Mothers - What have you done when a family member has asked you to love them more than another family member?

Question

Please write down your personal stories of how you have practically dealt with this issue? Did you seek balance? Did you love one and exclude another? Did you refuse to stop loving both? Be honest. Have you cut off friends and family because your husband or child has asked you to stop communicating with someone? Was it eventually "for the best" as you hoped?

Answer 1

A question of this nature is one from someone who's trying to control you and is very dysfunctional and possibly an abused person him/herself. Only one who has learned unhealthy self esteem from a close relative would do that. You obviously know it's not healthy for one to try to control another or you wouldn't be asking this question. Go by your gut and tell him/her you must make your own decisions and will do as you decide. Tell the person the reason for your decision when you do decide. Think about it before you decide your reasons. But I think you need to ask the person how you can help him/her, as he/she is crying out~!. I personally don't have this kind of family--my family has always loved each other and there was no blackmailing going on. That's blackmail of a sort. I've known people it happened to is why I'm telling you what I'm saying. It's never best for anybody or the person asking that question if he/she is allowed to control anybody using this method. Love is not something one forces on anybody, and I hope you can understand that. The one being asked has to do the strong thing and say, "no more." And mean it. Be strong, seek help for the person, but refuse to be blackmailed. Your love is not bought and sold--it's earned!

Answer 2

Allow me to say this; As the oldest of my mother's children, I have always sought my own concel on everything, from the friends to my actions towards everyone in my life.As a mother of eight children, yes eight, I have loved all of my children in spite of their flaws or strenghths. My mother at one time tried to tell whom to love and whom to associate with, Funny thing happened I did not and do not listen to anyone whom might ask that question.Just for the record it was my father,I had not reached my majority at the time, and she gave an altimatum to the efect that I was to leave her home if I chose to associate with my father. I pushed the envelope as it were, I left my mother's home at the age of fifteen, and began to make my own way in the world.I am not saying it was easy but I am a much stronger person because I did not submit to altimatums .Today my mother and I are the best of friends and she respects my choices and my stands on every subject. You need to be honest with yourself, are you willing to become a puppet for this person, the only reason anyone would request such a assinine thing is to see if they can control you. If you allow for it this once, then you had better purchase a good supply of dancing shoes, because you will be dancing till the end of your days, sister the best advice I have for you is to sit this one out . I find in my life I may not have loved wisely but I have loved well.I hope the links below will help give you a little insight on what actions you need to take.

Answer 3

My Uncle's wife gave him an ultimatum such as the one you are describing. The rest of the family considers it to be abuse, that his wife is abusing him by making him ignore all his family members. Everyone is very saddened, but noone can convince him that it is wrong for her to do that to him. Hopefully if you are in that situation you will realize it is wrong and to stand up for yourself and the people You love and who love you.

If the person who the others want to cut off, is abusing you or other members of your family Then it would be in your and your family's best interest to cut them off in order to protect your loved ones. As a mother, you should protect your children, no matter your feelings for another person.

Answer 4

my baby daughter was that way and sometimes you do have one person in a family that needs that extra love but you have to explain to them the different types of love there is no greater love than the a mother has for her child the love you have for a husband is a totally different kind of love and a friends love is also different took me forever to explain that to my daughter but finally she understood but with her insecurity i still show her a little more attention from time to time but no i haven't given up a friend and i wont give up my friend for no reason its not even fair to be asked to do that just try explaining the difference in loving different people

Answer 5

"Kicked to the Curb!"
Hold your ground!
My own children for many years teased each other by saying "mom loves me more than she does you."
I always reassured them both that I loved them equally, just differently, because they both had differently strengths and qualities that I admired in both of them.
When they were both in their late teens, I remarried.
They told my husband that now they knew that I loved him more than I did them and they felt "Kicked to the curb."
But the teasing among them continued.
My youngest became pregnant and gave me my first grandchild.
My Oldest said, you married dad, and we got "kicked to the curb" and now that she is here, I feel "kicked to the sidewalk."
13 months and 22 minutes later, my oldest gave me my first grandson.
She then exclaimed "Now I will be Kicked to the other side of the street."
That was 5 years ago and my grandson has a sister now.
Both of my girls have come to realize that I love them both equally, but differently.
And I am grateful and appreciative of my 3 beautiful blessing that I address as my "Grand babes."
Good communication is the key and holing your ground on some neutral maters such as who do you love more...
Let them feel that they have been "Kicked to the curb, the sidewalk or across the street," they all will come around eventually.

Answer 6

My girls have done this, and I just explain that I cant love one more than the other, just different because they are different kids and different ages and different personalities. Usually it is the older one who asks, since the younger one requires more attention at this point. I just tell her that I have loved her longer, and I loved her first, because I had her first. Seems to be acceptable so far....

Answer 7

I don't quite understand the question. I know that I would never love one of my children more than the other.

Answer 8

It would help if you said which family members you're talking about and why they want you to do this.

Answer 9

i have cut off friends who offended me or someone in my family

Answer 10

Not enough info.