his family are having real trouble coming to terms with us being together. we have been with each other for two years and living together for one. we want to get married but witht he way things are he risks losing them.
have any others been through this? any sugestions as to how to make things easier?
he is muslim and i wont convert incase u were going to sugest it as he has already brought this up.
2006-07-16 10:27:31 · 14 answers · asked by amy w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
ok so he isnt from pakistan is is a british pakistani who is just like any one else he doesnt follow islam, drinks ect basically is just like you or me so he wont be running off with my kids!
i wont convert because i am not a beliver i dont belive in becoming a muslim because that would just be an insult to those who do belive.
i just dont see why we cant all get on who cares what sex, race ect we are.
2006-07-16 10:41:16 · update #1
to moon and sun what question are you reading? there is no ex husband or any kids.
2006-07-28 00:55:28 · update #2
Not much immediate consolation from me , but it wasn't all that long ago that mixed race marriages were not only frowned upon but mixed race couples were actually attacked in the streets! Now it sometimes just merits a bit of a frown , so things are changing and not all that slowly!
The same applies to your relationship with your b/f parents, probably not a lot will change in your life time!
Your b/f has been raised to respect his parents (unlike a lot of Western kids) you must also try very hard to respect his parents, no matter how much verbal BS they come out with!
For sure you must forget this Muslim conversion crap, that will end in disaster (mainly for you)!! It's not stretching things too far to suggest he may take another wife, that's not a joke or my imagination!!
I'm not sure I understand your bit about "he risks loosing them" if you are speaking about losing his parents then so be it, whats the alternative? His Mother is going to be your biggest problem, if you do get married , you will certainly be a second class citizen to say the least, she will want to dictate how any children are raised etc!!
Think real hard (both of you) and reach agreement on all these issues before you tie the knot!
I don't envy either of you trying to sort it out, sorry I couldn't 'look on the bright side' but I wish you luck in any event!!
2006-07-26 20:43:41 · answer #1 · answered by budding author 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a long term Asian partner, never had the problems you've had so can't help, sorry. I do feel however, he should decide if he's western or Muslim, if he's drinking etc he's always going to encounter problems as many Muslims won't accept this, it's a tricky one, I feel for you both, particularly your partner as he's Muslim being brought up in a different culture to what he's probably been used to as a child. Good luck to you both.
To "craphilia" (above) I'm an Irish Catholic (from Southern Ireland) I would never change my religion to C of E, it's every man's right to practice what religion he/she likes, there's a sour taste of Muslimophobia generating in this country and before you say the same old crap about 9/11 or 7/7, look at all the bombings us catholics did over a twenty odd year period, I'm not proud of that but it doesn't make me an IRA bomber does it.
2006-07-17 18:23:33 · answer #2 · answered by Rick 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say, I know several mixed race couples... but invariable the husband's family and faith grows to be more and more intolerant of the wife and her beliefs. There is also the concern that if you divorce/seperate, he could easily leave the country before you realize it with your child(ren). There is just a lot to consider. I would suggest that you spend more time with his mother and see what you can do by building a relationship with her first. (((((hugs)))))) Good luck!
2006-07-16 17:33:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,i have been married for years we are both white & had the same problem with my hubbys mother shes a catholic & wanted us to have a white wedding i would not agree to it as i am a non believer she has not spoken to us since the day we got married.
Which is nearly 34 years,im still a non believer & so is hubby.
2006-07-29 09:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by Ollie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are so many people who come on here and say race and colour doesnt matter, well thats wrong, it does as u are just finding out. i think his parents have got a right cheek tho, if they want him to marry some paki girl, they should have stayed in pakistan. if u come here, u should accept our ways. so they are willing to disown him for marrying a white girl, how racist is that! they are worse than us. it annoys the hell out of me that they come to our country and expect to stick to their rules and religion. we are NOT a muslim country! if they come here, they should accept us and our ways or stay in there own country.
2006-07-16 21:07:34 · answer #5 · answered by crophilia 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Who cares what race or religion you are, if you love each other then go for it. Good luck and can i get an invite to the wedding, i love a good party.
2006-07-24 17:12:14 · answer #6 · answered by littleredgeisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
on a serious note, and maybe you don't do this (i hope you don't!) - but why do mixed couples have to stare at me when they see me?! they do it to almost every asian person. nobody cares! and why are you so hyper-sensitive to what racist people think when they see you?
alright, now on to your question. you should tell him to decide if he wants to leave his family for you, because there's going to be trouble up ahead if you have babies and stuff. from my experience with my family, they won't be happy until he finally leaves you. if you want to cling to the hope that things are going to change, well, then that's your business. i gave you my two cents. good luck with everything.
2006-07-16 17:33:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The very fact that you are looking at him as a different race person means you are not comfortable or maybe you don't want to marry him.
2006-07-28 09:11:01 · answer #8 · answered by Vishartan N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u dont have to convert especially if he's not making or dropping hints ... if its love who cares what his family thinks yeah thats his family but the both are going to live with eachother , raise your children together...just keep talking about it and i hope everything goes well ... GOOD LUCK !
2006-07-21 15:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by fuchsialov3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
forget the family, not many families are that happy about the choice of partner their child makes but hey thats life, stick together and be happy and they will realise eventually its not worth loosing a child over.
Best of luck
P.S... never convert to Islam to make them accept you, be true to yourself
2006-07-16 17:56:33 · answer #10 · answered by smithyvh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋