A Question for Men about men?

Question

I have been seeing my boyfriend for eighteen months and our love life has been far from exciting. He does not arroused, he has been to the doctor to be tested for low hormone and testerone counts and they came back normal. I am begining to get very bothered by this because he can go six months without sex and it does not bother him. I feel like he is not attracted to me but he assures me that is not it at all, that this is the way he has always been. In the rare instance we do have sex it may last one minute. He is 30 if that matters. I have tried almost everything, he is a little timid though. Any suggestions because he is talking about marriage and I am beginning to think that I can't marry someone that can't satisfy me? Other than that one flaw is really is perfect.

Answer 1

This is a hard one to try to answer especially since I don't know him, but if it's just the intercourse you could probably get him to please you with fingers or mouth and tell him you don't expect to go all the way. Maybe he will feel better about this. Considering you say it only lasts like one minute he probably hasn't seen you all hot and bothered making noise etc. So maybe you will get him in the mood if either you ask him to watch while you touch yourself, then ask him to help with his hands, or you ask him if he wouldn't mind playing with you with his hands and tell him you don't expect intercourse. After you're all turned on he may change his mind about not screwing you.

Maybe something happened to him when he was little. Just don't pressure him, let him see you getting off without the intercourse and he will probably want to end up doing it.

Answer 2

Besides financial problems sex is one of the biggest reasons for divorce. I don't know why he isn't intrested in sex but some people are different and don't need sex that often while others want it 2 or 3 times a day.If you aren't enjoying each other now and you are thinking to marry . Marriage will not change anything.The older men get the less we depend on sex so there is another thing to think about it will only become less important to him. I don't know some guys just get excited with certain things maybe he just hasn't explored enough to know what those things are. You said he was timid perhaps because of religous beliefs growing up or the way his family approaches sex has put a damper on his mind sexually. I don't really know. Like I said before some guys can go months without sex and be just fine. Good luck with what ever decision you make.

Answer 3

I would ask your boyfriend if he takes any medications for instance high blood pressure medications can cause this type of problem though there are likely other drugs which would diminish the sex drive also. About the not lasting long its likely because after so long without it , its probably just over excitement . Drugs such as Viagra may help in this situation and there are other similar sex enhancers on the market today also. Try to suggest without deflating his ego that he ask his doctor to let him try Viagra or one like it that is available. This would be a sensitive subject for him and I'm sure he's probably quite bothered with it even if he speaks little about it. Since you get along so well I'd try this because it sounds like your relationship deserves a good try to say the least. Also if he would perform oral stimulation on you before the sex act even to the point of your satisfaction beforehand this may be a reasonable alternative. Good luck , there are solutions to this problem so give it a try.

Answer 4

If this is "normal" for him (and low sex drive like that is indeed perfectly normal for some guys) then there's no use thinking that he will change later. If you decide to marry him (or even continue your relationship as it is) then you have to be prepared to accept that sex isn't going to play a major part in your life together.

From personal experience I know of a couple in a similar situation - in this case the guy is bisexual and is more frequently aroused by other guys and his wife has come to accept that she gets very little attention in the bedroom. I'm not saying your guy is gay or bi (although he could be, of course!) but the point is that once you've tried all the usual things (and perhaps even some of the not-so-usual)... sexy undies, different postions, oral, toys, role play etc etc (go buy a sex manual for details if any of this is new to you) then there is probably not an awful lot you can do to change him and it would be unfair on him - and yourself - to expect anything else.

Answer 5

First of all, tell him how you feel. Communicating your feelings is very important, but it looks like you do that. It is also important that your b/f that take this VERY seriously. This is an issue both of you need to work on together. Try looking at what interests him. If there are no interests outside of home, that is it. Just get him out more and don't take no for an answer. Try incorporating a seduction into what interests him most. Be persistent until all attention is on you. Include him into your bathing rituals. Model a new piece of lingerie you bought. Sadly, if nothing works, look into his personal affairs. Is he possibly cheating on you? Disinterest in sex is a telltale sign. Stress in a relationship can cause havoc in the bedroom as well. Deal with the issues then drop the stressers. Worrying gets you nowhere. An organized relationship is a healthy one. The more functional it is, the more each of you will feel like you fit in.

Answer 6

Don't marry him, if he cant give you what you want! I was married for 7 years and 6 of those years sucked, almost no sex at all! I will never do that again! As far as the age thing (him being 30) im 34 and my girlfriend is 22. She has a hard time keeping up! I think you need to tell him the truth of how you feel. Or tell him he needs to find other ways of satisfying you!

Answer 7

He may be perfect in all terms except for sex, life is pretty long journey & as a couple you need to have a healthy sexual relationship for love. Other than that you would always crave to be a mom & may in want of that you would stray out, which would amount to cheating, think of that....would you be able to justify that. So take your time & move out of this relationship in a friednly manner. Sometimes you have to take decision based on practical life situations. So all the best & do get back when you find a new lover.

Answer 8

There is alot of stuff this could be. Although he was tested for low hormone, they probably didn't test the one that is most commonly deficient....growth hormone. A deficiency of growth hormone has lack of sex drive as a primary symptom.

It could be cardiovascular problems, especially if he is a smoker. Or worse, diabetes. Get tested for diabetes and have an ultrafast CT scan of the heart done to make sure his coronary arteries aren't closed down (making him high risk for a heart attack).

Another culprit is low levels of carnitine. This is especially likely if he takes statin drugs like Lipitor. Supplement with carnitine and see what happens.

As a last resort, there is a drug called Dostinex that has the effect of dramatically increasing a man's libido. Taken with viagra, it will essentially force him to be ummm, horny. Don't use these drugs without thoroughly researching their use and under a doctor's care.

Answer 9

If sex is that important to you, you really shouldn't compromise it. He may not want to have intercourse but he should at least be willing to do other things such as oral sex, use adult toys or manually stimulate you. If he doesn't want to do any of this, than you have a difficult decision: compormise a love life for a life with a nice guy, or end it and find someone who is less perfect but can satisfy you sexually. He could have other mental pathologies, so be careful.

Good luck...

Answer 10

I had a friend that I meant when I was 19. He was the sweetest guy that i ever knew. I never got with him because he could not get an erection and he was just too sweet to cheat on. I am now 33. He died last year. Two weeks before he died in a car accident, he begged me to get with him. He would of treated me like a queen. I did not just because of sex. He is now dead and I wish I would of got with him. I probably would of had a better life.