My parents feel like I am pushing them aside because I am spending all of my time with my new GF...........?

Question

I have tried to explain to them that I love my GF and I want to spend my free time with her as much as possible and mostly my mother doesn't get that.
I am 29yrs old and they still hound me like I am a little boy. I am their only son also. Unfornately, I also still live at home so this could be another reason why they feel dejected and this is also my first real GF in a long time and I decided when I meet this girl to try and actually get to know her and I have and we have just clicked and I really do love her but I can't understand why my parents won't get it into their heads that I need my own life too apart from them.
Am I doing something wrong by hanging out with my GF during my free days which are only on the weekends? Plus me and my GF don't see each other for the whole week because she lives an hr away & we both work so I want to see her more when we are apart. My GF feels the same way about seeing me but I don't discuss this with my GF because I don't want her to feel bad.

Answer 1

God that is hilarious - You're suffocating parents need to learn to let go of thier ADULT son...

Answer 2

Part of the problem is that you still live at home and you are 29 years old. I am the mother of an only son so I believe I can 'see' both sides of this situation. Since you are still living at home out of respect for your parents you should try to spend some time with your GF and your parents together. How about all of you playing a board game or a card game? You could have dinner together or see a movie. I think if you included your parents occasionally they wouldn't feel as if you were shutting them out of your life. Are you spending time with them during the week when you aren't seeing your GF? I think you are being wise by not telling your GF what your parents are feeling. It really is between you and them. I would hope your parents would be more willing to 'let go' if you moved out into your own place. Good luck.

Answer 3

You're on the right track with spending time with your girl friend because that's natural. Now the next move literally, is to get out of your parents house. Your 29 yrs old. Go look into the mirror then ask yourself how many of your friends live with their parents and then take a second to feel belittled. After your over feeling like a 16 yr old (for living at home), go on-line and find an apartment. Do you still have a curfew?

Answer 4

I think the way you are feeling (wanting to spend all your free time with your girlfriend) is perfectly healthy and normal. I also think the way your parents are feeling is perfectly normal. I think much of the problem stems from the fact that you still live at home. They really don't see you as a full grown man who is leading his own life. They still see you as their son whom they need to take care of. I think involving your parents the odd time in something fun is fine but I don't think it should be the regular gig. You do need time with just you and your girlfriend. I don't think you should neccessarily stop seeing her to make your parents happy but I do think you'll need to compromise some to spare everyones feelings a bit. Top priority though I think is to take control of your own life, move out! Tricky thing now is you don't want to make it look like you are moving out because of this new girlfriend. Your parents may always blame her and resent her for it. I think you need to keep things a slight bit on the down lo with your girlfriend for a bit, while working on developing a better relationship between your parents and your girlfriend. Once it seems that it working somewhat well, then work on getting the heck out and becoming your own person. Good luck to all of you. Just remember, nobody is wrong and everybodies feelings are genuine. Step lilghtly but don't be a wuss either!

Answer 5

It is only natural for them to feel that way since you are not only a single child but live with them. Your have strong feelings for your new GF that too is natural. I would suggest a compromise. During the week after work/lunch,make time for your parents-do something special with them. On the weekends,continue to spend time with your GF but maybe once every three weekends you and GF could spend time bonding with the parents. This way you don't feel pulled in two different direction and you achieve the win-win situation. Peace.

Answer 6

My son does this too, and I feel that way. (He has some problems so he needs to be living with me). When he has a girlfriend I never see him. He still expects me to buy his groceries, take care of things for him, and stuff like that, but he isn't here most of the time. He's not able to live on his own and I know that, but I still feel somewhat used and rejected. The most responsible thing for you to do is to move out if you're just living there for a roof over your head. Get your own place and then you can have your girlfriend over whenever you want.

Answer 7

In your other question you wrote that your gf is pushing you away and indicated she does not want a serious relationship. Maybe your parents are concerned that you will get hurt by her because of that. You are old enough to live on your own and make your own choices though. However, most caring parents don't want to see their child get hurt in the process of leaving the nest. Assess the situation to determine their motives and then make an appropriate decision for yourself and your needs right now. Good luck.

Answer 8

Why in the world are you 29 and still living at home? You need to put your social life on the back-burner and concentrate on moving out. Once you do that you'll no longer be a little boy you'll be a man and what you do in you personal life will be no body's business but your own.

Answer 9

I feel your pain. Hey this is what you do. Make arrangements for you and your girlfriend to do something really fun with your parents. This will bring you all closer together. If you spend time with your GF and involve your parents then they wont feel so rejected and then they will learn to like the two of you together and wont feel such a threat. Do something you know all of you can enjoy together, even a fun boar game at home that makes everyone get involved "mad gab" is a great one. Above all let your parents know you love them so they wont feel so insecure.

Answer 10

You are not doing anything wrong. This is a good path you are taking. Keep doing it. Don't let them run your life. Or become a part in your relationship. You need to get free of them. Parents don't like to loose there children. It can sometimes be hard. They can put a lot of presure on you and your relationship. Follow your heart. Not follow what you parents think you should be doing.

Answer 11

Here's what you're doing wrong: Get out of your house, man! You're 29 years old.

If you don't get out on your own for a while before getting serious with another girl (serious=moving towards marriage) you'll be absolutely no good in your marriage relationship. If you love this girl so much, cut the umbilical cord and get some self-reliance. Heck, do it anyway.