How cn I get my 13 year old son to respect me?

Question

As a baby he was good. Now as he is slipping into his teens i am finding it harder to take control of situations. His actions are similar to his father and we are no longer together and his father is encarcerated.

Answer 1

Groundings and sticking to it. Take away priveledges and "stuff."
Stick to your guns and accept no exceptions.

If he has a video game unit, take it away.
A TV, take it away.
A Stereo, take it away.
A cell phone, take it away.

Make him work to get these priveledges back. Extra chores...accounting for every minute of his day.

My son started this at the same age, but quickly learned when I came down on him, I meant business.
I'm actually realy lenient with my son as he's usually really responcible..but when he started pushing the limits of my leniency is when he found out, MOMMA DON'T PLAY NO GAMES!

It also helped that when things got rough with my son, I knew I could call on my brother and male cousins to straighten him out. They were amazing postive role models for my son and talked to hhim like a young man, not a child. They gave him challenges on top of My punishments.

If he didn't do somethiing or didn't do it by a set time limit, more chores were added to make up for it before he could earn back even the slightest of priveledge.

My son's now seventeen. A hard worker, an AP student and actually a really nice guy. He just earned enough money to buy his first car and I couldn't be prouder of him. He worked for it and earned every penny himself.
He's also earned early admission to the college of his choice, he still has one more year of high school but has already started his college career.

Answer 2

First, make sure he has definite boundaries to what he can and cannot do. There are alot of "modern" techniques for parenting out there that do nothing but give the child a "Me first, always" perspective on life. Also, do never give in on you're boundaries. If you say he cannot do something, do not back down. If you do, he will know that if he presses, he will always get his way. Never get into a yelling match, or feel you have to explain everything to him. While he is under your roof, he is the one that would have to explain his actions. You are providing all his basic physical needs for him, free of charge. All you expect in return is his obedience and respect.

The absence of a father is difficult for a child. While it is tough, he is abusing that fact if he uses it as an excuse for bad behavior.

A moderating influence is needed in his life. It may seem unrelated, but taking him to church can provide him with a positive peer group which can help. Friends can be a powerful force, especially at the teen years, for good or evil.
Be in his life, know what is going on, sometimes it is necessary and proper to invade his "privacy."

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6)

Answer 3

First of all the best thing to remember is to get respect you have to give it. 13 year old boys are tough, especially when there's no Dad around. Remember that he's entering a time of major physical and emotional change. he may want to be a man, but he's still in a boy's body. They need guidance they need to know there are rules, you need to know he's going to push them. Don't give in, he may not respect it now, but when he's a man, he will. When I was a teen I thought my Mom was evil and really had it in for me. Now in my 40's we are best friends and I realize what she did then makes a difference now. Maybe a male influence might help too, someone he can talk "guy stuff" with. Check into a local Big Brothers program or Mentoring. Good luck and hang on, it will work out!

Answer 4

Children don't just all of a sudden become disrespectful, rude, violent and prone to criminal activity. There had to be a point where this all began. Think about it.

If his dad is in jail, I am willing to bet that he's in need of a positive male role model. Try your local big brother/big sister organization. Get the child some counseling. Try discipline. Spend some quality time with him. If you were involved with a person who has been incarcerated, maybe you need some sort of counseling.

Parents are the source of their children's behaviors. Consider whether or not you have made the best choices and help your son before he becomes a statistic.

Answer 5

Show respect for him.

Create clear boundaries for him and enforce them consistently.

Don't be a wimp, he WILL sense it and take advantage of it and this leads to more disrespect.

Ensure that consequences are enforced and clearly explain the reasoning behind the consequences. Make him repeat the reasoning to you, in his own words, so that you know he understands.

Allow some latitude and allow him to earn privileges and trust. For example: does he have a curfew? If he consistently can be trusted to keep his curfew it won't hurt to extend it by half and hour and when he can be trust to keep that consistently, to extend it again if requested. This takes a lot of time though.

Consequences have to be something that has meaning and value to him.

What is important to him? Video games, music, time with friends, clothes that are in style, certain foods, eating out as a treat, staying out until a certain time, computer usage time? These are the things you use as currency for consequences.

If he misbehaves, revoke his privileges for the things that are IMPORTANT to him. If he proves he can be trusted then you can allow him more of what is important to him. Don't allow him to dictate to YOU. You are the parent. You are in charge.

All I can say is GOOD LUCK!! You will get through these years and they don't have to be all hell, but some will be!

Answer 6

Start taking away all the thengs you have spoiled him with over the last 13 years. Children dont just stop respecting a parent overnight. ITs a long process that starts at a very early age.

At some point you allowed him to get away with things and not discipline him for his actions. ITs like a snowball effect. Once he started rolling down hill he kept growing to the mess he is today.

His father being incarcerated has nothing to do with his behavior. There are thousnads upon thousands of single Mothers that have raised wonderful children that have become outstanding adults. Dont blame his father for what you have allowed him to become. Seek professional help for yourself to become stronger and for him to get rid of his anger

Answer 7

teenagers are a handful.

sometimes it requires tough love. Sit down with him, Lay down the rules and the punishments for breaking them, ask if there is anything he would like you to do as well (could be anything from quitting smoking to being available to drive him to the mall once a week), have him sign a contract and put that contract on the fridge.
If he breaks the rules then he knows whats coming to him. if you cant follow through with your deal, then you know what will happen.

The most important step is to follow through- punish him when he has messed up but remember to reward him when he does well.

Answer 8

every one has growing up problems,go back in years when you were a teen what did you want your parents to behave with you, your son wants the same, i dont believe that punishment like beating and flogging in public, will solve your situation, it will make matters worse and most probably you will have a rebel on your hands, treat him with respect and dignaty and when he does some thing good even if its very small aknowledge it and reward it, if he wants his own way meet his demands half way, be frank with him and tell him what you expect from him dont hesitate to tell him when you think hes wrong, if he wants to meet his father do not stop that because that will make him more determined to see him, your relationship with your husband may have failed but basically a kid needs both parents

Answer 9

demand it and find a mentor for him. do you have a brother or a male friend that is a good role model? If so, get those two together ASAP! Does his father have visitiation hours? if so, take him to see his father. and tell his father what he's up to....

Answer 10

Listen to this

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