As an adult, I have chosen to have no contact with my parents because they are bad people. I didn't make this decision lightly, believe me. I know there are others who have made similar choices. So how do you deal with the likelihood of people's casual judgments about this if/when it comes up (e.g. conversations with b.f.'s parents)? Also, what do you say when people ask you what you're doing for mother's day, if you'll see you family at holidays, etc.?
2006-07-16 13:51:18 · 12 answers · asked by perseph1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have heard of this many times, especially the older I get, the more hear it. It is sad to me, but I know how things can happen and how bad parents can be, have heard a lot throughout life. I say, that you have made the decision to not be in contact with family, as an adult, that is your decision, your right, and that you want anybody who knows you to respect it and not question it. Ask others who in casual conversation, who don't really know you nor the circumstances, "what does it mean if I tell you?or why do you want to know?" Let others know that is dredges up a lot of painful memories and hard times and you are and have moved on in your life! If anybody is a person who has any kind of a heart, they will respect what you say. If they don't, then to hell with them!!! That's the way it goes! You have to be strong and stay strong for in this world, you are always going to come across people who have something to say, or who judge you, but that's their problem, their issues, not yours!!! Be comfortable with who you are and the decisions you've made! Good luck! I am sure if you have a b.f.'s family who are supportive, and other family and/or friends, you're going to be fine. : )
2006-07-16 14:00:50 · answer #1 · answered by Laurie S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what you feel is right for you. If the question you get from other people make you feel at all guilty, then perhaps you should try to make at least one family gathering per year and talk on the phone once in a while so that you know that they are doing ok. You don't have to let them know too much about where you are or anything like that if you are scared of what they may do. I don't know what you mean by "bad people" as there could be many reasons you think they are bad. As long as you know that they are ok and living the "normal" life you are used to them living and that you are able to say that they are ok or that you can not feel so bad about completely turning your back to them, then it is up to you to be able to answer these questions as honestly and as confortably as possible. In the end, you will only have yourself to answer to when life throws you a curve ball.
If you were about to die, could you honestly say you were happy with how you treated the family and friends you had in you life and when one of them passes, would you be able to say that you had no regrets for treating them they way you did? Do what makes you feel comfortable, cause you have to live with yourself and your decisions!
2006-07-16 14:55:03 · answer #2 · answered by inen_inen 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This indeed is a very awkward situation. However, you could try just saying, nothing really my parents and I are estranged. Hopefully people will leave it at that. If not and someone should pursue the matter by trying to go further into your personal life, you might say, the whole situation is very painful for me and I would prefer not to discuss it. Anyone with any common sense should leave well enough alone at this point.
Yes you are very correct, many many children when they become adults distant themselves from their parents and or family. You are not alone.
2006-07-16 14:07:38 · answer #3 · answered by c.nolan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am one of those people who choose not to deal with my mother. Only thing is she closed the door first. I just made the decision to lock it for good. No one knows what really happened but you. No one has the right to judge you either. There comes a time in your life where you have to protect yourself and distance yourself from people that will do harm no matter who they are. When someone ask you what you are doing for mother's day tell them that your starting over.
2006-07-16 14:39:36 · answer #4 · answered by s. life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you are never required to answer a question if you don't want to. If you lead in with an explanation, the person will just ask for more details, and before you know it, you have revealed more than you planned to. If you can't get away with not answering, make it general: I am not that close with my family.
bf's parents are a little more difficult. Tell them the amount of detail you are comfortable with, and no more. I had to explain the same type of thing to my in-laws, and I still don't think they understand. I, however, know that I can't help that...
2006-07-16 13:56:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I, too, have bad people for parents. I am now estranged from them and would greatly appreciate a forum or email list for people like us! Would anyone be interested in joining a new Yahoo! group for adults with estranged parents. I know I could use the support! =)
2006-07-18 11:37:35 · answer #6 · answered by Sugar 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been estranged from my father for many years. it has never been an issue about people asking about the holiday i just say nothing and that is the end . the only hard part is when my kids ask me why they don't have a grandfather.
2006-07-16 14:03:29 · answer #7 · answered by gjr424 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same situation as you are. Don't mind people who make judgements about your judgements. It's none of their business. As long you are happy with your decision and its frees you of your pain and it improves you as a human being, then you made the right decision. Yes they are still your parents but it's still your life and you got the right to make something good out of your life. Peace.
2006-07-16 13:57:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them tha your parents where abusive, and that they hurt you greatly when u where young, so u decided to ende ties with them when u became independent. Also I suggest u restart the ties with them, because even though they may be SOB's they are still your parents, so be the better person! remeber to have a perfect life you must remove all anger from your heart, you must forgive all, and love all, and hev mercy on those that have wronged you, and love them for making you stronger, and remember that u will be praised for your courage. Please do me a favor, and give them a call, they must be old, and have a little time left on earth, so give them a call, and let the live their last days in happines, and u live your life in peace, for ask yourself this, when they die, and u become more mature, how will u feel, you will torture yourself with what ifs, and guilt will burden u to your grave.... have love and peace...tc
curved_path@yahoo.com
2006-07-16 14:00:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do like I have had to...you say, 'Unfortunately, my mother and I are having some problems. I wish I could do those things, but it's not possible at the moment.'
If you feel that you must give an explanation, that is more than enough. You don't need to specify any more than you wish.
2006-07-16 13:57:11 · answer #10 · answered by long_ebony_locs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋