how do you tell your mother-in-law to back off?

Question

like today she called and wanted him to do something and we have plans tonight and now we are not going to do it because he is over there helping her

Answer 1

Carefully. Remember, you married a family just like your husband did. You can make it clear to her that this is your home and that you and your husband will do things the way you decide to TOGETHER, but you need his support too, you know. Will he be a man and tell her himself?

Answer 2

It's tricky. But you can delegate dealing with her to your husband. Use call block when he's not there. And don't answer the door if she arrives while he's not there.

My mother's in law are both dead. (One solution) One was sweet, but the other one, I just stayed as far away from as I could. While in her house, I sat in a corner with the other daughter in laws.

In my house, I claimed it as mine with the right to ignore anything she said if I didn't want to hear it. I never told her off because that makes a husband mad and everything becomes your fault.

I'm a mother in law myself now and I try my best to be as nice as I can.

Answer 3

First, make sure your husband is reading from the same sheet of music. It won't do you any good to communicate your feelings to your mother-in-law if your husband isn't going to back you up. Second, when you sit down and talk with her, try to keep accusatory statements OUT of the conversation. For example, use a lot of, "I feel" statements vs. "You do this and you do that" statements. Give examples. If you tell her you feel a certain way, be prepared to back that statement up with an example.

"I feel like my husband and I can't have a conversation without you getting involved. For example, mother-in-law dearest (!!), last Saturday when we were ___________________, you said/did _______________________. This made me feel _____________________."

Good luck! In-law issues can be tough, especially the busy-body mother-in-law kind.

Answer 4

You don't want to engage in a power struggle with her; you'll probaly loose. Since you don't say specifically what the problem is, keep this in mind: She is a mother to your husband, and a lot of the things mothers-in-law say and/or do is because they are being mothers to their child, who just happens to have married you.

Answer 5

First... it depends on what she wanted him to do... If its something really important, I would try to understand... even though I know its difficult... I WOULD BE PISSED TOO... But mother-in-law is somebody you will always have to deal with...

But... if its something that can wait... he is the one you have to reason with, not her. Im not saying he should abandon his mother or anything... but as his wife you are important too! So talk to him (no fighting... if you fight, she'll win) Reason with him... tell him something like "I was really looking forward to spend the evening with you." and make him see what she wants is something that can really wait for later...

Best of Luck ! !
Hope this helps !
!

Answer 6

just like that really, back off! or talk to your spouse and have them do it...let her know that you are an adult and you know what you're doing! You got this far in life right? and maybe somethings are better learned the hard way, like cooking a turkey for the first time etc.

Answer 7

You can't, you have to tell your husband. She is HIS mother and he has to be the one to tell her no.

If you do it, it will only cause bad feelings and not really be productive.

She always going to be his mother, so she will never go away, but if you tell him how it makes you feel, he should step up and let his mother know you need his attention too.

Answer 8

That is oft times NOT easy. In either case... and either way.. hard feelings will be created.... I see no way around that.

I think I would try the approach by going thru/to your wife and encourage her to get with her mother and try to work it out that way.

Answer 9

u tell her that u will take her advice but not neccessarily use it that ur life is urs n ur husbands that u r grown n can make ur own dicessions n ud like it if she backed off somewhat so u n her son could live ur lives

Answer 10

Just tell her. Stand up to her. Tell her that you don't like the way she treats you and that you won't stand for it. If you stand up to her she will back off, because she will see that she can't treat you that way.