My husband and I both work but we are off weekends, Every Friday after work his Mother calls and wants us to drop our plans to entertain her, if we say no she continues to call all night Friday through Sunday leaving messages on our machine and sometimes screaming for us to answer the phone, she then tries calling around looking for us. My husband won't tell her to stop this behavior and if I complain then we end up arguing. She always tries to plan our weekends and if she doesn't get her way she complains that she is ill and needs him to run errands for her. Either way she ends up getting him over her house and although I do love her I am starting to resent her for her rude behavior and I resent my husband because he will not talk to her about it. He says she will just yell at him. What can I do?
2006-07-16 08:10:22 · 16 answers · asked by faithsheart44 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
XXXXXXXXXXX your husband needs to speak up to his mom and stoip letting her ruin his life and his marriage because that is exactally when she is doing. She doesn't care that she's taking qualitoy time from the two of you she's only thinking about herself. If this continues he's bound to give you up for his mom all together so I suggest you get a grip on this now. If you want to stay in this marriage.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
2006-07-16 08:15:18 · answer #1 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 10⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to disconnect the phone for one week-end every month. Your mother-in-law will live. Don't answer the door either. If someone comes by, say thanks, but "if you could take care of that, we'd be grateful" or simply don't answer it. If it gets that bad, go to a motel for friday nite to saturday afternoon and tell no one where your going. If your husband resists, then tell him that you have a problem, that you two should be "as one" not as three. And that although you love his mother very much, she hasn't DIED YET, WHY WOULD SHE NOW. If she has the time and energy to call around, she can call 911.
This is a control issue for her and nothing else. So sadly, you will have to wrest control back. Good luck.
2006-07-16 15:17:44 · answer #2 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a stand. You have the right to go out with your husband. Your mother in law will forever continue this behavior unless she is told that it is not OK. You are being manipulated. If your husband is afraid of her, tell her yourself. Set boundaries. Try to compromise, she seems to be very lonely. Tell her to call during the week. Leave a window open, a specific time each week that she can have time to spend with you guys. This behavior is abusive and cannot be allowed to continue.
2006-07-16 15:24:39 · answer #3 · answered by Rick S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to SACK UP
This woman is never gonna cut the cord unless he makes it clear to her that he has a family of his own, and his priorities lie there. Hard to say exactly what the cure for a mommas boy is...but if he's so used to being manipulated that he cannot imagine things any other way, perhaps he needs to be shown an existence that involves some independence...
Controlling matriarches need to learn about boundaries. Maybe in your case this needs to happen the hard way.
Hellyeah - embarrass the sh*t outta her next time she appears - make it really uncomfortable for her to be around you two... Maybe arrange for her to be witness to some advanced intimacy between you two.
A third wheel needs to FEEL like a third wheel. She'll learn eventually.
2006-07-16 15:24:06 · answer #4 · answered by nowyermessingwithasonofabitch 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when ever you have your personal plans just put the phone off the hook and turn off the cell phone that makes sure you wont hear the yelling at that moment but remember to visit her the very next weekend and say sorry for it or just give an excuse do this for a few weeks and then she well stop complaining abt it
2006-07-16 15:17:29 · answer #5 · answered by Avatar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you married a mommy's boy but before you give up try to talk to your husband and tell him that he needs to stand up for you and insist that it isn't right for his mother to ruin your plans. Now if that doesn't work then try talking to his mother and speak to her about the way that she's doing things that aren't right. I hope this helps you out and I don't want your relationship to end because of his mother. All of you are grown adults so you must talk to each other like adults to rectify the problem.
2006-07-16 15:16:42 · answer #6 · answered by littleone_ky2wa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow some balls!!! Put a stop to that crap now or it`s going to get worse!! Tell him to stop it or you will. I had the same problem with my in laws but I refuse to let them run my life and I told them so!! They didn`t like it and I don`t go over there anymore. My wife hates that this happened but she also can see the way they are so she said something and now they back off!! Your husband has to step up here and if she gets mad then hey she`ll get over it or just don`t go over there or answer her calls. In other words but the F K out mommy dearest!!!
2006-07-16 15:21:45 · answer #7 · answered by bren_jim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you been married very long? It sounds like your MIL is trying maintain the hold she had on her son before you were married. It also sounds like she's pretty lonely. Perhaps if she had some other type of activity to keep her engaged, she wouldn't need to socialize with you and your husband so much. Your husband needs to take stand. If he wants to spend the weekends with his mother, he needs to let you know. If he doesn't, he needs to let her know. I think you and your husband need to seek counselling, and if he won't go, you should do it without him.
2006-07-16 15:16:28 · answer #8 · answered by hop0409 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quietly, and not in the hearing of your husband, and without raising your voice or temper, tell her she is a spoilt old bit*ch who should be ashamed of herself and if she does not stop making your marriage a farce, you will leave her precious fuc*ing son. Lay it on thick, with a smile all the time, then walk away. Turn, and in the hearing of your husband, say 'Oh and by the way, mom, you won't be seeing us for the next few weeks, we'll call'.
Good luck...................
2006-07-16 15:18:34 · answer #9 · answered by thomasrobinsonantonio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How could you love someone like that? Be honest... you love your husband, but only tolerate your mother-in-law. Your husband sounds like he's still tied to his mother's apron strings, and frankly isn't much of a man. Tell your husband you love him and want the weekends to be reserved for only you and he. If he still refuses to cut off his mother... CUT HIM OFF!! until he does.
P.S. Show him this reply!!
2006-07-16 15:18:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋