Make me laugh?

Question

Say some jokes, best joke gets 10 points

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH i looked in ym pants and all i thought was " Wow, diodnt know it was that big

Answer 1

This is your Captain

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the Tampa Airport.

The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area".

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, "So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're in Tampa?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge t-i-t-s out for dinner.... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long."

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot 's talking about.


Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane.
She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a s-h-i-t first."

Answer 2

the nursery rhymes are the bomb

There is 3 guys and they find a magic lamp. A Genie pops out and says I will grant you each a wish about your dick. So the first one says I wish I had a wooden one, the second one says I wish I had a metal one, and the third one says I wish I had one that is a mile long. The Genie grants their wishes and says I will find you in 3 weeks to see how you like them. SO in 3 weeks the genie finds them and asks how they like them. The first one says I don't like mine it gives the girl splinters. The second one says I don't like mine either. It is hard and Awkward. But the third one is like Yea well I like mine because see that girl way over there. BAM


mommy mommy y r we pushing the car off the cliff
shut up or you'll wake your father


hope you're not a Viking fan.

There was this packer fan and whenever he was driving and saw somebody wearing a Viking jersey walking on the side walk he would swerve over just far enough to scare them, but not hit them. SO one day he sees this priest standing by his car with a flat tire and figures he should do a good deed and pick him up. NOW they were driving down the road and the packer sees a Viking fan on the passenger side. Out of habit he swerves over, suddenly he hears this THUNK. He bows his head and says I'm sorry father for I have sined. The priest is like. Aw don't worry... I hit him with the door.

Nursery Rhymes for Big Kids

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plasteres;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard

Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two hunks of bread

Jack and jill went up the hill
to have a little fun
stupid jill forgot the pill
and now the have a son

Simple simon met a pie man going to the fair
said simple simon to the pie man.
what have u got there
said the pie man unto simon
pies you dumb @#&

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses
and all the kings men
had scrambled eggs
for breakfast again

Hey diddle diddle the cat took a piddle
all over the bedside clock
the little dog laughed to see such fun
then died of electric shock

georgie porgy pudding and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
and when the boys came out to play
he kissed them 2 cuz he was gay

There was a little girl who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead
when she was good she was very very very good
but when she was bad...
she got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Answer 3

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said... ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.'' Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. ''Yep,'' he said,'' just what I thought, just about the same size.'' The wife became mad and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.
When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, ''How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?'' The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. ''What's the matter?'' he asked. She replied... ''You don't think I'm going to fire up this big A$$ grill for one little weenie, do you?''

Answer 4

these two will make you laugh

Horny Rooster

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.
When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.
Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.
The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Henry, you'll kill yourself." But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.
The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy."
"Shhhhh," Henry whispered, "The buzzard is getting closer."

The Enchanted Snake

It was spring in the old west.
The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter.
As one cowboy's horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.
"Hold on there, partner," said the snake, "don't shoot- I'm an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you don't shoot me, I'll give you any three wishes you want."
The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snake's striking range. He said, "OK, first, I'd like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, I'd like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, I'd like sexual equipment like this here horse I'm riding."
The rattlesnake said, "All right, when you get back to the bunk house you'll have all three wishes."

The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.
Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable.
He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted...
"Oh My God... I was riding the MARE!

Answer 5

well it is kind of dirty but here it goes..
there was a woman and a man who got drunk one night and decided to rent a hotel room to have sex. but while they were in the middle of it the woman's boyfriend runs in. the man throws the condom out of the window and run out the door. when he goes outside he sees that a little boy is holding the condom so he gpoes up to him and says
"give me back my twinkie"
the little boy saus "no"
the man says i will give you 10 dollars and the boys says no
he says i will give you 20 bucks and the boy says oh alright
the next day the boy goes up to his mom and say mommie this man gave me 20 bucks to give him back his twinkie but i will tell you a secret

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i already sucked out all the cream filling!
it is nasty i know but when i heard it i got a good laugh!

Answer 6

try this

chuch makes me laugh all the time...

but remeber
He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris … dies.

Answer 7

look in the mirror and you'll laugh your a$$ off

Answer 8

yo mama

Answer 9

The best joke I ever heard was from my 6 year old....it only works if you say it out loud:

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Interrupting cow."
"Interrupting c--....
"MOO!"
"...-ow who?"

Answer 10

look in your pants