Why he won't say we're boyfriend and girlfriend?

Question

Iv'e been involved with my "high school sweetheart" off and on for almost 7 years now. He told me, in late May, that he wanted to marry me but for some reason he won't say we're boyfriend and girlfriend. He says that he doesn't see why we need the label (for ourselves), and he tells other people he's single? He says we're in a relationship but don't need to call it anything. So what do I call him, who do I say I'm marrying? Should I be hurt, or upset? Should I re-consider being w/him? Maybe he's not the man God has for me? Serious answers please!

We don't have sex, barely see each other because we live in two separate states, and I actually changed my number because at one point I didn't want to deal w/him because he wasn't showing me he wanted to comitt. He came to me wanting to be "back together" and married.

He hasn't asked me to marry him yet, but we talk about it all the time. I actually had a lot of ?'s for him the other night and was close to calling it quits again as a result of him not giving me the answers he should of or that I wanted, but once again he pleaded for us to stay together.

Answer 1

He won't say you are boyfriend and girlfriend because he wants a clear conscience when he cheats. Been there done that. He is playing a game. There is an old saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" You are an intelligent woman. Think about it. He is telling that he wants to marry you hoping that will pacify and satisfy you. That whole thing about the labeling is the bigget cop out in the world. You deserve better. He should be proud to say you are boyfriend and girlfriend. If he is subjecting you to this kind of crap I say dump him and dump him fast. He is not the man God has you. The man God has for you will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, like a queen. That is the way you deserve be treated. Like a queen, with respect and dignity. Not like a piece of garbage he is ashamed of. It sounds to me like this young man is very immature and neither appreciates nor deserves you. I am a christian man and I firmly believe in the power of prayer. Two years ago I was involved in a relationship with a woman who treated me like crap and had little respect for me. After allowing her back into my life for the second time I came to the realization that it was time to put an end to the madness and I ended the relationship. Afterwards she did make a couple more futile attempts to get back into my life but I rejected them all knowing that things would be okay in the beginning, however, after she got comfortable with the routine, she would revert back to her old self. Once ending that relationship I joined church and established a personal relationship with God. It was then I made the decision to wait on God for my mate. So I began to pray. I prayed not only for a mate but for the wisdom of recognizing the right woman when she came along. Guess what? It worked. I am now married to the most wonderful woman in the world. I love and respect her with all of my heart and she loves and respects me with all of hers. From experience I can tell you that it will hurt a little in the beginning, but time heals all wounds. Just place your trust in God. It worked for me and I know it will work for you. Be patient. When that guy comes along be sure to take your time and develop a friendship and be sure to invite Christ into your relationship. Keep your head up kid and be blessed. The Caveman loves you and God does to. I will be praying for you. Peace

PS My wife and I lived in separate states as well.

Answer 2

Don't listen to all those other answers above. You sound about 25 years old right? Me too. Some people just don't like labels that society gives. If you feel that his proposal was serious and he's having an exclusive relationship with you I'd say go for it. What's a label between best friends and lovers? Ask him how he feels about the label husband and wife, maybe he will feel this label as more legitimate. When someone asks who is this? You say this is (so and so) we're seeing each other, or we're getting married. He would probably rather be introduce by name than by the general term boyfriend anyways. It makes it sound more personal. The point is if you get married he should stop calling himself single and you should have an exclusive relationship. Other than that labels don't really matter if you love each other.

Answer 3

I have a hard time with the b/f g/f labels too. The part I would question is why does he tell others that he is single? I usually say I'm seeing someone or refer to them as "the person I'm seeing". If you want to marry someone you are not single. If he's single and you're not - you shouldn't marry him. Period. What happens when you're married with kids and he's still single?

Answer 4

This man is playing mind games with means of words and communication.

Your emotions are in knots because he wants to use this terminology instead of that one and you feel comfortable with.

This shouldn't be rocket science, either you are together or aren't and the world doesn't turn while others say they are single when they aren't unless they are trying to screw someone else.

This man you are with obviously has ulterior motives and he is hoping you are dumb enough to fall for his word games in the face of society.

It is a damn shame he has been your "sweetheart" for 7 years.

As far as my thoughts are concerned I believe this man is crazy.

If I were to guess, I would say that he is a crook and even a con man of some sort.

Any man who can't let the world know plain and simple that you two are ENGAGED, DATING or are BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND: Needs to be dumped immediately.

If he's going around saying that he's single: LEAVE HIM NOW!!!!

Answer 5

I agree with him in a way, you don't need to labeled to recognize that you are together, but I do not understand why he would say you're in a relationship, yet tell others that you're single. Being single is completely opposite to the relationship both of you share, and I believe that him telling others that is in all disrespect to you. I don't believe he respects you like he should in a seven year relationship.

Answer 6

People nowadays are quite afraid of being mature an committing to anything.

The general social trend now is for people to date and have a relationship, but not admit they are boyfriend/girlfriend.

Why they do this eludes me.

Tell people he's your boyfriend, because that's what he is.

Have a long talk with him to make him admit that yes, you two are in a relationship which DOES mean you are boyfriend/girlfriend, regardless of his denial.

If you're going to marry him, this will be good practice for henpecking him in the future.

Answer 7

He just isnt that into you. As harsh as it sounds, it is reality. If he is that ashamed, that afraid, and that "free" to not call you his girlfriend, he isnt worth keeping. Because any man who LOVES his girl, will not be afraid to tell the world he belongs with someone. I think its quiet obvious he is looking for something better, therefore says he is single. There is girls out there that would take advantage of it, and go for him, and he might as well to, because he does label himself "single". So what I am trying to say is that, he is not ready to say he has a girlfriend.

Sweety, He is not worth it. He doesnt deserve you, the man that will want to be with you will call you his Girl, his GiRlfriend, his everything, and will want to let EVERYONE know he has someone.

Your boyfriend needs to go. give him the boot.

Answer 8

He is playing games. He tells other people that he is single because that is what he is. He tells you that you 2 are together because he wants to pacify you, keep you are around. He is playing games with your heart and you should move on and find a man that is going to treat you the way that you should be treated.

Answer 9

Definately reconsider this situation.
The extreme red flag is that he doesn't want to label you as bf and gf, yet is proudly content with the label of SINGLE.

I'd normally suggest counselling, especially considering the long time you've spent together - but I dunno. 7 years and still touting the single title. That is rude and disrespectful.
Definately, you have a right to be hurt.
He may be a commitmentphobe, but that is no excuse for (to mention it again) telling people he is single.

Answer 10

If he wants to get married- ask him to become engaged, then he'll be your fiance. It's weird that he's told you he wants to get married but tells people he's single. That would get frustrating. If he won't commit to you or at least to stop telling people he's single, it might be a good idea to move on to someone who will make you a priority in his life.