What should we do?

Question

My daughter is 3 and feeling left out. We are now expecting and she does not want to be a part of anything. I want to spend some mommy and me time with her. But I do not know what we should do. Should we go to one place, spend a whole day together, or what? Thank You. Also if you have any advise on coping with a 3 year ol, pregnant mommy, and confused daddy please tell me.

Answer 1

I've been throught he same thing, my kids are 6 4 and 16 months, it is not easy, and there is resentment, have your daughter go shopping with you, one item for baby, one item for big sister, let her rub your belly and feel the baby kick, tell her how proud of her you are, and how great of a big sister she is going to be. 3 yr olds are difficult no matter which way you look at it, just make sure to devote 1 hour a day just to her...

Answer 2

To me it sounds like you already have some ideas, of course having a mommy daughter day would be good for her and you, but one day isnt going to make her feel completly better. Make sure that you dont only include her that day but thought out the whole pregnancy. You may want to talk to her about how important a big sister is to a little kid and how much her baby brother or sister will need her. If you or your husband are a younger sibling then tell then how much you loved your older siblings. Also dont just do a mommy daughter day but make sure your husband is giving her some extra attention to. Also if there was anything you did daily and have stopped when you became pregnant try to make sure you start doing it again, try to make her know that things are not going to change for the worse with a new baby but for the better. If you use to read to her every night but havent because you have been so tired try to start doing it again even if its something short or read to her at another time. Also to make her feel really special you could pick to names that you and your husband really like and tell her that you cant pick which one you like best and tell he because she is the big sister you and her daddy think she should choose. Tell her the two names and whatever she likes then name the baby that, some people may think thats too much for a 3 year old but if its names you really like then its not hurting anything. My neice was 6 when my newfew was born ( my niece was my sisters and the newfew was my brothers) even though it was not her brother she really felt left out when the whole family got together so when my family was only paying attention to my newfew I would go and play with her and ask her about her day and just spend time with her. Im pregnant now and my niece is pretty happy about it, but she wanted to buy me her own card for the baby shower, so I sent her mom and dad a thank you note and sent her own for her to open up. Also another that may make her feel special is if you plan to have a baby shower (some people dont for the second) you could do a theme where you would be the queen and she could be the princess let her have her own special seat and maybe ask a few close relatives (or big sister) to bring little gift that say somthing about being a sister and also let her help you unwrap the new baby presents. Also kids are a lot smarter then a lot of adults give them credit for so you can get ideas from her on other things besides the name, like baby the color to paint the nursery and those kinds of things. Well I didnt plan to write this much so Im going to wrap it up but I hope that it has helped and good luck and congrats on your new edition.

Answer 3

It's a good thing that you are thinking of ways on how to deal with your 3-year old especially that you are expecting another child. In your situation, be reminded that the earlier or sooner you let your 3-year be 'part' of the scene, the more that she will learn to know that she's part of the family.

I can say that your 3-year old does need your exclusive attention. Whilst the other child hasn't been born yet, do spend some time with your daughter by playing with her. In fact, there are many ways wherein you can express your love and attention towards her. Read to her a bedtime story or simply go out to your yard at night and show her the stars. The key here is constant communication and by the time that you already have the feel that she's getting more comfortable with you and that she feels very much loved, you can then try to introduce the fact that she is expecting soon to have a baby brother or sister. This may make her jealous at first especially when the baby is born but remember to take heart. You can control the situation and you can let her be part of it. In preparing for the baby's arrival, you can explain to her how wonderful it is to have a baby in the family and that your daughter can play a big role in it. Not only will she be able to play with the baby but she too, can help take care of her sibling. By the time that the baby's is born, you can make it into a 'play' with her. Let your daughter hold and touch the newborn and let her do some stuff like getting some of the baby's things (like diapers, balnkets, etc.) . The trick here is to let your 3-year old be part of the big picture. With that, she will learn to appreciate that she's part of the family and that she feels needed or wanted as well.

For now, cease the moment with her. Do everything that you can do to be able to spend more time with her. Let her feel that she's very much loved and wanted by her mom and dad. With that, she will absolutely carry the good feeling with her. And when the baby comes, well, that's a different story but you can definitely remedy the situation by letting her be part of it.

Answer 4

I too have a 3 year old and also a 7 month old. My 3 yr. old is sometimes jealous. The way to make her feel like she is not neglected is just like 5 or 10 minutes here and there. Take her to the park, read her a book, hold her a few minutes. When the baby is born, ask her to help you out. Like entertain the baby while you change baby, let her hold baby and just keep her involved. Tell her how great of a big sis she is and make sure you are always giving some part of your day to her and let dad take the baby. My daughter loves going shopping and coloring with me. Its hard but in time as the baby gets more active she will have more fun playing with baby. I hope i could help.

Answer 5

My son is 4 and we just had a baby. Just tell her all the things she will get to help the baby learn. Let her know that you will need her help. My son loves helping and feeling included. If possible let her go to the doctors office with you and hear the heart beat. My son loved to talk to the baby in my belly. Also go to your local library and look for books explaining to a child what is happening. I know there is a Franklin the turtle book on it and we read a few others. Just make sure you include her in this and don't get caught up with the baby and forget about her. I can tell you when the baby gets here it is very easy to get caught up in all the baby stuff. Just try to make a time in the day to watch cartoons with her or play outside or go get ice cream. More than anything children just want some of our time. Good luck.

Answer 6

Everyone's advice is great.

Maybe spending some special time with Daddy. This sounds like a perfect time for some real bonding. She's got to learn to let go of you a little bit because the new baby is going to need you more at times. This is the perfect time for Daddy to be there for her because soon there will be times that he's the only one she's going to be able to go to (you're busy changing the baby). They can go to the park and lunch or whatever. She'll be able to relax and enjoy and miss you a little bit. Maybe you'll get a big hug and a whooper story when they get home.

Sounds like she's rejecting you a little bit - she's self protecting by rejection - she's protecting herself and growing up a little - congratulations! You are getting a glimpse of her budding personality!

Answer 7

Your question while a good one, puzzles me just a bit. You say she is feeling left out. How do you know that, if I may be so bold to ask. Maybe you could add a little more info, and maybe tell if her behavior has changed, etc., and when your baby is due, etc. The greatest thing in the world is that you are in-tune to your daughter and you and your husband and searching for answers. How much better a world this would be if all parents CARED so much! Can you give some more info?

Answer 8

Give her a baby doll, life size. Have her bathe it, put on diapers, get the kind with a bottle. Explain that when you are taking care of the new baby, she will take care of her baby. My son has 4 little ones 2 yrs apart. My daughter in law did this, worked great. Make her a part of the process, have her buy a gift for the baby, and have on hand little gifts from the new baby to her when you come home from the hospital.

Answer 9

You know my daughter was 4 when I got pregnant with my now 4 month old daughter. I took my daughter everywhere with me. She went to my ultrasounds, belly checks, and all things about my pregnancy. She is ok now, but i still keep her included when I take her sister a bath or change her clothes. But maybe you should try some just one on one time with her.
Spend a whole day with her doing girl things like getting your hair done and going shopping. It will take a while but she will eventually come around.

Answer 10

I have an 11 year old and a 7 month old, so the situation was a bit different, however, he also felt a bit nervous and left out. So, I designated one night a week as his night and each week he got to pick something special to do (art, game, ice cream sundae party). Even after the baby came, I was very careful to continue this tradition. Good luck!