This isn't about me, it's about a friend. Please tell me what you think.
You contradict yourself and are feeling perplexed
You stand on the train tracks and wonder what's next
You think of all the words that were left unsaid
While your whole life runs through your head
Then slowly, two Rivers form without a drop of rain
Two reminders of all the pain
With every tear another hope starts shattering
But it'll be over soon, the tracks are rattling
Mind and heart both start batteling
One says stay and the other says run from the clattering
The train now 500 feet away
You decide it's better not to stay
You realize that your life is still so young
It has hardly just begun
2006-07-16 09:28:10 · 8 answers · asked by Laura 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
Its a good attempt. Each verse is a rhyming couplet, which is good. but tends to be used for childrens stories or poems. I think there is a good theme running along here, maybe with some guidance you will do better. well done.
2006-07-16 11:10:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can see someone feeling emotions, wondering if it's better to live or die. I can see a teenager, or even perhaps a young adult. Part of me wants to believe that someone older wouldn't be using these words at that stage of life, but why not.... we all face life differently.
For the one who wasn't sure about the word batteling - yes, it was misspelled. Battling: to engage in battle: contend, fight.
I believe the words here were heart felt.. my hats off to you for putting your emotions to words, to paper, and allowing someone, us, to share these emotions with you.
I hate to say that I enjoyed your words, but the truth is.. it did reawaken things I left behind as my own life moved forward.
Gods speed..
2006-07-16 13:32:56 · answer #2 · answered by sassy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a wonderful poem but too emotional moments in you friend's life. be with him and tell him- life is so precious that he should not waste it on himself also.It is to live not to die.
2006-07-17 21:04:45 · answer #3 · answered by crazychori 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like it
Won't analyse it
Read it
Won't memorise it
Enjoyed it
Want more of it
But does it have to be of sadness ?
Don't you have any of gladness ?
Keep writing
Will keep reading
: D : ) : >
2006-07-16 13:41:19 · answer #4 · answered by Totoru 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That is a beautiful poem!
2006-07-16 09:32:50 · answer #5 · answered by songbird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good
2006-07-16 09:31:19 · answer #6 · answered by The Foosaaaah 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
amateur. full of forced rhymes and misspelled words....batteling?
2006-07-16 09:33:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad...
2006-07-23 01:27:12 · answer #8 · answered by tom.antony 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋