We are both in our 30's. And I have never had sex with anyone. He was the first guy I fooled around with. When he was touching me down there it hurt. So he asked me if I had herpes. Then I was very offended for him asking such a question. He said it could be conjenital. But my parents were virgins before they got married. I am East Indian and my fiance is White. In my culture it is inapproperate for unmarried people to have sexual intercourse or even fool around. So I was hurt when he asked me that. He mentioned to me one time that when he was in high school his girl friends sister had herpes and she was a virgin. And that's why he asked me if I had herpes. He appologized for being insensitive and we got enaged a month later. He is a great guy in every way. He is loving, he is very encouraging, affectionate, a great cook etc, etc. But him asking me this question really hurt my feelings. So am I over reacting? Is it a normal question a guy should ask?
2006-07-16 14:56:00 · 11 answers · asked by cluelesschickus 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You are concerned about it because of your social and cultural views about the subject. His culture does not share the same views as yours. American society is open about STDs and premarital sex, and adopts the viewpoint that it is okay to ask partners about STDs. There is a bit of cultural difference going on between you two.
Therefore his question, albeit uneducated and perhaps blunt, is not offensive, because it was asked from a standpoint of good intentions.
Just to let you know, however, there is a way to obtain genital herpes without having sex. Cold sores are a form of herpes and can be transferred from the exterior of the body (such as the mouth) to the genital area.
2006-07-16 16:38:58 · answer #1 · answered by blueskies7890 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a bit insensitive, but you're a bit overreacting over a question. If you had herpes, you'd tell him, right?
Besides, once you have herpes, you have it for life. And about the virgin with herpes...that is possible. Like if someone has a cold sore, which is mouth herpes, they touch it and if they then touch their genitals, they can give themselves genital herpes.
Besides, if it hurt when he touch you...herpes doesn't even work that way...was he touching your opening or something? Maybe it hurt because you were nervous or something. Like you said, in your culture it is inappropriate for unmarried people to have sexual intercourse or even fool around.
It's not exactly a normal question...but hey, you love him, you can forgive him.
2006-07-16 15:07:43 · answer #2 · answered by Elizabeth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the way he asked the question at such an intimate time was a bit rude but he's a guy and they don't exactly wear their hearts on their sleeves. So in my opinion he wasn't being insensitive ... he just responded at an inappropriate time... Don't sweat the small stuff... :)
2006-07-16 15:34:08 · answer #3 · answered by lili 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are over-reacting. Herpes happens to a lot of people. Perhaps he wasn't trying to be INsensitive but rather it was an attempt to be SENSITIVE to you and how things felt to you. In today's world - that question along with: Do you have HIV? Do you have syphilis? Do you have Gonorrhea? are all questions that should be asked BEFORE a person has sex with ANYONE. It's just good sense.
2006-07-16 15:04:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure, you're overreacting, yet in straightforward terms via fact in us of a, that's under pressure which you and your significant different communicate brazenly approximately any ailments/circumstances each of you will have. He wasn't being insensitive. in certainty, ordinarily, that's in many circumstances a solid thought for the two events to get examined in the previous getting married. you will be asking questions like he's. I understand that the East Indian lifestyle is a little greater inner maximum approximately issues like this, even nonetheless it is in straightforward terms a sprint cultural difference and not something to lose sleep over or sense harm approximately.
2016-10-08 00:11:45 · answer #5 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think of it as insensitive for if you are hurting in that area, there could be something wrong. I think that it would be a good thing that he is concerned because he recognized that it could be something serious. If you would like to know more about how Herpes could be spread, go to this site...
http://www.herpes.com/Transmission.shtml
The soreness could be nothing but if it is, it will be there for the rest of your life and he would be in the right to know if he is thinking of planning his life with you in it.
2006-07-16 15:32:18 · answer #6 · answered by inen_inen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah, but you have to think that your fiancee has a right to know that, since he will be sharing your life and your up and your downs, and also your diseases, (if youve got flu, he will too).
no, it is not normal, but it is understandable, anyway, you should get tested of everything because you can get infected of everything, even just sharing a bathroom.
dont be mad, your cultures are different and in his, probably, that wasnt such a horrible question. So, accept it. and good luck on your wedding.
2006-07-16 16:40:29 · answer #7 · answered by Lavender Pink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think it would be a normal question, but if he is as good to you as you say you shouldnt let it bother you anymore. It was just a mistake on his part.
2006-07-16 15:06:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hhmm...i think it's normal these days to ask. Both my bf and I got complete blood works ( i know, it sounds over the top) but we both wanted to protect Each other and ourself :)
2006-07-17 20:02:28 · answer #9 · answered by niku414 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wrong
2006-07-16 15:04:51 · answer #10 · answered by George S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋