis on your size which means you need to know you are lovable and don't need to be a size 4 for "a very handsome and intelligent" man to be attracted to you. If he did fall head over heels in love with you, do you think you will be a size 4 when you're older? Women traditionally get more beautiful but also more ample in size! Also, if you are healthy you don't need to "fix" anything about your size. You can find charming clothing in your size and get a new hair style you feel good in. Practice good self esteem habits and never put yourself down for any reason, not even a MAN. Not one is worth it! Smile with your heart and listen, listen, listen, to him, and he'll be overwhelmed with your charm. Also, don't always be available for him because he will start demanding your never ending time. He'll love you more for not being so available. And find a hobby so you don't think about him all the time. You will be more charming with an interest other than him. And read the newspaper. If he's as intelligent as you say, he'll be impressed with your knowledge of current news stories. So go read, get a hair appointment, go shopping, and find a new hobby! Even after he's entranced with you, you could decide he's not as fabulous as you thought he was after you date him. He may not be! Or you could be planning your Cinderella wedding!
2006-07-16 16:33:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be trying to lose weight just because of this man first and foremost because if he likes you he will be with you either way.. if he is the one who asked you out then that's a good sign of him really liking you.. if you have recently broken up with someone though you might just be thinking that you like/love him and really it's just that you need that security ,, but time will tell give it a chance see how he acts towards you and if he calls and if he continus to ask you out .. but yes it is possible to love someone that doesnt love you.. (yet)...lol
2006-07-16 16:15:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have spent a lot of time together and have a lot in common than your physical appearence shouldn't be a problem to this guy. Start a casual conversation with him about his thoughts on dating and see what happens from there.
2006-07-16 16:10:19 · answer #4 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you in love with his image, the way he is and all. He sounds like a great guy, the ideal guy that every girl wants. Why don't you let him know that you have some feelings for him? If you say his intelligent, your image shouldn't matter to him. Give it a try.
2006-07-16 16:12:28 · answer #5 · answered by Drivliam 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really care for him and you value his friendship, I would say that you need to be honest with him and tell him your true feelings. If he really cares for you as a friend, he will be honest with you also. Friendships can develop into romantic relationships. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder......and remember that beaty is only skin deep. Continue to exercise and diet for your self ..... not for anyone else! Have faith in yourself and love yourself first and put yourself in God's hands.
2006-07-16 16:11:48 · answer #6 · answered by Bluewillow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes u can if u reli love him.. no guarantee he wont love u back.. but at least he wont make fun of you and will treat you rite.. if he confronts you or if u have any chance to tell him, look into his eys and just tell him ur feelings.. he will understand and u will feel good abt it..
But dont expect too much from him as he is not ur type.. the key is just let him know and who knows? may be he likes u too..
2006-07-16 16:10:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you put yourself down like that. You never know he may just feel the same way about you. Looks should never matter because your real beauty will be from the heart. Tell him how you feel and run with it...Good Luck
2006-07-16 16:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by Texas_at_its_best 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the short run you could be in love with him Hence the saying love is blind, but he could be just taking advantage of you.In the long run you willrealize it and probably end the relationship. If you shine in is heart he will let you know it if he is just using you move on.
2006-07-16 16:11:11 · answer #9 · answered by stratisnj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't rush things let it fall in place on it on time and place.And it will be a lot better than wanting something that you can't have the right way.
2006-07-16 16:12:38 · answer #10 · answered by Happy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋