I need to hear a great joke dirty or clean know one ?

Answer 1

George Bush is sitting in the oval office. He gets bored and decides to do a puzzle, so he grabs a box and pours its contents onto his desk. A few minutes later, he has not been able to put even two pieces together, so he calls Dick Cheney.
"Uncle Dicky Dick! I can't get this puzzle together!" Bush cries.
"What's the picture on the box?" asks Cheney.
"A rooster," Bush replies.
"I'll be right there," says Cheney.
When he arrives at the White House, Cheney walks into the oval office and takes a long, hard look at the president before saying, "GEORGE, PUT THE CORN FLAKES BACK IN THE BOX!"

Answer 2

Here you go, sorry its lengthy:

On a deserted island there lived a man, a sheep, and a dog.
There is not much to do on the island. One hobby that all three
took interest in was watching the sun set. On one particular
evening, a warm breeze came and the sky was set for a
romantic mood. The man gazes onto the sheep and kept getting
closer to it. The dog saw this and kept barking and barking. The
man went back to where he was and the rest of the night was
in awkward silence. A couple of days later, a woman drifted onto
shore and was in need of help. The man took her in and nursed
her back to health. This woman was by far the most attractive
woman the man had ever seen including when he was in
civilization. In a few weeks time, the woman was well and she
participated in watching the sun set. One evening, a warm
breeze came by and the sky was set for a romantic mood. The
man approached the woman and whispered in her ear,
"Do you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

Answer 3

A teacher asks her elementary school class "If there are 5 birds on a wire, and a hunter comes along and shoots 2 of them, how many are left?" One little boy raises his hand and says "None, they would all fly away when they heard the gunshot." The teacher says "Well, the answer is 3, but I like the way you think." Later on at recess the boy goes up to his teacher and asks her "Do you see those three women on that bench across the street?" The teacher says yes and the boy asks "Which one do you think isn't married? The one knitting, the one reading a magazine, or the one sucking on a popsicle?" The teacher thinks for a moment and says "I don't know, the one sucking on the popsicle?" The boy says "Well, the answer is the one without a wedding ring, but I like the way you think."

Answer 4

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him
out of ten million bucks; his bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered
an occupational benefit, and the reason he got the job in the first
place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper wouldn't be able
to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper
about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney,
who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is
the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper
where the 10 million bucks is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I
don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the
Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the
bookkeepers temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"

The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you
don't tell him!"

The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is
in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's
backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd
he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts
to pull the trigger."

Answer 5

Well, it's not great, but it's kinda funny... I personally love blone jokes.... (I'm a brunette, lol....)

Three young women, a red head, a brunette & a blonde, rob a bank, taking thousands of dollars worth of stuff, and are trying to escape the cops. They run into a store and hide. The police come running in after them, and search the place. The police man comes up to a crate labelled "cats", where the red hed is hiding, and gives it a kick. The red head as she's hiding in the crate says "meow meow meow", and the officer goes on searching... He then comes up to the crate where the brunette is hiding, which is labelled dogs, and gives it a nudge. "Woof woof woof" the brunette cries out. The officer keeps on with his search. He then comes up to the next crate, gives is a shove, and the blonde cries out "Potato potato potato!!"

Answer 6

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said... ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.'' Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. ''Yep,'' he said,'' just what I thought, just about the same size.'' The wife became mad and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.
When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, ''How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?'' The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. ''What's the matter?'' he asked. She replied... ''You don't think I'm going to fire up this big A$$ grill for one little weenie, do you?''

Answer 7

New Rules In Hell


A man dies and goes to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil.

The man looks around and sees no fire or people being tortured, nothing uncomfortable, and asks, "where is all the horrible things that Hell has to offer me? I might as well get started now".

The Devil says, " Things have changed down here".

He asks the man, "Do you like to drink alcohol?"

"Oh, Yes!" replied the man, with a big smile.

"Well you are in luck", Says the Devil, "because on Mondays there is drinking all day, anything that you want"

"Wow, that's sounds great", the man says.

"How about sex? Do you like sex?" the Devil asks.

The man replys, "Love sex, just never could get enough".

The Devil replys, "Well we will take care of that little problem, we have sex all day on Tuesday".

The smile continues to grow wider on the mans face.

He is then asked if he had any homosexual tendancies.

"Absolutely not!", he says emphatically, "I can't stand queers!"

The Devil smiles at him and says, "You are really going to hate Wednesdays then."

Answer 8

a dirty joke: joe played in the mud. a clean joke: joe took a bath with bubbles. a dirty joke: bubbles is the girl next door.

Answer 9

Q: What does a horny gay guy do when he is all alone?

A: Poops in his hand and starts masturbating!
____________________________________________

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender takes the $20 bill from his hand and gives him $1 change thinking the dumb gorilla doesn't know how to subtract. The bartender says, "We don't get too many gorillas coming in around these parts." The gorilla says, "Tuh! For $19 a drink, I can see why!"
____________________________________________
Q: What is the best case scenario for America?

A: Have all the Mexicans kill all the blacks, then be hung for it.
____________________________________________
Q: What's the difference between a n*gger and a snow tire?
A: A snow tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.
____________________________________________

Answer 10

Okay, I have a dirty one...hehehe....Okay, what do the mafia and eating pu$$y have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep $hit. Okay, another one is kinda dirty too. What is the leading cause of death in lesbians? Hairballs. Okay, here's a clean one: What would the world be like without panda's?
Panda-monium. Get it? Hehehe...made that one up myself. :D