This is embarassing, but I turn 21 in under a month. I've never been with a girl, in the least. First kiss? Not yet. Date? Nope. Hold hands? Nope. Sex? Obviously not. I remember when I was like 13 I thought would be doing most of things (besides sex) within the next few years, but obviously I couldn't have been more wrong.
I'm a likable guy (many describe me as "nice").... but I'm a big introvert, and that can't help. I don't drink or smoke, and am not a partier in the least..... that probably makes me not-so-compatable with 90% of the ppl in college. I'm not in the best of shape (5'8 / 200) and thats another strike against me.
Anyone have any advice?
2006-07-16 15:59:36 · 25 answers · asked by espn79 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Don't worry about being in a hurry. First you need to develop some relationships with a few girls.
Don't be shy about talking to a girl and none of that cheesy line stuff either. Find something to talk about or compliment something about her (You have beautiful hair, I like that ring, shirt, hat, your smile). If she is interested she will keep talking and you can ask for her number. If she says no then so what? Maybe she has a boyfriend or has some issues going on that you don't know about. A "no" does not necessarily reflect on you and you should not take it that way.
Since you say you are an introvert you might have to start practicing instigating conversations with non-threatening targets. Start taking opportunities to compliment people. Try it with store clerks and stuff. Don't be weird and do it with everyone you see, but the more you do it, the more comfortable you will become. It will make it easier to approach a hottie and tell her she has cool nail polish.
Once you get your foot in the door, just be yourself. Things will develop or they won't. Keep in mind that a lot of girls have self-esteem issues that cause them to feel uncomfortable in a relationship with a nice guy and you may be told that you are too nice. This does not mean you should be a jerk. This means that you should keep going. One day you will find a girl that will appreciate you.
You also need to decide what you think is acceptable. By this I mean do you want a girl that does not drink, smoke or party or are you okay with some of that? I wouldn't worry too much about being out of shape. Most of America is.
2006-07-16 16:34:45 · answer #1 · answered by oushiyasha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is embarassing, but I turn 21 in under a month. I've never been with a girl, in the least. First kiss? Not yet. Date? Nope. Hold hands? Nope. Sex? Obviously not. I remember when I was like 13 I thought would be doing most of things (besides sex) within the next few years, but obviously I couldn't have been more wrong.
I'm a likable guy (many describe me as "nice").... but I'm a big introvert, and that can't help. I don't drink or smoke, and am not a partier in the least..... that probably makes me not-so-compatable with 90% of the ppl in college. I'm not in the best of shape (5'8 / 200) and thats another strike against me.
Anyone have any advice?
2006-07-16 23:01:34 · answer #2 · answered by texas0413 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, here's the scoop. Getting some action with girls requires some skill, just like attaining anything else in life. In order to be successful you have to develop certain skills like confidence, a sense of what is cool and what is not, learning to read her nonverbal signals, and understanding what is appropriate and tasteful in various situations. If this sounds complicated, then you are perceptive because it is very complicated. How do you learn these things? It's nice to have a mentor, especially a father, who can school you on these things. If you don't have this you should try to make friends with some "cool" people who you can pick up these skills from and they may actually want to help you out and be like a mentor. That is a lot of the kind of thing that goes on in fraternities. If you hang out with nerds who can't get laid you will have a very hard time getting laid.
Also, believe it or not, there have been thousands of books written that go very in depth into this subject. Some of them are rip off "how to pick up chicks" books, but others are more legitimate resources for understanding nonverbal communication, self-image, confidence, and real scientific data about what causes arousal and attraction (usually by real psychologists). This is a life long persuit that you will never stop learning about and can always become more skilled at.
Some general tips: start out not aiming too high. Don't go for the head cheerleader. There are girls out there that feel the same as you that they are not very good at getting dates. This is a good place to start getting experience. Also try to make some friends that are experienced at dating and not too nerdy. Be mindful of hygiene and try very hard not to seem desperate or sex-starved when talking to girls. But be very clear right away that your intentions are to pursue a romantic relationship. Don't beat around the bush or act like you just want to be friends or study partners. They will take you more seriously as a possible love interest if you do this.
Well, I hope this info can get you on the right track. Good luck.
2006-07-16 23:16:31 · answer #3 · answered by martin h 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to gain some confidence, thats the key. If most people know you havent been with anyone before they will be put off, so act like you have been with tons of girls, talk about 'your ex' highschool girlfriend, a few white lies wont hurt. Hang out with some fun people, socialize a bit more, dont go overboard but get out there. Get your eye on someone that you like and ask her out, when its time for the first kiss, lean in (first move, looks like ur experienced) and go slow, follow her lead and kiss her how she kisses you. Everything else will come with this, same with sex just follow her lead.
Good luck!
2006-07-17 00:02:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will be heading to college in a year and will be in a similar boat... i dont drink or smoke and i am not much of a partier... but I have had a boyfriend and the most i have done is kiss (and it was just a peck....) So you know i would say be yourself and all and try and finda girl similar to you I would have to tell you that i find you intriguing.... and also if i was a few years older i would date you! HOPE that helps some. Also dont be embarrassed.
2006-07-16 23:10:12 · answer #5 · answered by bookwormforever16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loose the weight, get interested in something, find new interests....I is far from being too late but you need to start takeing better care of yourself...That will instill a more positive attitude and you will soon become a babe magnet...seriously. Love comes from the inside...when you love your self, and are at peace with yourself you will find THAT is an attractive force.
There is nothing you have said which sounds positive about yourself.....that would be a beginning and you will be surprised! When you take an active interest in self betterment you will start to attract others to you...
Try it...what do you have to loose...besides a little weight!!!
2006-07-16 23:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by Capt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should start working out, trust me from experience, bettering your body is a big confidence boost which brings me to my next piece of advice. be more confident, wake up, look in the mirror, and tell yourself everyday that your the sh!t and that any girl who wouldn't date you must be out of her mind. say that and mean it. most girls don't like guys who smoke anyway so don't worry about that. cigarettes stink. you should try and go to at least a few parties just for a while and try to meet some new girls. Don't worry if they turn you down. why? because your the sh!t ! and besides your just using them for practice until you find your real dream girl. when you find her. romance her, tell her you were waiting for the right person and that she's it, she'll like that. you'll be a little nervous at first but with practice you'll be great! good luck, and remember your the sh!t !
2006-07-16 23:07:45 · answer #7 · answered by Q the genius 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well don't fret yet! I always liked chubby guys, and alot of girls do. Dress nice, a girl loves a man who wears nice clothes, and smells really good. Ever tried "Cool Water?" My husband wears it and it drives me crazy! You need to put yourself out there so people see you. I always liked a man, who didn't act desperate. I wanted a man I had to work a little to get. Just be like " ya I wouldn't mind being with you, but if I can't no sweat off my back." If you sit in the corner all quiet, no one will know your there, or even care to look. So "make a little noise."
2006-07-16 23:05:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Play a TEAM sport. Get to know people. Stop being stupid jsut because you don't drink doesn't mean you can't have a good time at a party. Be open to new things, don't be afriad to try something new.
2006-07-16 23:01:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of those reasons you listed may be why you're not getting laid...but look at it this way...
There are millions of girls in the world...and the only one that will matter...is the one you find that will like you for you!
really!
If you're not happy then change something for yourself...but don't do it for anyone else.
2006-07-16 23:06:44 · answer #10 · answered by babiblond_xx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋