When does major depression end?

Question

Been to psychiatrists and psychologists and been on meds for two years. I have fleeting thoughts of suicide for brief moments at a time. My wife can't seem to understand and has her own drinking problem that she is in denial about. The kids have to put up with their verbally abusive alcholic mom. Job performance is way down. I have to take care of my elderly dad which is something I have to do rather than want to do. I have lost interest in doing much of anything. Not sure where anything goes from here. It all seems so hopeless.

Answer 1

Hi. I have suffered from depression all my life. I was verbally and sexually abused in childhood, and I was married to an alcoholic and have had other issues throughout my life. I'm sorry you're in such a bad time of life right now. No one can tell you when your depression will end. But maybe knowing that you're not alone will help.

You might want to try Al-Anon for families of alcoholics to help yourself detach from her and her problems. http://www.al-anon.org/

Is your wife trying to get help for herself? If not, you may need to take the kids and leave or kick her out. That's what I had to do when my son was just 4 -- I had him move out. At that time, I hoped that he would realize that I was serious about his problem and that he'd get help to try to save the marriage. But he didn't, so I had to find a lawyer and start legal proceedings for child support and divorce. Then he tried to overdose, so I had to have his visitation rights taken away when our son was 5. I allowed a few visits, supervised by myself for a while, until I was told that it could be grounds for him to get visitation back, so I had to stop. Again, instead of going to rehab in order to be able to see his son, he got deeper and deeper into it until his liver gave out at the age of 39. Our son was 7 then.

So I now had to tell my son that he'd never see his father again, and try to help him understand all the complexities that surround alcoholism and addiction. He had a lot of anger toward me because he blamed me for keeping him away from his dad. When I explained that it was up to his father to go through rehab so they could see each other, he questioned whether his dad really loved him -- he did, but how do you explain to a young child the way alcohol effects a person's judgement? Well my son's 15 now, and we've been through a lot in the past 8 years, including me being out of work for a couple years and another failed relationship that was almost 7 years long.

I've tried numerous medications, but none seems to help. I mostly just try to appreciate the little things and to really look for the silver lining in situations. For example, because of what happened to his dad, my son does not drink or get high, and he tries to get his friends that are doing it to quit. I go through one day at a time, trying to be the best role model that I can. I'm very sad and lonely myself, and I use food as a comfort and it shows... thankfully, my son is athletic and very active.

There is hope for you. First of all you have to realize that very few people on this planet are truly "happy" regardless of where they live or what car they drive. Recognize that perfection is not possible, and consider yourself a work in progress. It's taken years to get into this hole you're in now, and it will take time and dedication to get out of it. Set small realistic goals, otherwise all you'll find is disappointment.

Make the kids your #1 priority. You've only got one chance to raise them right and to end the legacy of low self-esteem that both you and their mother have. The sooner you get started, the better. It is hard to undo the damage that's already been done, so I suggest you get them into some therapy programs, too. Realize that putting them first and trying to build their self-esteem does NOT mean letting them do or have whatever they want. Those spoiled kids wind up with issues, too! It means caring enough to be involved in their activities, and to set rules and limits and CONSISTENTLY enforce them.

You will have conflict and arguments, but stay true to your goals. Your job as a parent is to prepare them for adulthood. And in today's complex world, eighteen years doesn't seem long enough. Make sure that they understand that trust has to be earned, and in order for them to earn new privileges they have to prove they are responsible enough for it.

Also make sure they learn how to take care of themselves, including house and yard work, cooking and laundry and personal hygiene. Again, they need to be able to be independent, responsible, productive members of society at 18 years of age. Again, they'll hate it, but ultimately they will take pride in knowing how to take care of themselves and not having to rely on others for basic needs.

Wow-- this is long (sorry!) But by being a good parent, it helps me feel better about myself and the future, which is what hope really is, after all. Feel free to contact me if you want to send a note (click on my avatar and then on Contact). Good Luck!

Answer 2

The major depression will end when you give up all those meds and psychologist and learn to think for yourself. I am sorry you are so sad but obviously what you are doing is not helping you. If you had close friends or a wonderful job and wasn't around an alcoholic all day you would feel better. Easier said than done though. I wish I could help you. Is it too late to leave your wife and start a new life and a new career? If you cannot then the best you can do is find something that you would love to do and get very involved with it. As far as helping your elderly dad that is just life and you must make the best of it because he needs you. Perhaps you can involve him in something that would interest both of you like starting a craft project or reading about something together. Good luck. I really do care even though I do not know you..........

Answer 3

Don't pay attention to that "pesky" mind of yours. I know it hurts like hell. I visit that spot you speak of on a regular basis and just before I pull the trigger, I play the game of, how much longer can I take this BS.
It's kind of a mobious strip kind of experience for me. It's like pretty easy to end it all if that's what you really want. That option never goes away really does it?
So tough it out and realize that not all things are as they seem to that pesky mind we all have to deal with.
You are more than your mind and thoughts although it might seem otherwise much of the time.
You are an organism. You are a father and husband and a human being that affects other people and their lives in many, many ways. Good or bad, you are many things, to many other things. See yourself as that and "suffer on the cross" as best you can. See how much you can take. Even folks that aren't depressed and have a great life with lots of options, do stupid stuff and get drunk, do drugs, kill themselves etc. That's kinda easy really. The challenge is to live and deal. If you can do that as the AA Serenity folks say, "one minute at a time" you can get through it. The more you get through it, the more you realize you can take some more of this painful depression. Know you are not the pain and the mind that thins it up.
Life ain't easy for most of us. It hurts and can be hard. especially as you age.
Focus on what you are good at, who loves you, who you love and the few things that make you feel fine. Focusing on what brings one pain, encourages and breeds pain. Focus on what you have and who you are and what there is to celebrate about your own life experience, and you will become more of that. Nothing is too small to be good, great or fabulous when you consider the positive that you are or have been.
The Eastern gurus tell us that you become what you think. That is a very powerful understanding if you truly "understand" what it means and is saying. Watch your own thoughts and if they lead to depression see it as if you were watching your neighbor cutting the lawn or watering the flowers. Be outside of it. Focus on thoughts that are not what you consider depressing. See if you can understand the difference between the two and then see if you can witness, over the passage of time, what the different effects are in your experience of reality. Keep a written log of these. It helps see what is going on over time.
Know also that depression is like a tide for most. It rises and falls, ebs and flows. Whatch your own mental tide come and go without judging it. This is a helpful tool for me and allows me to be outside of the effects of the depression.
My support and peaceful thoughts for you!
Peace, love, Beauty, Joy.

Answer 4

you seem to be in a HOLE, where all is dark and cant see the light, therapy is good, but with a psychoanalyst, someone who can understand your life and can give support and options for the things you have to do, maybe if you learn more about your faith it can help.

Answer 5

Try Prozac

Answer 6

most often major depression is life long thinkg. the best thing to do is learn how to live with it

Answer 7

have you told the doctors this. Maybe your medicine isnt working if you have thoughts of suicide or maybe they need to up your dosage of medicine.

Answer 8

when you die or win the lotto.