Why is doing what I do make me so sad?

Question

I'm just finishing off my diploma in architecture, which is my first love. There's nothing else I'd want to do - nothing. But for the last year or so now, the workload has been getting me really down to a point where I know I'm really sad and even depressed - and it's making me ill. You can see it in my eyes, and my face is giving it away to family and friends, and it's hard for me to hide. I've seen a counsellor about this, and I thought I was over it, but I guess I'm not. The demons are still there, and I'm still hurting very much.

I'm smiling on the outside, but crying on the inside, and I'm a lost soul. Why is this? Is it that I'm realising at 24 what I'm losing out on lifewise? I really don't know what to do - my whole life seems to revolving around having to do this and that. I'm just lost. I have no one to talk to, tutors on my back - everything's a mess.

I can't see an end to all of it. I love what I do very much.

Answer 1

relax sit back chill, stop stressing and life will be easier

Answer 2

It`s the pressure of the work that is making you ill. I became very ill when studying because of the stress and it was the same for a lot of people. Try to hang on with the course, it will be worth it. Do you think you can do that? You have been studying a long time and so it is worth seeing it through if possible. However, you have to think of your health, that is more important than anything else. I HAD to take a week off in the end, just to rest. I really thought I was going mad. I couldn`t cram any more information in my head, I could no longer read three books at once and do research and go to tutorials and lectures and write 3 essays at once! Is there any way that you could have a short break? I also found that deferring deadlines helped a great deal. I think you need a bit of breathing space. I don`t think it is what you are studying that is the problem, like you said, you love it. It`s just the massive workload that is the problem. I explained how I was feeling to each individual tutor, otherwise they wouldn`t have known how I was feeling and would have kept demanding their work on time. They were really understanding. is that an option in your case? Just bear in mind, that the course isn`t the most important thing in the world, even though it certainly seems like it right now.

Answer 3

I hope when you finish school and get that much deserved diploma in your hand you will stop being so depressed.
College is hard work, stressfull, ect. I am not telling you anything you don't allready know though, am I?
Please talk to a therapist asap! Some people make the mistake of stopping their meds/therapy when they feel better and then they relapse.
You are young, you have the world by the balls.
With a degree you will make more $$$.
In this competitive world you will be able to face it head on and kick *** as long as you do not let this hinder you.
You are trained to do something you love and make $$ at it!
WOW! Alot of people have jobs/careers they hate or are settling for.
I made a gratitude list one day when I was suffering from depression. Try it it really puts things in perspective for you.
Your life is just beginning not ending my friend!
You have many years ahead of you that will be filled with laughter, love, happiness, travel, kids, family, career, ect.
Just slow down, take a deeeep breath and relax. Now, get a piece of paper and make a list of all the things stressing you and/or depressing you. On the other side of the paper put down your ideal of how to change it, handle it, resolve it, ect.
Now, put down the people in your life who can help you accomplish your goals.
If you need to find someone like a therapist isn't there a place on campus where students can go for mental health issues or do you prefer to keep it off campus?
I hope you listen to all the great advice everyone is throwin your way. Take what you need and leave the rest behind.
You will be A-O.K.. Have faith! :) :) :)

Answer 4

I think you need to take some time to yourself and do some soul-searching. You are obviously missing something in your life if you are still hurting. I'm not too sure that this is a problem anyone else can help you fix. It sounds like there is a part of you that is incomplete and you need to discover what that is. You say you are doing what you love for a career and that is awesome. I'm so glad. I know too many people who hate their jobs so much it depresses them. You don't appear to have that problem. Maybe it's more that you seem to have this great life but no one special to share it with? Or you have another passion that you have put on the side and forgot about it? Problems with family? Have any other major events happened in your life that may have affected you more than you thought? It could be a number of things and you just need to take some time and look inside yourself and search your soul for the answer. Stay strong!

Answer 5

You have to do what you love, you have probably been studying way too long and hard, which can be good, but you also need some time for life, or else you get burnt out.
Stand back and assess the situation, you don't want to lose what you already worked so hard for, as humans we can only do so much if architecture is your first love, you are not going to be happy to do something else, take a break, is there anyway you can take some time off, what has happened to you happens to a lot of people, give yourself a break, be good to yourself.when it comes down to it you are all you have, you just need a more balanced life.
Good luck!

Answer 6

It would be good to finish the diploma.

A timetable/ plan and notebook could be useful right now.

Twice in my life before exams, I used this idea.

Longer term it would be useful to tackle the depression, which you slipped into on a very wide front, even ten or twenty different things could help.

1) Following one's conscience
2) Avoiding junk food.
3) Talking to people, even on a trivial level in some cases.
4) Regularity of going to bed to try and sleep and of getting up and of eating.
5) Exercise. One time I walked until my feet were sore. That forced my mind off the depression. Long term, contentment sneaked up on me.
6) Look for ways to help and encourage other people. There seems to always be a shortage of people like that isn't there?
7) Pray if it helps. If you are too busy, you might consider work as a form of prayer.
8) Return here and advise someone else.

Overall:
This could take time, but it has worked for other people, and the alternatives are very unattractive.

Answer 7

I really understand what you are saying - sometimes we really think we want something, work like mad to get it and then it's like a slap in the face when we realise that it's the classic grass is greener scenario. Consider going back to counselling or getting to your GP in the short term if you are feeling really down.

If you are still at Uni, your tutors should be working with you not against you. Can you confide in any of them? They should not be piling extra pressure on. Try and get them on side - they generally have a pastoral responsibility to you too. If needs be consider taking a year out and repeating your last year, rather than risk failing your final assessment if it can't be re-taken. Lots of people are scared to do this, but a good friend of mine took a year out mid-degree because of poor health and now is a Fellow at Cambridge so it really can work for you.

If you are close to finishing and think you can get through consider taking a gap year, or even a gap "term" when you get finished. Think about what you want out of life - do you love the job enough to put in the hours for big success? Weigh up the cost - is it interfering with friends / family / relationships / hobbies / social life? That can help you decide where to go job wise - big ambitious firm or something smaller, maybe even reduced hours until you get into the way of things.

Don't be afraid to ask people for help, or even just to listen. Find time to do the things you enjoy, without using it as an excuse to put off doing the work you need to do - it only creates more stress - been there done that :)

I really feel for you, having been in a similar position, but it does get better, even though it doesn't always feel like it will. And remember - it's YOUR life. Sounds obvious but it's easy to forget when we get on a particular path we can still choose to step off for a while, and then either get back on or head in a different direction. Don't be afraid of upsetting family or firends who have particular expectations - you have to choose how to live your one, very precious life :)

Good luck!

Answer 8

If you are nearing the end of your course, just grit your teeth and get through it. It would be a shame to get this far and not finish, especially if this is what you want to do with your life.
What I don't understand is why you dislike the coursework so much, surely it should feel like a challenge? Is it because you are doing artificial assignments and not working 'in the real world'?
I think maybe you have depression and don't feel like doing anything, and thats why the work seem like a drag; I mean it may not be the course itself getting you down but the fact that it is is a symptom.
Try to see your G.P. and get some medication for the depression, its not the ideal solution but at least you'll be able to finish the course.

Answer 9

This seems to be a common problem with students who have been in school for years, some of them since they were three or four and began pre-school. You have been constanting seeking that next goal...next level.

Now that the end is in site, it's scary. The whole foundation of your life for the past 16-18 years is beginning to crumble.

Change is difficult and this particular change makes you think your entire life will be effected. This is not so, but those well-meaning folk in your life are going to be offering advice that you are not quite ready to hear.

I don't know your financial situation, but if it were me, I'd graduate and move. I would go somewhere that I'd visited in the past and liked and wanted to revisit...maybe upper Michigan... find a small rental place, get a job that will pay the bills, and just chill for a while.

It took me two months after I graduated to settle my head. I kind of turned off the family and their constant queries about "what next?" I worked at a fast food restaurant where I didn't have to think just follow the standard routine. It paid enough to keep me going.

I then had the opportunity to work full-time at my college in the place of a woman going on maternity leave. That position led into the job I've held for the past ten years. A job that suited me well and paid a decent wage where I've been happy.

What ever you do, listen to your heart. Those well-wishers mean the best for you but they do not have to live inside your skin. Do what YOU are comfortable with. It is your life.

Answer 10

It sounds my friend like you need to take some time out!! I'm 42 and have some idea of how your feeling right now: and I know, you, nor I, are the only ones feeling a little lost and over stretched!!

You are obviously doing something you love... but even the things you love sometimes can bring you down. Its obvious to me you are feeling the stress of the course: and going through some depression. I would talk to your tutors/head and ask for an extension to your course, and take some time off to work through whatever 'demons' are troubling you: and what you really want to do!!

It may even be a good idea to go talk things through with your doctor too!! I don't know many people who can admit they have a problem, and even less that like to take medication, (myself included): but admitting there is a problem brings you half way to solving it, and the medication will bring you down to a level, where you can cope with dealing with it!!

Obviously I can not tell, but only advise you what to do: but you sound as if you need to separate yourself from your studies for a while.. see some life..and chill out your head!!

Good luck & take care...

Answer 11

When I was younger I thought that I would be happy when I grew up and all I could see was what I could achieve and everything looked golden.
Then I realised that no matter what you achieve nothing can bring you true happiness - all is vanity!
It seems that mabye now you have come close to the realisation of your goal that you are not as happy as you thought you would be.

Working in the flesh without the spirit is nothing - invite the Son of the Great Spirit into your life for the greatest happiness you could ever have. This will bring true meaning to your life.

Also remember, this world is a shadow of the next one, look at it, we are destroying ourselves. When the Son returns it will be heaven on earth - and it won't be long!