I need help with my daughters, I'll give the question below..Can U Help??

Question

My 2 daughters who act like teenagers already are only 10 and 8years old try to tell me what to do. I do spank them when they get out of hand and I don't spank them when I'm angry. But I just don't know how I can get them to do things around the house and to listen...please help?!

Answer 1

Where is Father here? Spankings by Mothers are typically ineffective.

However, this sounds more like a relationship issue to your daughters. Are you in a position of authority to them, or do you try to be friends with them? Do you give them outlets for their independence whenever possible - e.g. letting them make decisions that matter?

Usually attitudes like this develop over time, and they take time to correct. Ensure that you are consistent, that you do not gloss over your positions with "because I said so," that you treat them like adults as much as possible, but that you matter of factly lay down the law when necessary.

Answer 2

Did they forget who's boss? Spanking isn't going to do much but get them to react in a negative way (my grandfather beat me regularly over every little thing until one day when I was 15 I finally SNAPPED and defended myself against him, breaking his foot in the process). Do your girls receive a weekly allowance? You should have a chore board set up and posted in the kitchen and they should be *working* for the money they are given. Make a chart of the chores you want each of them to do (load the dish washer, sweep the kitchen, take out the trash, walk the dog, clean the hamster cage, pick up everything from the living room and put it where it belongs, set the table, water the plants, etc., these are just ideas that aren't too difficult for a child those ages). Decide exactly how much each "job" is worth and alternate jobs between the children each week so they don't get bored with them. Picking up after themselves should be a given that they should be doing every day and they should not receive reimbursement for that - you are not their maid. Every time the child completes a chore, they get a mark on the chart. For every chore they don't do, I would take away 1/2 hour of entertainment (in other words, they would be in their room - NO tv, NO internet, NO phone - nothing). They need to be made to realize that *they* are not the ones in control of their lives - *you* are. Were you ever grounded as a child? Remember what it was like to be stuck in the house for a week at a time, not allowed to play video games or talk to your friends? That's what they will remember, and with all the socialisms children have today, they will not want to be without them, and the first time they refuse to do their daily chores at all, they should be grounded for a day. The next time, 2 days, and so on. They will get the message. And don't YOU feel guilty about doing it either, or they will pick up on that and end up walking all over you. Nip it in the bud now before they really are teenagers bossing you around.

Answer 3

They are too young for jobs, and therefore don't pay the cost to be the boss. Let them know that. An they probably act like that because they get so much, that they never learned how to be grateful or respectful to you.
You are not alone, but others including myself have had to come up with different ways to deal with it and make them learn, when spanking, punishment, and time outs don't seem to be working. Are you giving them an allowance? Stop. Tell them that when you work, you get paid. If you don't obey your boss, you get fired and don't get paid for not doing as you are told. Tell them that you are the boss, and since their jobs of being respectful, and obedient were not done well, you've decided not to pay them. Don't let them run your household. You are the boss of them, and not vice versa. They don't run anything but their mouthes and their shoes. Your house is not a democracy, its a dictatorship, and you are the only dictator of how it will be run.
Make sure you assign them chores. The one that completes hers with no complaining, gets paid, the one that complains gets nothing. There will be whining. Learn some snappy comebacks and ignore the whines.
Here's some I use: Would you like some cheese with that whine?
or: Your last name must be Winans, cause that's what you're doing, whining.
You've gotta let them know who's boss, and remember, you've got what THEY want. Not the other way around. They'll get the message soon enough if you stick with it.
Good Luck, and sorry to tell you, it will get worse if you don't make this drastic change in your household.

Answer 4

I took 3 years of early childhood development. And there age now spanking doesnt work. What you need to do is come up with a point system. Like if they wash the dishes they get a certain amount of points or take out the trash our make there bed or help clean the bathroom etc. And when they come up with say 20 points they can watch an hour of tv. Or play with there video games. Or listen to there ipods etc. I would say at there age there shouldnt be a cellphone to take away anyway. Or if say they get 50 points then you take them to the toy store and they each get to pick out a toy they want. Be creative. But you need to let them earn the things they get to do. And say on a saturday or sunday they get a day off and you can take them to the movies or the zoo or swimming for doing such a good job all week. It seems crazy but it works and they have fun at the same time.

Answer 5

Boundaries and consequences basically. Do you have established rules w/ consequences that they are aware of or is it a constant guessing game? They need to know what's expected of them daily as far as chores, behavior, etc.
If they don't keep their room clean/tidy in the amount of time given then you begin taking priveledges away. Since you were pretty vague on what they aren't doing that's the best advice I have for you. As far as spanking, I have an 8 y/o as well and we try not to spank her except for serious things. The last time we spanked her she had run off with a friend of hers to the park when we told her that she couldn't go. To us that was a serious offense because she isn't old enough to go to the park without an adult around and she deliberately crossed a boundary we set for her, big NO-NO. I beleive that was back in March. She does however get grounded from her friends on occasion and with her that's a big deal since she's such a social butterfly. You just have to know your kids and figure out what will work best when it comes time to disciplining them and teaching them life lessons. Don't let them grow up too fast!

Answer 6

I have a 9 & 8 year old and fortunately I do not have this problem, all i can tell you is that since before they could talk i would talk to them all the time. I always made them feel like they were helping me like when i was cleaning the kitchen i would ask my 2 year old to throw the left-overs in the kitchen. I was always behind her but she would do it and they did it often so now that they are 9 & 8 to them it is just a routine. I always had a very good open communication with them and i am glad that at this very young age they ask me questions about where babys' come from and sometimes about sex, i know they are a little to young for that but i am glad it is me they are asking and not a neighboor or a teacher i am glad i am there for them. So all i can say is try to have a better communication, I don't know what kind of communication you have w/ your kids but instead of spanking them and making them do things around the house,start with talking to them. The closer they feel towards you the more time they will want to spend with you. Don't get me wrong i spank my kids sometimes to but when i get mad and ignore them, that's what hurts them the most, when they know i am hurt and mad at them, that really hurts them. I can't tell you how important it is to become their best friend, Talk to them, joke with them have fun with them, act silly with them, dress up with them, everything else will come thru. I wish you the best. I know you will have the best of communications. C-ya:)

Answer 7

Its time to get radical. You go to work and pay the bills and put food on the table. That alone should be enough motivation to not allow them to be in control of the household.

Make them do chores for everything. Make it so that they cannot eat and or go to bed until the house is clean. And you SHOULD spank them when you are angry. Waiting until after the fact lessens the impact of the reason why they are getting punished. And if all of that fails to work, put them out. Let them spend the night in a homeless shelter far away from the comforts of home. Let them spend a week at group foster home where they will have to fight the other kids for territorial rights.

They will be so glad to go home that they will start doing chores without being asked.

Answer 8

If they are going to act like teenagers maybe try treating them like teenagers. Give teenage discipline, grounding, taking privileges away, etc. As for helping around the house, try giving them chores and maybe an allowance for doing the chores. They can save the money and once a month go have a girls day, shopping, a movie, whatever. That will also help them learn the value of a dollar.

Answer 9

You need to be more strong and firm. Spanking is not going to help, because it only teaches them that if they get big enough, they will be in charge over you. As the parent, you have power and authority over them because you are the homeowner and/or the wage earner. Use that. If they don't help you with the work, they lose their priveleges. No money... no TV... no dessert... no rides to the mall... no friends over... whatever they desire from you is withheld if they do not cooperate with you, and that includes treating you with respect. Stay calm, do NOT let them know that they are upsetting you. When you get mad, they win.
Set the ground rules starting today. Tell them they are now old enough to live by specific rules and consequences. If this happens, then that happens. Be consistent and DON'T GIVE IN.

Answer 10

I have 3 daughters 6,8 and 13 and I feel your pain :)
My kids can be very chaotic. They know Mommy needs a certain amount of serenity and respect that so I'm lucky that way.

They need to learn that you get "paid" for doing your job. If your job is to make your bed and empty the dishwasher then you get "paid" with trips to the mall or swimming or to the movies. The age your girls are at they should be starting to learn that life is all give and take. No not all the time. Love and hugs and reading together, curling up on the sofa together to watch a movie is just because. But they need to have certain chores in the house that are their "job".

I hope I have helped even just a little. But I do understand how difficult it is for you. :)

Answer 11

Make them take up responciblities. Lay down the law. Make a list of things that need to be done each day. If they don't do it, make consequences. You need to stick to it, or then they really will realize that they can walk all over you. They may not be happy with you for doing it, but in the end it will make them better ppl. If they do the list for a few weeks and do it well. Start offering to pay them to do little extra jobs. Punish them when they break rules. You just mainly need to make a plan and stick to it, if they don't listen to you when there that age, they deffinatly won't when they are teenagers. Good Luck :)